Who really is to blame for the marriage breakdowns?

by Quarterback 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • laverite

    EXACTLY Julia. We are so on the same wavelength!

    But back to the OP....As Quarterback said, there are many burdens on marriages today. I feel very sorry for people who might be able to make a marriage work somehow not make it due to a variety of factors. So many marriages end in divorce today. That makes me very sad.

  • Quarterback

    Er...thanks, friends. For your comments. It got side tracked abit, but the topic is back on tract.

    We did have some failed marriages that I witnessed in the 70's. I think that those were cases of the couples not really knowing who the other person was. The society didn't recommend long engagements, back then.

    Your comment about compromise and forgiveness is well taken, Lois.

  • snare&racket

    Never in the history of mankind has a HAPPY marriage EVER ended in divorce.....

    think about it.....

    Who is to blame? I know the pressure to marry is strong in the Wt world, but we all have the means to not marry for sex, convenience, fear of being single etc. the married couple are to blame, but good on them for being brave enough to,know when to quit. Life is too short to spend it unhappy.

    Marriage is an odd entity, its a pagan tradition born in a time pre major civilisation, long before the Jews existed, nevermind Christians. It was a time of mystics, Druids, planet worship and blood sacrifice to who knows what...

    it's not only biology that can evolve, but culture too. Having one mate with commitment is beneficial when animals live in a community, men can defend their family confident that its their DNA they are preserving, women can be assured their offspring can be cared for. For the non biologically minded, I apologise if that sounds cold, but it is reality. Marriage has survived for many reasons, I suspect this is a large element to it.

    In 2013 marriage is a legal right and a means to publicly announce our commitment along with legal benefits, but that aside its about two people living together.

    What gets me is why people get sad or melancholic at the idea of a broken marriage.... It was obviously NOT a happy marriage, they were obviously not happy together, if there were kids too, then there are consequences to this kind of environment. A happy marriage has never, ever ended in divorce. We know this, yet it makes us sad. Why? Fear that it could happen to anyone? To you? To me? ........ Interesting isnt it...

  • Quarterback

    Yes, S&R, you're right. we do hope that it never happens to us. It really, is frustration to see the WT try to fix something that is broken in the case where two have already called it, quits. I can understand going and receiving some marriage counselling, but, sometimes these counsellors would decide in favor of a separation. It's not a decision that should be made litely.

  • tim hooper
    tim hooper

    Contributing factors:

    Lack of choice of a partner - worldwide JW's account for less than half of 1 percent of the population.

    Marrying way too young - It's the only way to have sex without being disfellowshipped.

    Required submission of women - It's not natural and restricts women from expressing themselves fully.

    Restricted income - A witness upbringing means that for most JW's the lack of education will mean poor work prospects and consequently a low income.

  • EdenOne

    I would add two other factors:

    The pressures of keeping up with a tight theocratic schedule: Meetings, conventions, evangelizing, personal study, family study, assignements of theocratic school, etc. That adds to the regular pressures of everyday 'mundane' life of the average Jane and Joe.

    Also, the pressures of dealing with people in the congregation, not all of them people one would have as regular friends, but that you are obliged to endure, get along with and even entertain. Some of these people feel entitled to pry into your marriage even, ushering their 'theocratic authority' to do so, without invitation.


  • TotallyADD

    Many young men in the JW cult got their sex education from Playboy. Mostly because the cult made sex dirty and parents in the cult would listen to the JW cult. So many had a destorted view on sex and what a real women looks like. I knew many young married couple's that had problems in the bedroom. Funny thing was is was mostly the guy's. I knew one guy because of his mother pounding into his head as a child how God hated sex. When he finally got married he was so scared to have sex with his wife he thought god was going to destory him for it. This is a extreme case but you can see my point on why many marriages in the cult breakdown. This is just one factor. But mostly most of the problems usually end up over sex. Totally ADD

  • flipper

    QUARTERBACK - " Who really is to blame for the marriage breakdowns " ? ( Within the JW organization one might add )

    The WT Society is to blame primarily as you state in your opening thread and you make some good and very valid points I wish to add to.

    " Think about the 1950's ..... we have come a long way. Today men and women are free, empowered to make decisions , and to change things if things are not working right. " WE may have come a long way since exiting the WT organization but the WT Society and JW's are STILL living in the 1950's in how they apply their rules and regulations. Men have more freedom in the JW organization than women do and if a " sister " wants to escape an abusive marriage she is looked at as either a harlot, or unsubmissive, or rebellious. It's insane and very destructive how elders are allowed to break up families with absolutely assanine counsel which trainwrecks marriages by the thousands !

    Because the WT Society controls through fear and guilt- many young JW people are actually FORCED to marry too soon as older teenagers or their early 20's because if they want to have sex ( like most normal humans do ) they have to do it within the confines of marriage thus making them essentially getting married for the wrong emphasized reason - to just have sex. Otherwise if they have sex before marriage they'll get kicked out of the congregation disfellowshipped and cut off from their families and support system. So it actually FORCES a young JW to have no other alternatives but - Get married too young, go pioneer, go to Bethel , go be a missionary - or if a young JW is REALLY smart - leave the JW cult and get a good college education and escape to get your freedom . With the latter being the best option in my opinion. Is it any wonder that the WT Society is losing 66 % of the born-in JW's in this cult ? With restrictive rules like they have- I'm surprised the number leaving isn't higher ! Great thread

  • blondie

    I do believe that until the early 1950's married couples were not called to Bethel and if a Bethel brother wanted to get married he had to leave and maybe later come back, maybe. Originally, Bethel candidates were almost all young men who signed an agreement to stay 4 years and not get married then. Bethel brothers started getting married after Knorr and other bigwigs did.

    Then there was the rush to get married between 1966 and 1975 when the idea/rumor was spread that there would not be marriage in the new system for the survivors...we had 4 or 5 weddings every weekend, some people had only known each other for 6 weeks. Engagements longer than 1 year were frowned upon. And 3 dates meant you wanted to marry the person, and that an engagement was forthcoming or you were leading the person on.

    The worse cases of failed marriages were elders and MS. If they could not solve the problem in their own family, how could they give good advice to others.

    The WTS did not officially encourage marriage, let alone young marriage, but then no advice on how to live a celibate life in a practical way.

    Parents, concerned their baptized child would commit fornication, encouraged early marriage, not realizing that adultery was just as real a problem in unhappy marriages. Sisters married early before the field of candidates was emptied or only rejects remained. A brother can marry a 20 year old at 40, but not a sister.

    The WTS harps on men being the "head" without showing the responsibility that comes with that and that a good marriage is a partnership not a slave master relationship.

    Sometimes the "truth" is the only thing some jws have in common. But they don't understand what it is or practice it themselves.

    The WTS averages about the same marriage breakups and non-jws in my area.

  • TD

    Jehovah's Witnesses themselves are the biggest single negative influence in a marriage from my point of view...

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