Did having kids make your decision to leave easier or harder?

by Comatose 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  Comatose

  I was thinking about a few things confusedandalone said the other day. I mirrored his thinking identically. For me it was having kids that made my decision to leave an easier one.

  If I had no children, I might still be in and just going through the motions. It's all I've ever known. It's giving up so much of my social circle and extended family to leave.

  But, being a parent I just couldn't bring myself to lie to my kids. To teach/inculcate in them a belief system that would either control or haunt them their whole lives. I left for my families sake. Whereas without kids I think I'd still be in and in limbo. I'd just be a closet alcoholic doubting and confused JW.

  How about you?
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  Mum

  When my daughter was born, it changed me. I don't know if I would have ever gotten out but for my strong wish that she not have the same kind of life I did.

  She doesn't.
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  KateWild

  Making the decision to leave was easier because I have kids. But actually just up and leaving is proving more difficult as they are already indoctrinated and assimilated by the BOrg.

  Deprogramming as a family is vital in my view, and that means attending a few more meetings than I personally would like.

  Kate xx
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  Ucantnome

  Harder.

  In the early 90's we were having a long weekend in the southwest and staying with some relatives. I was able to do quite a lot of witnessing over meals. It was easy to talk with them. When we left I felt motivated to do more because of our children. I wanted them to be witnesses and to motivate their hearts to serve God. I didn't want them to be like a lot of young ones I had known who were witnesses but still had to be reproved for this or that (now elders) I hadn't been doing much for some years i had no ambitions at the hall. That was about to change. At least thats how I felt on the way home.

  That summer i had no plans to attend the assembly which was imminent and my relative who was attended told me about a talk which later the information was in the Watchtower following year which caused me to stop the field service and with in two years I was not attending the hall.

  However after missing a few memorials (which out of all the meetings is the one i would miss) I attended along with my family. For them. It was a hard decision for me but I did it. When we arrived several elders were outside that hall doors but went in as we walked across the parking lot without a greeting and i thought they were out there to greet people silly me.

  I tried going back twice more, both times regularly, for the children sake. The last time I went for almost a year and was probably the most regular attendee at the hall. I didn't force my children to go. They wanted to go.

  However I could never see going back to believing like I did.

  When I first stopped going I wanted my wife to continue and take the kids. I felt that if I was wrong which i thought i probably was at least i wouldn't be hindering them. I felt it had risks if they did as it cause division in the family and i thought some would try. One of the meetings I attended with my teenage child the last time i went to the meetings for a spell an elder came up to us after and started speaking to us and told my child how happy he was to see them attending and told them in front of me "You don't have to listen to him"
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  cofty

  For me definitely easier. I would have left anyway but there was no possibility I was going to raise children in the cult.
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  2+2=5

  Easier for sure.

  I might still be going to the occasional meeting and even kept up a monthly appearance witnessing if I had no children. It would make some of my family relationships much better and I could have kept some friends.

  Upon learning ttatt, the weight of responsibilty I felt in not letting my kids become JWs was huge.

  It is not fair to drag my kids along to weekly indoctrination sessions and demand they keep still and quiet. I wasted my youth being a JW, it is the last thing I want for my kids.
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  cantleave

  It made the decision easier for both me and Jane
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  Ucantnome

  the point you mention 2+2=5 about the kids being still and quiet. in a discussion/argument with an elder when i was in the process of leaving i mentioned this point. how my child loved an animated film but could never sit still through the whole thing with out getting a drink or going to the loo or something, and i remember how incredibly boring it was as a small child to have to try and sit there through the whole meeting or else get into trouble with you father or those assembly sessions about 3 hours at twickenham cold and hungry and then some brother runs over time and follows with a long prayer how thankful they are for everything and how unthankful i was. How could I expect my child to do somethng i hated.
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  Ucantnome

  the point you mention 2+2=5 about the kids being still and quiet. in a discussion/argument with an elder when i was in the process of leaving i mentioned this point. how my child loved an animated film but could never sit still through the whole thing with out getting a drink or going to the loo or something, and i remember how incredibly boring it was as a small child to have to try and sit there through the whole meeting or else get into trouble with you father or those assembly sessions about 3 hours at twickenham cold and hungry and then some brother runs over time and follows with a long prayer how thankful they are for everything and how unthankful i was. How could I expect my child to do somethng i hated.
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  yadda yadda 2

  It made it much easier, as I realised I could never be a part of a religion like JW's that let kiddies die because of their blood policy and that has covered up rampant paedophilia and tied the elders hands in properly dealing with this evil. My love for my own children really made it a very simple decision to leave a religion that has such sick and wicked policies No way in hell I want to ever have anything to do with a religion like that. Their leadership are sociopathic criminals who should be locked away.