It has been several years since my awakening. Since then I have stopped pioneering, stopped doing temp work at bethel, stopped field service (at the most, I went out a few hours a month for the last couple of months), my meeting attendance has been around 50 percent or so. I have decided not to go back. I just need advise on how to Handel phone calls and visits from people in the congregation, and what to say to family members that are questioning why I have stopped attending. And also, I know what I'm doing is right for me, but I still feel extremely guilty about it all...
I'm not going back...finally
by lostinthought 23 Replies latest jw friends
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Narcissistic Supply
Hi LIT,
My suggestions: Write down 100 goals. Think about the things you want in this world. Don't think about the things you don't want.
Every day find joy in life. Do something EVERY day that is just for you. That you enjoy.
Refuse to feel guilty. Refuse to be afraid.
The watchtower is a parasite of the mind. The freedom you seek is to free yourself from the parasite.
You can Kill the parasite in your mind without harming the host. But you have to go to work on yourself.
You may win and you may lose. But at least you have the satisfaction of knowing that you tried.
Give while your alive. Give Give Give.
Be Strong,
God Bless.
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AnnOMaly
When people visit, be pleasant. Smile.
Responses to enquiries:
"I've been so busy/exhausted/depressed/stressed, I need to take a break."
"I'm having a change of routine."
No other explanation is needed. If they fish for more details say,
"I'd rather not go into it. So how are you?"
If a shepherding visit is offered:
"Thanks for your concern but not at the moment. I'll call you if I need you." [Smile]
The hardest to tackle is from closer friends or family who lay on the guilt/fear and manipulation and therefore push your buttons. It's then that you can let things slip without really meaning to if you don't stay on your toes. If in doubt, say something like "Your pressuring me is just stressing me more. Please don't. I need to work through this myself and with Jah's help."
Some ideas, anyway.
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JakeM2012
Hi Lostinthought, thanks for sharing. At first you will cope with guilty feelings, thinking perhaps that your selfish, spiritually weak, etc. You can think yourself through these moments.
Advise on what to say? I could never "stretch" the truth even if it was for theocratic warfare reasons. Truthful but simple explanations or excuses are the best, and we don't "owe" anyone a full explanation Or at least a full explanation is not recommended if you are trying to stay under the radar.
What are your reasons for not going back?
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OnTheWayOut
Screen your calls the best you can. If you discover a number is that of someone you wish to duck, let them go to voicemail. Don't return their call ever. Be very short with "I am fine." Use what AnnOMaly says above. Be prepared to lose friends. Remember- that type of friend isn't really needed- one who avoids you because of your meeting attendance.
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notjustyet
You know what you are doing for yourself is right,.. that alone is a great place to be mentally. It looks like you need to figure out how not to feel guilty and to do that I think that you need to find out why you feel guilty so that you can dismantle the things that push you into that feeling of guilt.
You mentioned that you know what you are doing "is right for me" I would take that a step further and say that it is not only right for you, but should be right for everyone. How can leaving a High Control Group ever be the wrong thing to do? Do you think that, even on the slightest level, that there is something right about the WTBTS? I ask because I wonder if you somehow think that you are doing something wrong where the Jws are somehow correct and that you have failed and just could not take it personally.
I think that we need to view it from a different perspective, we need to view the "still in" jws as being in a whirlpool in a rushing river where you have clawed your way out and are now getting your breath and are trying to figure out a way to throw someone a line to help them get out
I think that the only person guilty in that analogy would be if the person who makes their way out just turns and leaves without at least trying to sar some of the others stuck in that whirlpool.
There is no guilt in trying to justify that you made it out of the whirlpool. Don't feel guilty!
If asked now why I had stopped attending I would want to use this one "If you have to ask, then you are not ready to know" or " I guess me BS detector is set to a higher level of sensitivity than most others"
NJY
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flipper
LOST IN THOUGHT- You don't " owe " anybody any explanation on why you stopped attending. If you feel you must explain- any number of reasons will work. Just say " I've been depressed but I'm seeing a therapist. " Just say " I have personal reasons and I'm working it out , but thanks for your interest. " Or say, " I've just been really busy with work ". Or just say, " I'm doing fine and I just needed break right now ".
Any of these may work. Here's the deal- If you go into some LONG TRUTHFUL explanation of how you have doubts about the WT Society- anything you say can and will be used against you in a " court of Judicial meetings " by elders if you reveal too much. So ask yourself : Are you ready to go through their interrogation process ? If not, I'd keep duct tape on your mouth ( trying to insert humor here ) and stay quiet. Believe me, after 10 years in a faded inactive state, take this from someone who has been there, you don't want to say too much or you may lose close JW relatives. Be careful. Good luck, we are here for you, O.K. ? Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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jgnat
I'm being asked to attend a meeting near me soon, second-hand of course. Witnesses are masters of duck-and-weave. I intend to pass on, second-hand of course, asking after all his children (most of them no longer attend).
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Giordano
What you may be feeling guilt-wise is breaking away from the tribe. Or it could be your fighting the good fight with all of the WT stuff that was imprinted on your brain.
There are the relationships of course. And the personal relationship with god, which if important to you can be continued........ on your terms. And that is the key thing....your terms.
We know it feels like your dancing across the water right now but keep going forward and soon you'll be on dry land.
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leavingwt
Step 1 is to imagine yourself happy, without any JWs in your life. Once you're out, all of of them will turn their backs on you. This includes your close "friends" and family.
You can drag out the process of leaving, or tell them point blank the truth.
The end result is the same: ALL of the JWs are out of your life.
Until you're ready to lose them all, stay in and keep up appearances.
You'll know when it's time to cut the chord. You'll reach the point at which staying in hurts worse than what you imagine the future loss will be.