Why I am upset with myself for my atheistic beliefs

by confusedandalone 35 Replies latest jw experiences

  • confusedandalone

    @Lisa Rose " Once I left I was able to align my actions with my true beliefs, and now I do feel spiritual, in a way I never was while on the JW merry-go-round of meetings, service, study, etc. For me, being spiritual means taking care of my family, giving love and support to my friends, and other people I meet, giving back to my community and working at my creative business. It doesn't involve lip service to any religion necessarily, although for some that is their life's work. You also do not have to believe in God to be spiritual."

    THIS THIS THIIIISSSS is what I am saying.!!!!

    @Comatose - " Hang in there, and don't be afraid to ask these questions and think about these things. This is you growing."

    Thanks! As a JW I felt that I always had to know the answer. I could not say anything stupid. I was not allowed to be ignorant of anything. Since coming to this forum I have been able to be very open. Say stupid things. Express opinions that may not be appreciated. I have been embarrased by my ignorance on matters and I ENJOYED IT. Being free is great!

    @InChristAlone - " I realized what a profound hypocrite I was." - My feelings exactly

    @Oubliette - Your first sentence expresses how i feel. I knew what I wanted to be. I was afraid to do it and confused and many other adjectives... so I lived the lie. You are so right. THe people who I hate to say looked up to me and always held me on a pedestal could give a rats ass about me. I spent sooooo much time helping these people through rough times and now they speak of me as if I am a piece of <insert expletive>. I do not need them just like they dont need me. I have my immediate family and my wifes family who have shown me soo much concern and care during this period that I feel odd accepting it. It is amazing how once you leave life begins in the fullest sense

  • Giordano

    I was never particularly spiritual. From the age of 13 to when I left at 23 being a witness was many things but god didn't figure into it that much. So at first being a JW gave me friends, an extended family while my drunken step dad made being at home difficult to say the least.

    Next I experienced respect , older brothers and ex bethelites who had married local sisters offered friendship and encouragement. Baptized at 16, moved out and started pioneering at 17, first 1 hour public talk at 18. Passed on Bethel and went to pioneer 'where the need was great.' Met my wife, gave talks all over the circuit was appointed Assistant Presiding Minister (early 1960's no Elders back then) and Ministry School Servant.

    I tried but I couldn't connect the JW beliefs...... the dogma became less meaningful. Because of my nature (if I promise to do something I always do it) I served responsibly and with my wife, sister casual, we decided to move and make some serious changes.....like getting out of the JW world and starting a family without the threat of the blood issue.

    Luckiest moment in my life? When I sat my wife down and told her I wasn't going to remain a witness any longer. I sat back and held my breath. She looked at me and said fine not a problem. Then she told me she had never been a believer. WOW!!

    Her story is worth hearing but maybe on another thread.

    So we packed up said our good bys and left. We were never bothered by any other congregation....maybe because I had also been the brother who took care of the publishers cards...hummmm.

  • Oubliette

    CAA: It is amazing how once you leave life begins in the fullest sense

    Amen to that brother, amen to that!

  • confusedandalone
  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Don't feel bad about being an atheist; that's the way the gods made us. :)

  • PaintedToeNail

    confused & Lisa-You both have nicely summed up how I used to feel and how I feel now! You both said it much better than I ever could have.

  • confusedandalone

    " Don't feel bad about being an atheist; that's the way the gods made us. :)"

    I think I may have worded it wrong. I am not mad I am an athiest I am mad that I had these beliefs for so long and was not strong enough till now to claim them. I see the title does not grasp this idea at all LOL.

    PaintedToe - Trust me I probably could have said it alot better, but I appreciate the sentiment.

  • Julia Orwell
    Julia Orwell

    It's all good. Probably because all your life you've been told atheists are immoral, irresponsible and stupid is bearing on your conscience. You are probably feeling guilty for becoming the thing JWs derided more than believers 'caught up in false religion'. But I'm sure it will pass like everything. Heck, I'm still scared of Christmas, but it won't be forever...you'll work it out.

  • confusedandalone

    " Heck, I'm still scared of Christmas, but it won't be forever...you'll work it out."


  • Phizzy

    Dear CAA, I empathise with how you feel, I too feel that in some measure I was perhaps hypocritical, but as a born-in it was difficult to respond to the Cognitive Dissonance, it was easier to shove it down and ignore it.

    I think in the true sense of "spiritual" I was more so than many a JW , at the same time I did not believe a lot of the rubbish, especially the bits that clashed with what the Bible actually said, or clashed with the concept of a loving God.

    I was less hypocritical than many, who obviously did not believe it all, but went along with it all, just to be an Elder for example, I refused to teach anything I disagreed with.

    My feeling now is that true spirituality is that which distinguishes us from animals and from humans who live a totally selfish life. To appreciate beauty in all its forms, to live a life of love and concern for others in a moral and ethical way is to lead a spiritual life.

    For this we do not need a god and a religion even less.

Share this