Sometimes you just want to scream

by Separation of Powers 15 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Separation of Powers
    Separation of Powers

    Well, I have been posting here on and off for a while now. It is good to see the progress that so many have made. I have appreciated your experiences, your humour, your struggles, etc.

    As I sit here today, I realize that I have made progress as well. Sure, not to the extent of some on this forum, but, all the same...progress. But my problem, to tell you the truth, is that it isn't fast enough. You see, I have always been a "producer." A "get things done" personality that when faced with a problem I find the solution and then attack it head on. With this, though, this whole "witness" thing, I am getting anxious. I look around at the hall and see faces of people that nod their heads and raise their hands, yet, I see no semblance of understanding or even caring to. I hear some of the canned responses to questions, I hear complete fabrications of revisionism spouted off as fact and I am about to scream.

    Now, as many of you, I realize just what that "scream" will bring about. It's repercussions will be felt for the rest of my life and those of my family. But, I am at the point where I am having tremendous difficulty contending with the internal struggle. I feel like the character in the painting The Scream by Edvard Munch, ready to cry out, yet too contemplative to do so.

    Sorry for the rant, I think many know of what I speak.


  • cofty

    Go on then...

  • blondie
  • Oubliette

    I hear ya' ... sometimes it's good to rant.

  • tornapart

    Last night at the KH I felt exactly the same SOP!

  • TTATTelder

    I know how you feel SOP.

    I am going through the same thing. Imagine being appointed an elder right when all of this starts coming together for you.

    I can't believe people lap it up like they do either... but then again it hurts to face the truth. You are talking about people's complete world-view being ripped out from under them if they face facts.

    I also am shocked at all the recent talk about money. I mean we all know they are sitting on hundreds of millions of dollars and yet are still constantly asking for more.

    I am waiting for something big to come along and make this easy for us to walk away from. May not happen.

  • LostGeneration

    Have you made an exit plan? Sometimes just having a goal is enough to get you through it.

    Its mentally unhealthy to continue to sit through the lies and deception. That is why you want to scream. Some have even gotten to the point of physical sickness.

    Set a firm date to be OUT, come hell or high water. Its like crossing the river and burning the ship, no return after that happens!

  • adamah

    Yeah, and to tag onto LostGeneration's excellent advice, what are you waiting for, SOP?

    JWs are prone to 'paralysis of analysis', where they engage in the faux semblance of reasoning (an amazing recreation of the process of logic), but never actually ACT upon those thoughts. It leads to doing NOTHING in the end, and simply realizing TTATT isn't the important or difficult part: ACTING upon that knowledge IS the challenge. Every minute remaining in after awakening is self-inflicted torture, unless you're delaying for some reason.

    If you haven't planned an exit strategy and aren't working at overcoming your paralysis, the old saying applies: "failing to plan is tantamount to planning to fail".


  • ABibleStudent

    Keep on ranting Separation of Powers it will help you to let go of those emotions and continue to help those who you love.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • whathappened

    My sister and I, along with a few close family members and a friend all left three years ago. Nothing, absolutely nothing horrible has happened that the Society had warned us about. We are all happy to be out and none of us desire to return. we do agreewho wished we had left sooner, much sooner.

    I am fortunate that my only child and her spouse do not shun me. (Guess they have a bit of apostate in them, too!)

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