TOUCHED BY AN APOSTATE
I can’t decide if I want to curse or hug and kiss all the friends on JWN for giving me a bite of the Red Pill and allowing me the clarity I never had growing up. We were raised one hundred-percent Cult and our family obeyed all the rules that we could, some rules from the Cult my mother refused to obey for a greater-good, like humanity, helping disfellowshiped ex-JWs who were poor or depressed, she did not follow the Cult's code of treating weak or mentally ill people like shit. Dad could not stand the sight of seeing the harsh nature of disfellowshiping and allowing a starving child to live on the streets and felt it was wrong. He was removed as a elder for doing good to ex-JWs who were insane or too young to understand their sins or what type of dedication they made with New York. I blame my mother and father for not offering more choices in my life as a child. Pre-1975, the only correct "Things To Do", were " Bethel, Marriage and Pioneering", that's it! Mom and Dad were quick to allow me to marry before I graduated from High School in 1968, why, because of 1975. That's all that mattered, "Stay Alive Till 75!" because it's going to make all our wildest dreams come true and more! I could have my neighbors giant castle without lifting so much as a finger to work in this system!”
It did not take long for husband’s hatred of parental figures to rub off on me and use his philosophy to snake from my parents anything we needed. He said "Their not my parents, I don't give a dam!", so we used them for anything I could get out of them. Hubby was excellent at driving a wedge between me and my family, I now had a Sith-lord of 19 years-old telling me to dump all my feelings I had for Mom and Dad. he came from a grossly disfunctional family, his views of life-givers were “Parents can’t be trusted, they’all will let u down” because his mother allowed his three sisters to be taken by the State of Washington because his mother was dating a known child sex offender. Oh how he hated his mother and father for being mentally ill and deeply in various drugs. He hated the fact my parents were well respected with all the Witnesses, they helped all the sheep, nobody would go hungry with my parents around. They gave money to help friends with no food or needing help with ever telling the beneficiary of the gifts who they were. My husband, he is the opposite, he loves the sound of "clap", "clap", "clap"................. and blew his horn if he ever did any act of common decency. Hubby took no time in teaching me how to hate my parents and family, he was going to be the only planet in my Universe and when I spoke my mind, he locked me in a room with locks on the outside. When my three brothers found out, they almost beat the Hell out of them, I hated my brothers so much for finding out my husband was abusing me. I hated my parents even more for allowing me to get married but I refused their offer to "Divorce the Bastard and Move Home!" after my big mouth brothers told my parents what my lord was doing to me! My hatred for my parents is at it's all time high, I really can't stand the fact they did not force me to divorce this piece of shit!
Can I ask for forgiveness for all the lies I told about Ray Franz? Why did we tell lies about a man nobody but the top members of the Governing Body and close friends like Sam Dunlap knew the truth about? We had some crazy people come to visit us from the South, they were at the Assembly they claimed “When Ray was pulled off the stage or had his part taken from him” and our circuit ate that cat-shit story up like hungry hyenas. In Field Service, when a householder would ask us to explain something out of “Crisis of Conscience” with fake authority and ignorance we lied and said “That man is the Devil, he was removed from the Governing Body after going mentally insane! He goes on tv and book tours only to lie about us. (He never went on TV or Book Tours, more theocratic lies we spread with no guilt, lies rolled off our tongues the closer we merged with Satan’s Organization and we both jumped through every hoop judgmental and senile elders asked us to. We wanted so badly to get power, my husband with his low self-esteem, his father and mother abandoning him hated any type of father or mother figure, it was us (Pretty much Me since I had to work while he was in violation of “willful non-support” most of our married life. I worked three jobs at some points while he would take off months from work. My parents would have to lend us money, give us free rent and provide me and him with a car so I could pay off our bills he was racking up. He went crazy and began spending all our money buying gifts for all the elders, circuit overseers and district overseers until we had no money left but a mountain of debt we incurred to buy Jehovah’s Favor! Right before we filed for Bankruptcy, he took the last $300.00 out of the Food Jar and bought two A.T. Cross pens and gave them to the Circuit and District Overseer to show he felt they were “gold plated men in his eyes!” It worked, we had no food and I borrowed more money from my broke parents so we could buy some food. He was made Ministerial Servant three weeks after his gift of book-bags, pens, suits, shoes, and he even mowed some of the elders lawns and waxed their cars. I am working three jobs while he is working the Congregation Scene to get a position, no guilt for Willful Non Support or taking our kids baby formula money and making me beg my parents he taught me to hate for more money and more time to pay rent. Rent was almost two years passed due and we blew their only car up because he did not put oil or water in their car. They had to pay $2,000 to pay for its repair and he asked to use their car again because I had no other transportation to get to all my jobs!
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I read Eric B’s One Year Anniversary Thread since his Spiritual Stoning; I sat back for most of this year while I pondered how I could win you back to the one and only “true religion”. That never worked out because the more I started to follow Eric’s trial and read all the wild and funny postings from highly talented members, I got stuck or you could say I was touched by an Apostate Website, I bitten a chunk off the Red-Pill and the truth about this Cult began to tear my conscience and heart to pieces. My hubris of thinking I could play with fire and not get burned, I badly miscalculated the power of knowledge when a person is experiencing shame and guilt with anxiety, JWN found a chink in my spiritual armor, I should have stopped and popped the entire bottle of Blue-Pills but it was too late, my addiction to Eric’s “My Apostate Trial” was too much even though I knew he had a “snow ball’s chance in Hell for true justice, the JCs are not for justice or truth, they are to squash out any type of personal growth apart from the High Mind Controlled Group. I knew Eric was doomed from listening to details and accounts of JCs and hearing beforehand that my husband had already decided before the first “evidence gatherings” took place. The stories for decades how rigged and cruel and merciless JCs can be unless you have spiritual-political capital or your elders owed you a “quid-pro-quo” favor from years ago.
The strangest part is people here might deny stories I lived through and witnesses the coordinated attacks by elders and female-elders trying to get rid of Les Miserables or undesirable JWs “weak or low-hours, chronic-anxiety or deeply-depressed souls out of our Kingdom Halls. The more I read the stories here, the more I knew I had to share some of the really bad things I saw first-hand. My conscience was freaking out as I popped Xanax and Valium, was I a child doomed for Hell Fire after playing along with JW-Scientologist-Sunburst-Farm Cult methods? My guilt is killing me now, the memories of the most
I need to take time off and figure out how I am going to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ, being part of this Cult is mutually exclusive to being a Christian. The calloused evil and hatred this Petri-Dish Cult breeds is worse than Ebola when it turns on you. Look how many people abandoned Eric and all the other good people on JWN after they pointed to the Nude King's New-Light Clothing. JW Religion is the opposite of thinking, opposite of altruisim, compassion, goodness,kindness,joy, happiness and generous nature to all. What kind of religion will take the life-force from Worldy People (Their Blood) and not give any in return? How can a Jehovah Witness Hemophiliac take "Factor 8 or 9" with any conscience? Why are JWs allowed to take blood fragments from Satan's Worldy Followers and not give anything in return? JWs are the biggest users in the world, they are the most ungrateful, expect Satan's System to support them when they fall ill. I want to do something with my life besides being bitter I was lied to for decades, married a piece of shit who love's his position over everything else in life, even more than Jesus Christ.
I spoke with a Non-Denomination Minister, he said "God might have a plan for you!" I thought, if I divorce my husband I can allow him to blow the busines up and start a competition of his and eat him alive. Lock him in the room for a few days like he did to me all those decades ago!