4that was really hilarious! I was reading along just trying to figure out what this was going to be the joke creeped up on me and before I knew it I was agreeing that solomon was wise to leave jehovah. Could you imagine if a, say teenager got ahold of that not suspecting it was from an apostate. They would just start getting foggy and depressed not knowing why. Docs would have them on anti depressants. Then one day they would just snap and leave the organization never knowing why. I love that slow delivery humour. So hilarious.
THE ALTERNATIVE DAILY TEXT by The Witchtower editor
Alternative Daily Text for Friday, December 13, 2013
“Let them serve as food for you.” (Genesis 1:29)
Shortly after their creation, God instructed humans: “Here I have given to you every seed-bearing plant that is on the entire earth and every tree with seed-bearing fruit. Let them serve as food for you.” (Genesis 1:29) He strictly charged them use “every seed-bearing plant” and “every tree with seed-bearing fruit … as food.” Thus we need to add some plants to our diet if we want to please God.
In a salad, we could use the seeds of the Castor oil plant, definitely a “seed-bearing plant.” Worldly scientists claim that “this plant is the most poisonous in the world” because it causes “nausea, diarrhea, tachycardia, hypotension and seizures” as well as “a burning sensation in mouth and throat, abdominal pain, purging and bloody diarrhoea.” Supposedly “death can be expected to occur within 3–5 days.” – Wikipedia.
But we must use ”every tree … as food” too, for example the Thuja. Its oil causes “asthma attacks, intestinal irritation, excess stimulation of the nervous system, and spontaneous abortion” and “seizures as well as damage to the liver and the kidneys … Deaths have been reported. Skin or eye contact … can cause severe irritation or burns.” Thuja also contains thujone which “is known to cause muscle spasms, seizures, and hallucinations” and to “damage the liver and the kidneys.” (Cancer.org) But aconite, hemlock and belladonna must not be missing from a Christian’s diet too. What God himself designates as food for us can’t be bad.
Alternative Daily Text for Saturday, December 14, 2013
“Woe to those who yearn for the day of Jehovah!” (Amos 5:18)
“Jehovah’s Witnesses have kept busy while awaiting Jehovah’s day.” ( The Watchtower, October 1, 2004, page 22 ) They “are ‘awaiting … the day of Jehovah,’ looking forward to relief when he eliminates all ungodly men.” (The Watchtower, April 15, 2007, page 19) “At that time none of Jehovah’s faithful servants, the only ones surviving, will mourn over the destruction of the wicked. To the contrary, they will rejoice.” (The Watchtower, June 1, 1977, page 345) “When the wicked [all humans who are not Jehovah’s Witnesses, including their relatives] die,” they say, “certainly there would be no sorrow when Jehovah destroys these wrongdoers. Rather, there would be joy because they had been removed from the scene.” (The Watchtower, November 1, 1982, page 16) “Reason will there be for the surviving worshipers of Jehovah God on earth to rejoice and cry out ‘Hallelujah!’ when he gloriously completes the destruction of man’s old order.” – Man’s Salvation Out of World Distress at Hand!, page 280.
Jesus though had prophesied that some people would pose as God’s channel of communication: “’Master, we preached the Message … our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking.’ And do you know what I am going to say? ‘You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don’t impress me one bit. You’re out of here.’” (Matthew 7:22, 23, MSG) Not for nothing, Jehovah instructed the prophet Amos to write down the warning: “Woe to those who yearn for the day of Jehovah!” (Amos 5:18) Eventually, Jehovah’s Witnesses will come to an inglorious end.
Alternative Daily Text for Sunday, December 15, 2013
“You did not come back to me.” (Amos 4:10)
Problems can arise even in Christian marriages, for example if the husband spends too much time on congregation matters of if the wife spends too much money on witnessing cases. But God “knows better than anyone else the way to a happy family life. And He has put the key at our fingertips in … the Bible.” (Kingdom News No. 32, page 2) Husbands whose wives committed adultery can follow Jehovah’s example, for “although Jehovah honorably fulfilled his role as Husband, the nation of Israel became an unfaithful wife.” (The Watchtower, August 1, 1995, page 10) How did Jehovah try to save his marriage with the nation of Israel?
