What Now?
Yep...I know what you're going through and you have my sympathy.To me it's much like the feeling one gets when eating all alone in a restaurant and everyone else is chatting away and you don't know what to do except pretend you're intently interested in reading the label on the ketchup bottle. It's like coming back from a great vacation and not having anyone to share the photos with when you get home. Something's missing...you feel like you were invited over for drinks,only to find out everyone else is staying for dinner.
I think this is what one can expect to feel when one exits a cult or extremely insular(unhealthy) social setting such as what we were all part of. A lot of us have a major case of arrested development going on. We never developed the social skills needed to make friends that weren't already prequalified for us. We are unsure how to act when there isn't a script to go by. Like it or not, I think you are going to experience this feeling one way or the other. You can deal with it now or deal with it in a decade or two like many of us are.
It seems to me you have two choices.
1. Stick with the JW organization and view it as a means to an end. Have the best of both worlds, have your cake and eat it too. Go to the meetings with the intent of gleaning from them what you can but don't veiw them as the supposedly life sustaining banquets they claim they are. This way they'll be mildly amusing rather than annoying and dissapointing. Do as much or as little as you choose or are able. Do as well as you can with the established beliefs but draw your own conclusions where the beliefs conflict with your own sense of what's real. Keep your personal thoughts about life's big picture to yourself. It's nobody's business what you feel personally about everything. I call this the "JW My Way" Plan. This is what my Brother does. I envy his ability to go throught the motions without any mental discomfort. He has a ton of friends all over the country and world really. He doesn't believe JW's are the one and only truth out there yet he is able to take from it what he needs. If you are able to do this you'll get the social interaction you desire and you'll get to be around some basically nice folks who are trying to do what they think is right. Your child and you will have a built in framework of people to choose friends from especially if there are a number of other K. Halls nearby which is helpful if you're assigned to a "Dud" Hall. Being a JW is what you already know so you still have the option of going back to your comfort zone and will be able to concentrate on being a Mom rather than having to rebuild your life while simultaneously raising a child.
2. You can tough it out now realizing that sooner or later you'll probably have to face this same situation anyway. You'll have to trust that like anything in life, if you hang in there long enough you'll get the hang of it and your efforts will build one upon the other until have something to show for yourself. It's nice that you can be part of certain activities because of your child but It might be easier if you make friends based on your own merit. Chances are you'll click with people better that way. Your child will have no trouble making his own friends especially if his Parents are doing the same and are socially well adjusted themselves. You can take steps toward gaining new friends by getting to know neighbors you've seen around but didn't bother with when you were a JW. You may have to stick your neck out and form activities of your own and invite people over . It may flop a few times but it's a learning experience right? Make up an excuse to happen by your neighbors houses when they are out in the yard working and introduce yourself. Maybe you can join a book or book clubs where you can actually discuss the topic at hand without being sensored.Maybe you'll decide to take a crochet or knitting class or become part of a knitting group so that you can knit your child and new baby a blanket of their own. From those groups you meet with regularly, friendships may develop. Place yourself in situations where you will see the same person or persons regularly such as at a gym or Yoga class for example. Basically that's what happened when you were a JW. You probably never discussed religion with JW's, you just kept seeing them 3 times a week so naturally you gravitated toward certain ones you clicked with. It had nothing to do with the beliefs being true or not.
Whatever the case, one thing is for sure, you came to the right place to vent and have a listening ear from those of us in various stages of the same process.