What is the best for the child if father knows TTATT and mother is a devout JW?

by Daniel1555 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  problemaddict

  How about option 3.

  Father leaves but does not blow things up (da or df), and speaks freely with their child down the road when the child becaomes able to understand more. he will need to be honest with his wife, and slowly work on her. He may even have to insist on taking the child to other places other than meeting, which of course will cause strife.

  The child is one. There is no reason to think about explaining doctrine. At the most, several years from now they may want someone to study with him, and that is as much the dads call as the mothers. They cannot force the child to study as long as the "unbelieving mate" has decided that is not ok. Focus on the kid.

  No need to get disfellowshipped. No need to DA. Just leave. As long as you don't try to convince others, your conversations with your family cannot be legislated. Don't underestimate the power a year of fading gives you. The congregation is a bubble. one year out, and they forget about you anyways because they are "busy with the work".

  Just my two cents of course. Kind of my similar situation, and that is how I am handing it. My wife if now waking up and we will all be together. My small child doesn't know the difference.
• 

  jgnat

  I also advocate a position between 1 and 2. It is even possible to "win without a word", the devout JW wife. Here are some suggestions.

  1. Get familiar with Steve Hassan's methods, write up a profile of your wife and her natural personality, and appeal to her natural self at every opportunity.
  2. Gradually reduce your meeting attendance.
  3. Celebrate your child's independence and ability to make personal choices.
  4. http://www.amazon.ca/Teach-Your-Child-How-Think/dp/0140238301
  5. If the child is fractious, tired, ill, or simply doesn't want to go, offer to stay home with your child and do some small fun activity.
  6. Insist on taking the lead on Family Study Night and don't skip it. Celebrate independent thought at every opportunity, even if your devout JW wife takes a different stance than you do. Use socractic questioning.
  7. If the wife is fractious, tired, ill, or simply doesn't want to go, offer her an alternative activity, even if it as simple as a hot chocolate and a back-rub in front of the television. Remind her there will be other meeting nights.
  8. I negotiate with my JW hubby how many times I go to meetings, and I ignore his whining when he gets hit with a fit of conscience. I usually attend general assemblies and circuit assemblies. I honor my own independence by bringing along a blank notebook and lots of snacks.
  9. Under no circumstances allow the elders to insert themselves in your marriage. Reinforce with your wife that the two of you can work out any issues between yourselves, and it is nobody else's business. Bring up examples of bungled relationships if you have to.
  10. Plan vacations to get maximum distance from the meetings. This gives your wife maximum opportunity to allow her natural self to shine.

  Even married to a Witness who is supposedly devout, you can reduce the influence of the WTS on your family and offer opportunities to awaken.
• 

  TD

  Option #2 if you ever hope to have a relationship with your child past the teenage years.
• 

  prologos

  suggestion No. 9 is excellent.

  applaud the child on any personal-building achievement* that wt life affords, without strengthening doctrine, cult behaviour.

  * we know of a 20 month old that placed "dead tracts" yesterday (ignoring child labor laws) but was praised for the achievement from a full TATT father.
• 

  ABibleStudent

  Hi Daniel1555, How about option 3? Option 3: Father learns how to help wife and child to critically thinking for themselves and successfully fades with his family from the WTBTS. If father wants to learn more, the father will read Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds; Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controling People, Cults and Beliefs"), visit his website www.freedomofmind.com, and watch his videos on his website.

  The father will also: make a plan to fade from the WTBTS with his family, vent on JWN to vent his emotions, ask questions on ways to help him and his family, start making friends with non-JWs who may have similar interest as his wife, support his child making non-JWs at school and accept play dates with non-JWs, encourage his child to independently research information and to go to college, and study the Bible with his family to help his wife and child to see that WTBTS doctrines are not based on the NT and the teachings of Jesus Christ.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
• 

  truthseekeriam

  If you know the real truth please don't allow your child to be raised in a religion that will leave him/ her with serious issues later in life.

  The moment the child starts school it begins.....no flag salute, no birthday cake, no holiday festivities. These may seem like little things but for a child who only wants to please their parents it's huge.
• 

  Daniel1555

  Thank you very much for your comments and suggestions.

  I am aware that there might be more options like for example fading or staying in and gently over the years try to influence wife and child.

  I will read Steven Hassans books and I try to look at the non cult personality of my wife.

  But probably I am already heading for option 2, as next week the elders want to talk to me again about my doubts. My wife wants me to tell them also about my decision to accept blood and blood products in a life threatening situation for me and my child, as I don't want to be bloodguilty. So probably they will view me sooner or later as da by action which is fine for me, as the situation would be clear.

  I will give my best to be mild and loving as I don't want to end up in divorce.
• 

  cofty

  Wishing you well Daniel, it's a delicate situation. Whatever happens your child must flourish in an enviroment that encourages freedom of thought and discovery.

  Nobody who as raised in the cult and who knows TTATT should contemplate doing that to their own children.
• 

  Daniel1555

  Of course I agree with you, Cofty.
• 

  wearewatchingyouman

  2. Speaking as a child (who is now a fully grown man) thankful to have grown up in this arrangement.