Looking back over this time, he said: “I … caused a lack of bread in all your houses; but you did not come back to me … I also withheld rain from you three months before the harvest … I struck you with scorching heat and mildew … The locust would devour your fig trees and olive trees; and you still did not come back to me … I sent among you a pestilence … With the sword I killed your young men and captured your horses. I made the stench of your camps rise up into your nostrils; but you did not come back to me.” (Amos 4:6-10) Jehovah spared no effort to regain the love of his unfaithful “wife” – he struck the Israelites with famines, bad harvests, epidemics, poverty, death and many other plagues.
Christian husbands of today can do the same. They could cage unfaithful wives, withhold food and drink from them, or intentionally give them foul or poisoned food so that they get sick. As the ultimate measure they could kill their wives and hope that in the resurrection they will feel their “first love” again. (Revelation 2:4, NASB) But what if a wife does not respond to these loving measures?
In that case Christian men should consider that the same happened to Jehovah. He brought ever stronger diseases and plagues over his wifelike people – “but you did not come back to me.” (Amos 4:10) “Jehovah, in effect, divorced himself from the nation” of Israel when he realized that his marriage was beyond remedy (Awake!, February 8, 1994, page 21) Christian husbands can do the same and so “become imitators of God.” – Ephesians 5:1.
Alternative Daily Text for Monday, December 16, 2013
“They have set up princes, but I did not know it.” (Hosea 8:4, NWT 1984)
Many “people today are tired of living under the eye of God.” (The Watchtower, December 1, 1994, page 5) But is fearing “that God is watching continually what we do” justified at all? (The Watchtower, June 15, 1977, page 355) What does the Bible say?
At the very beginning of human history, Adam and Eve “hid from the face of Jehovah God among the trees of the garden. And Jehovah God kept calling to the man and saying to him: ‘Where are you?’” (Genesis 3:8, 9) Apparently God did not know where the humans sojourned and what they did. Centuries later God saw from heaven that some people were building a tower, but he was unable to recognize details. Thus he had to come “down to look at the city and the tower the people were building.” – Genesis 11:5, NLT.
In Abraham’s day God came to know from hearsay that something was wrong in Sodom and Gomorrah. Therefore he went for a visit to his friend Abraham, and to him “Jehovah said: ‘The outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is indeed great … I will go down to see whether they are acting according to the outcry that has reached me. And if not, I can get to know it.” (Genesis 18:20, 21) Evidently he was unable to see the events in these cities from his heavenly home. Rather, he had to go there in person to “get to know” what happened. Even later Jehovah was upset because the Kingdom of Israel had not informed him of political changes. He complained to Hosea: “They have set up princes, but I did not know it.” – Hosea 8:4, NWT 1984.
Obviously Jehovah did not know where Adam and Eva hid themselves. From heaven he could not see the construction of the Tower of Babel and the events in Sodom and Gomorrah. Also he did not realize the appointment of new princes in Israel. How is that possible? A psalm from David provides the answer: “The eyes of Jehovah are on the righteous.” (Psalm 34:15) Thus Moses, David, Jesus, and other “righteous” had always been under his surveillance and accordingly were reproached by him regularly. But Adam and Eve after they sinned, Nimrod, the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah, and the princes of Israel were not numbered among “the righteous.” Hence Jehovah ignored them for the most part.
Since there will “be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous” anyway, we do well to prove to be “unrighteous.” (Acts 24:15) In that case, when finally “the dead … [will be] judged out of those things written in the scrolls according to their deeds,” most of our “deeds” will not be recorded in these “scrolls.” – Revelation 20:12.
Alternative Daily Text for Tuesday, December 17, 2013
“Jehovah was with Judah.” (Judges 1:19)
Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that soon “Satan the Devil … [will use] his atheistic hordes to attack Jehovah’s people, to plunder and destroy them,” but then “Jehovah will step in and fight for his people.” (Worldwide Security Under the “Prince of Peace”, page 153) They say, “Jehovah will fight for us as he did in the days of Joshua and other loyal leaders in Israel.” (The Watchtower, December 15, 1986, page 18) This leads to the question, How did Jehovah fight “in the days of Joshua and other loyal leaders in Israel?”
