I'm not D/f or D/a and my dad wont even talk to me

by LyinEyes 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • LyinEyes

    The last time I heard from my father, was last July , a few days before a special assembly day. He heard that we were not going to meeting anymore, which was stange since hubby was an elder last time he thought to check on me. I have always been the good daughter, the one who stayed in "the truth" , the one he was so proud of. He would send me a card once or twice a year and we would do lunch. This went on for 15 yrs and since he remarried back when I was 18 ,he has had another family . He has always left me high and dry , when I needed him the most. Such love! And to think he couldnt pull himself away from never ending theocratic ladder climbing to check on his daughter that beg, literally for his help and love. Well, it is over now, too many years gone by, he doesnt know my kids at all. His own grandchildren, and we are in the same damn circuit . How twisted is that. I hate the borg and what it stands for , and those who give all they have to it, and not their own families. I used to look forward to circuit assemblies , that way I could see my daddy. I really tried to have him in my life, but he turned me away. He really will have a reason soon, to write me off as he did my d/a sister. Well, I dont think it will bother me anymore now than it has for the last 15 yrs.
    But I can say now I am beginning to not care anymore about him. I know it will always hurt but I know alot if not all, of you know what I mean.

  • OlderTom

    By their fruits you will know my disciples Christ said.

    Who's disciples are those that behave like the way you described your dad. Sorry but it hurts. I got over it and so will you. Life is too short, look to the future and make the most of what life has to offer. Maybe one day he will see the light. You can't afford to just sit around waiting, you need to live life to the full NOW.

    And you will know the truth and the REAL truth will set you free.


  • Hyghlandyr

    <hugs> Lass. If I could relate I would. My sisters and I have been shunning our da for the last ten years. We wont have anything to do with him. Many of you are aware of bits of our story there. My mum we tried to associate with for a long time. But the final straw with her, was when we (my two sisters, their husbands and my wife) were taking care of her at various times, and she would accuse us of adult abuse!!!!!

    After everything she put us through growin up and then to lie to try to get us arrested. That was it and we were sick of her games. Even then we still tried to take care of her some, but each time we were around her it was a drain. She had several strokes and now cannot walk, recognize us. She is living her own personal hell.

    Parents are to be respected? Bull. They have taught me naught but to disrespect them. No parents have a responsibility to their kids, young or adult, to treat them well. When a parent stops, and even goes overboard to the point of treating them badly, then they forfeit all benefits that are due parents. Including our affection, attention, and loyalty.

    And yes this applies to Irish parents as well.

  • Angharad

    Sorry Lyin, it really hurts doesnt it. I'm not da'd or df'd but my sister hasnt spoken to me since Oct 2000.

  • Sirona

    you make a good point. I often feel guilty if I raise my voice at my parents, despite the fact that they are saying the most hurtful things to me. If it was anyone else I wouldn't have a problem telling them where to go!

    LyinEyes: I too was rejected by my biological father, but not via the borg. It hurts no matter if religion is involved or what. I advise you to tell him how you feel. After 20odd years of being upset about my abandonment by my dad, I finally phoned him up and told him how I felt. I told him and asked him WHY? He gave some answer, and he was sincerely hurt and realised his mistake. Only a few months later he died suddenly, and I was glad I'd managed to tell him. Even if he doesnt change, you will have said it.


    ** http://www.religioustolerance.org **

  • Prisca

    Did your Dad's affections cool off after he re-married, or after he found out you became inactive? It wasn't real clear from your post.

    I can certainly relate to your father's coolness. Lack of affection and attention from my father has been a reality for my sister and I for the past 14 years, and that has been while we were allwitnesses!! So now that I've become inactive there's been no change in the way he treats either my sister or I. We're completely ignored.

    And oh yes, he and his wife are JWs!!!

    Hang in there LyinEyes. Eventually you realise that it's his problem, not yours, and it's him who loses the most. It's sad for your kids that they never got to know their grandfather, but if he can't treat his own children with love, then why let your kids be subjected to his particular brand of "love"?

  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    How sad. Hang in there. You have your children and yourself to look after. You need to occupy your mind with other activities and come to the realization that if that's the way the witnesses view their families who no longer go to their meetings, so be it. Why make your life miserable? Many on this forum will encourage you to move on and believe me, you will be better for it. There is continued life after leaving the org. just as there was another life when you got married. Slowly move on.

    Guest 77

  • Frenchy

    It's a sad story but not as uncommon as we would suppose. Like someone has already mentioned it really has little to do with religion. I know two separate instances of people who have re-married and after doing so pretty much alienated themsleves from their families. It's as if they don't want to remember their former lives and they are totally immersing themselves in what they now have.

    It causes a lot of grief (and anger too!) for the family that has been abandoned. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

  • Undecided

    Hi LyinEyes,

    I can't understand your dad's actions. He is missing one of life's most precious treasures, the love of his daughters. I almost cried when I read your post. The only thing that could make a person feel that way is the cult influence of some religion.

    I'm sorry that you are having to experience this. I hope he will wake up some day and see what he is missing.

    Ken P.


    I am a mom that does not stop yapping at my daughter to the point she wishes I would put a lid on it and if it was not me it is Mamie kitty....when we go I hope we go together -- I would be lost without her..we is a tight family !!!

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