"Jesus is My Boyfriend" Christianity

by cofty 58 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • cofty

    Interesting info on agape FTS thanks

  • fulltimestudent

    jesus is my girlfriend. since he's a trinity, does that make me a polygamist?

    haha, buy one, get three.. Must ask my friend if he has some porn pics of threesomes.. Second thoughts, I'm in enough (grin) trouble already!

  • J. Hofer
    J. Hofer

    that would be a foursome actually.

  • DJS

    A lot of this is creepy? What part of this isn't creepy?

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run


    When I saw the title of this thread, I though you found an earlier post of mine and were making fun of me. I am disgusted by this Jesus is my boyfriend trend. The Joel Osteens and Joyce Meyers with their gospels of prosperity sicken me even more. What the Osteens and Meyers preach makes sense to me as a therapy model. It is just the prosperity gospel is in complete opposition to the stance given by Jesus about the social gospel. Jesus expressly warns that men will revile and persecute you because of me. He sends out his disciplines, warning they will be rejected. This theme of gospel hardship and rejection is repeated in every canonical gospel.

    The short boyfriend story is that once I watched a Billy Graham revival broadcast from Madison Square Garden in New York. MSG for rock concerts is my second home. It is my palace. My father used to listen to Billy Graham in person while my father was at Bethel. He commented that he was not a Witness so Graham was flawed. Yet Graham was not so bad. I put aside my Manhattan sophistication and listened intently. He was palatable. They kept promising a free Bible if you telephoned. Well, they promised a free Bible on TV. I wanted my free revival Bible. Girding for combat and hurt, I announced that I was a listener and a New Yorker. "May I have my free Bible. You expressly promised viewers a free Bible if they called. I can always use another free Bible." They wanted a conversation with me. "Listen. I am not a Baptist. My religion is Anglican. Therefore, I am Christian. How do I get my free Bible?" "What else is there to discuss? You are talking to a corporate lawyer. I am admitted to the bar in New York. According to federal and state statutory law and regulatory law, you must give me a free Bible. The Bible may be a shoddy Bible. You cannot promise Bibles and not deliver them. I will report you the FCC and to the NYS Attorney-General. I am a Christian not that it is any of your business. Where is my free Bible? You will regret the day you send on air that you will give callers a free Bible. There were no qualifications announced. Your lawyers will not be happy with you.The law is on my side."

    "Do I have a personal relationship with Christ Jesus?" "Oh, this is the last straw. Let me see. Jesus and I have known each other since second grade in Nazareth. You know I don't discuss intimate sexual relationships with complete strangers. My personal relationship with Jesus is personal." "OK, I must answer the question. No, I must not as a legal matter. Jesus and I went steady last year. Yes, we indulged in what you old fashioned people might call petting. Jesus annoyed me when he invited another woman to my school prom. Did I tell him what he could do! Indeed, I even told the Virgin Mary that her son should learn how to treat a woman properly. " End of conversation. I just kept laughing. Guess who was too lazy to write to the Attorney General's office to receive her free Bible as promised?

    The eroticism is so obvious. I thought I was the only one who found it vulgar. Never did Southern hick well. How do these people not see it? The sexual charge is gross. Jesus prob. had sexual desires. He was human. I would rather not know about Jesus' full physicality. I remember Jesus Christ, Superstar and the beautiful song, "I don't know how to love him." Why would these fundie preachers give us Jesus Superxxxxxx" The art work. Music. Let me speak from experience that years ago I found the devotion to Jehovah barely repressed. It frightened the living daylights out of me. Have you former brothers ever heard a sister's plea for a brother? Vomit time. We had such a dearth of brothers. Since we lived in a ghetto, we had about 5% brothers and 98% sisters. What man becomes a Witness? It is mostly a woman's religion.

  • Vidiot

    Makes sense when you consider just how sexually repressed conservative evangelicals are; basic human urges are gonna find expression through some other outlet, no matter how hard anybody tries to keep a lid on them.

    Frankly, this doesn't surprise me at all.

  • besty

    Within 10 years we will connect religion with genetics - some folks are more likely to be religious. And there will be a female bias.

  • bohm

    Lol, you cant make this up..

    there is an awsome youtube video waiting to be made with these lovely lyrics on some selected background images.

    Wonder if it has anything to do with sexual repression, in that case one could suspect they had the same in islam?

  • cofty

    I wonder if this also explains why some male charismatic/evangelical pastors and worship leaders get adored like pop stars?

  • Vidiot

    From what I've seen, they have the sex lives of pop stars, too.

    The Jesus-boyfrind thing justifiably rates a 9.5 on my weird-shit-o-meter.

    On a semi-related note: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_International (scroll down to "Loving Jesus")

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