The inspired account says: “Jehovah was with Judah, and they took possession of the mountainous region, but they could not drive out the inhabitants of the plain, because they had war chariots with iron scythes.” (Judges 1:19) Though Jehovah was successful in the rough “mountainous region,” he was powerless before the “war chariots with iron scythes” used in the lowland. Some time before, when fighting against the Egyptians, he had been walking across the battlefield and “taking wheels off their chariots.” (Exodus 14:25) But decades had passed; military technology had advanced. The iron scythes of the Canaanite war chariots deterred him from sabotaging their wheels. Yet this was not the first time that God lost a battle. Centuries before he had to admit to Jacob: “You have fought with God … and have won.” – Genesis 32:28, NLT.
3000 years have passed since the war against the Canaanites, and war technology has advanced substantially. Instead of “war chariots with iron scythes,” modern armies have atomic bombs, long-range missiles, and submarines at their disposal. In the upcoming “war of the great day of God the Almighty” his servants will be equipped only with “sword” and “bow,” and they will ride on horses. (Revelation 1:16; 6:2; 16:14) Maybe God will “call fire down from heaven,” but this will not be an issue for modern air defense systems. (Luke 9:54) Moreover, in the past God could never fight alone; though he supported them, the Israelites had to slaughter their enemies by their own hands. (Joshua 10:10; 1 Samuel 19:8; 1 Kings 20:21; 2 Chronicles 13:17) But since his modern worshippers “refuse to go to war” and to “do anything else that is in connection with the war,” they can not hope for victory. (The Watchtower, October 15, 1987, page 7; 1989 Yearbook of Jehovah’s Witnesses, page 116) And even if they would get ‘brighter light’ and go to war, Jehovah’s fighters with bow and arrow could not compete with modern weapon systems. – Proverbs 4:18.
Alternative Daily Text for Wednesday, December 18, 2013
“We want to … sacrifice to Jehovah our God.” (Exodus 5:3)
“We will surely make whatever sacrifices Jehovah asks of us.” (The Watchtower, October 15, 2008, page 29) The inspired account in the book of Exodus shows clearly why we need to offer sacrifices to God and what kind of sacrifices please him.
Moses told Pharaoh: “We want to … sacrifice to Jehovah our God; otherwise, he will strike us with disease or with the sword.” (Exodus 5:3) So the right motivation for bringing sacrifices to Jehovah is fear of being punished by him. Not for nothing, the psalmist urged all people: “Serve Jehovah with fear.” (Psalm 2:11) The apostle Paul confirmed this when he advised the Philippians: “Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” (Philippians 2:11, KJV) “’Jehovah will judge his people.’ It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” – Hebrews 10:30, 31.
What can we present as a sacrifice to God? Jehovah explained in reference to a bull: “Its dung, you will burn with fire outside the camp. It is a sin offering.” (Exodus 29:14) Back then, dung was an acceptable “offering to Jehovah, a pleasing aroma.” (Exodus 29:19) But “in the Christian congregation, Jehovah does not require us to offer such formal, material sacrifices.” (The Watchtower, October 15, 2009, page 3) Today we have to turn to the ‘faithful and discreet slave’ in order “to offer up spiritual sacrifices.” (The Truth That Leads to Eternal Life, page 118) Thus we need to offer spiritual “dung,” that is, “something worthless.” – Christian Dream Symbols.
“Many [Jehovah’s] Witnesses … contribute time and money to accomplish the preaching of the good news of the Kingdom.” (The Watchtower, August 15, 1953, page 490) But since everything that we teach will eventually be replaced by ‘brighter light,’ these witnessing efforts are “something worthless,” so to speak, ‘spiritual dung.’ (Proverbs 4:18) Are we not happy that we can have a share in the greater fulfillment of Exodus 29:14?
Alternative Daily Text for Saturday, December 21, 2013
“Keep warm and well fed!” (James 2:15, 16)
Under inspiration, the apostle James wrote to Christian women in Corinth: “If a brother is naked … yet one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm’ … but you do not give them what they need for their body, of what benefit is it?” (James 2:15, 16, Fn.) So it occurred that Christian women visited brothers and found them naked and freezing. In such a case they were obliged to “give them what they need for their body.” What did that mean?
Wise King Solomon explained what a freezing brother needs. He said: “If two lie down together, they will stay warm, but how can just one keep warm?” (Ecclesiastes 4:11) His statement shows that merely giving clothes or firewood to a freezing brother would not be enough. “Just one” simply cannot “keep warm.” Rather, Christian woman should follow Abishag’s example. She ‘lay beside David so that the king did keep warm.’ (1 Kings 1:2, NIV) Not for nothing did the apostle Paul mention in the same context that “Rahab the prostitute … [was] declared righteous by works.” – James 2:25.
Alternative Daily Text for Monday, December 23, 2013
“The kings of the earth take their stand and high officials gather together as one against Jehovah and against his anointed one.” (Psalm 2:2)
When was this prophecy fulfilled? The book Worldwide Security Under the “Prince of Peace” says: “In 1914 .. came the time for Jesus Christ, ‘the Son of David,’ to be enthroned … That momentous date had been pointed forward to since 1876 by those who became associated with the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society. But the nations of the earth … refused to recognize it as the time for them to turn over their earthly sovereignties to the newly enthroned ‘Son of David.’” (page 26) “In 1914 … human rulers were put on notice to submit to God’s chosen Ruler. But they have refused to do so.” – The Watchtower, June 1, 2003, page 18.
How should the nations have ‘submitted to God’s chosen Ruler’ who “is invisibly present … and is reigning from heaven?” (Awake!, March 22, 1993, page 6) That would have been easy, since “God’s Messianic Kingdom [is] represented on earth today by a small band of anointed Christians.” (The Watchtower, July 1, 1990, page 22) Hence it is an unforgivable sin that “since … 1914, the nations and empires of this world have refused to yield over peaceably their earthly kingship to [Jesus] … Till this year, after more than half a century, the nations have refused to do so.” – The Watchtower, October 15, 1969, page 622.
So all governments of the world should have relinquished their power to the “small band of anointed Christians” around Charles Taze Russell in 1914. Later this group was taken over by Joseph F. Rutherford, and he would have ruled “substituting for Christ” over all the earth from Beth-Sarim. (2 Corinthians 5:20) How would the earth look like today? Mankind would never have travelled to the moon, since “by a higher law of nature, man is bound to his earth, as he can never get out of its borders,” though this fact had been “ignored by space fanatics.” (The Golden Age, German edition, November 1, 1931, pages 326, 327). “Fried potatoes” and “white bread” would be banned. – The Golden Age, January 15, 1936, page 227.
Vaccinations would be considered “the inoculation of a healthy person with putrid pus” and banned, though their consequences could be moderated by “the ‘Grape Cure’ diet.” (The Golden Age, May 1, 1929, page 507; May 29, 1929, page 564) Thus most of us would not be alive because our ancestors would have been removed by contagious diseases, or executed for fornication, or they would have “refrained from having children” so shortly before Armageddon. (The Watchtower, October 1, 1999, page 10) “Having a share in the ministry” would be an “obligation” for us all, but we would hardly meet anyone because most homeowners would be in the ministry. – The Watchtower, September 15, 1993, page 18.
Would it really have come to that? We can’t be sure, because “since 1914, the ‘kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ’ has had a right to interfere with Gentile nations. Does this mean that Jehovah’s Christian witnesses now have a right to meddle in worldly politics? Not at all!” (The Watchtower, March 1, 1978, page 29) Granted, in the years preceding 1914 the “earthly rulers were determined to resist the heavenly Messiah in taking over world domination” – but if they would have changed their mind and relinquished their power to Jesus’ earthly representatives, those would still not have been allowed to meddle in politics. (The Watchtower, August 1, 1983, page 23) Maybe “worldwide anarchy” would have been the consequence. – 1991 Yearbook of Jehovah’s Witnesses, page 128.
All in all, we can consider ourselves fortunate that “in 1914, none of the nations .. were inclined to welcome Jehovah’s Anointed One, Jesus Christ, to the throne of rulership over the earth.” (The Watchtower, July 1, 1990, page 28) Let us hope that it remains this way in the future!
Alternative Daily Text for Wednesday, December 25, 2013
“A man will leave his father and his mother.” (Genesis 2:24)
Jesus repeated this prophecy and urged everyone to “leave his father and his mother.” (Mark 10:7) Was he referring to one’s literal parents? Hardly, for adult Christians “still need to honor their parents” a lifetime. (The Watchtower, February 1, 2010, page 27) So, which “father” and which “mother” was Jesus speaking of?
“Besides being the God of Christians, Jehovah is also their Father.” (Commentary on the Letter of James, page 47) Actually Jesus prompted us to disassociated ourselves “from our Father, Jehovah, and his motherlike organization.” (The Watchtower, June 1, 1998, page 23) Do not hesitate to heed his advice!