My Dad called

by Elsewhere 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • Elsewhere

    The other day I sent my family a framed studio photograph that I had made for them.

    I called to make sure they got it and my mom said that she did and that it was placed with the other family photos in the living room.

    A few days later my dad called to thank me. He then went off into a tangent about how he wants me to come back to the "truth". [wincing] I told him that I would never return the to organization - never. I told him that I respect his right to believe as he will, but I expect the same in return. (This is the delicate truce that has existed in my family since I left - I don't intend to rock the boat).

    He went on about how he has had to humble himself to gods arrangements...

    A little history: He was removed from being an elder after helping my aunt who was being beaten and mentally abused by her husband (a brother in good standing) - my dad was later made an elder again after everything settled down. As he said, he had to humble himself to "god's arrangements" - apparently that involves "waiting for jehovah" to stop a psycho from beating his wife. My aunt ended up having to commit adultery so that she could divorce the man. Last I heard she is happily remarried, but my cousins (moved out) are all f***ed up in the head. My x-uncle had several strokes and is now barely able to get around. I won't even get into the ugly custody battle that split the congregation down the middle and evolved kidnapping one of the kids across state lines and hiding her in the woods.

    Once he "waited on jehovah" and let all of this happen he was finally let back in as a elder.

    He also went on about how "the scene of the world is changing" and we are getting close to the end... bla bla bla.... He had a very worried and stressed tone in his voice. He REALLY believes the crap the bOrg teaches. He REALLY does.

    He told me that he had contacted a local congregation and told them about me and where I lived. I about hit the ceiling I was so mad! I moved 400 miles to get away from the JWs and in one phone call from my parents they knew where I lived again. I told him that I did not want them to contact me. He said that he told them that I didn't want to be contacted, but they might contact me out of love. [wincing again]

    Ever since I left the bOrg he has changed. He looks at me differently. He talks to me differently. He always has an air of stress and worry - like a broken animal. Especially after “he humbled himself to gods arrangements” and let the elders “adjust his thinking”. He goes on about how he blames himself, how he failed me somehow.

    I hate to see him torment himself like that. Why can’t he just let go and accept me for who I am?

    I try to do something nice and this is what I get... betralay by my parents and f***ed up nerves. It took me a long time to start to forget about what I experienced in the bOrg, now I'm back at square one.

    Damn I'm pissed!

    "As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
    Believe in yourself, not mythology.
    <x ><

  • Celia

    Wow, Elsewhere !
    That must be upsetting !
    Take a deep breath... Aaaah !
    It sounds like your father would be happier if he somehow could get out of her .

  • JBean

    I understand how you must be feeling... but I don't believe you should think of it as back to square one. You've worked hard to get this far... if some JW's show up at your door, relay to them in the nicest possible way that you have absolutely NO interest and please do not call again. As far as your dad's concerned, he sounds like a very loving but very confused man. He did his "duty" to remind you of the "trooth" and so his conscience should be clear on this point. I tend to feel bad for him because he is so confused. I think the best you can do for him is just to continue to love him... lumps and all!

  • Scully

    I guess it boils down to knowing that YOU did everything in your power to get away from the bOrg. You did what was best for you, to the best of your ability.

    You might consider getting a "BEWARE OF DOG" sign, and a recording of a large dog barking and snarling that is activated when those Loving™ dubs come to your door. I love the cartoon with the sign on the door that says: "My dog eats every third Jehovah's Witness that comes to the door. Guess which one you are."

    Seriously though, you do have the option of being put on the "Do Not Call" list. If they call on you against your specific wishes, they will be fined. Make 'em pay if they trespass on your premises.

    The whole "wait on Jehovah" crapola really pisses me off too. It makes me imagine this big balding guy with a long white beard in a white robe and sandals getting his jollies off of watching women and children being beaten up by their husbands/fathers who just happen to be elders. He seems to be especially fond of watching little kids getting molested by elders. Wait on Jehovah?? What the hell for?? He's a sick disgusting pervert if He needs to "WAIT" to do something about these kinds of crimes! And He sure doesn't deserve worship from ME if that's the kind of "God" He is!

    Love, Scully

  • maxwell

    Wow, reading that sounds somewhat like what I'm about to go through/ am going through.
    I don't want to comment to much on my situation now, because I'm right in the middle of leaving, but I've told my parents I'm about to be DF, and they are really upset, feeling as if they've failed somehow. I was hoping that eventually that feeling would at least die down, but sounds like they could feel that way indefinitely.

    My father also was an elder but stepped down for an unspecified reason when I was a teenager. But he's still strong in the organization. He's called several times within the past week since I told them. My mom and one of my sistesr also have called. Everytime, they're almost in tears or in tears. My father says my mother is heartbroken. Even if this was the right religion, I don't think that's a healthy response to a person making their own choice about their future. I can't serve God for them. One principle of the religion is that your first relationship is between you and God. It isn't dependent on other humans. So this reaction doesn't make a lot of sense. It hurts me to see them hurting, but if they can never get over their hurt, I think I will just have to get over mine. I don't think one should let others heavily emotional reactions to situations bring them down too long.

  • Elsewhere

    I hate what this does to my nerves. Every time something happens to remind me of my JW experiences I become depressed and start having flashbacks.

    It is very hard for me to work and hold down a job like this. I have a hard time functioning and end up sleeping most of the time. All I want to do is go to sleep and never wake up again. I just want to pain to stop.

    "As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
    Believe in yourself, not mythology.
    <x ><

  • ThiChi

    Time for some Theocratic Strategy (Just good ol’ Lying, that is)! When the Jws come to your door and ask for “You,” just say, “sorry, no one lives here by that name.”

  • Elsewhere

    ThiChi, that would be funny , but I want to make it clear to them that they are NEVER to contact me again.

    The thing that angers me the most is that I worked very hard to make sure they did not know where I lived or had any current records on me. I hate the idea that somewhere in that organization is a file with my name on it. I wish that here in the US there were a law that I could use to force them to purge all information about me.

    Since they know where I am now, I might as well send a very firm certified letter to the local congregation telling them that they are not to ever contact me.

    "As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
    Believe in yourself, not mythology.
    <x ><

  • singsongboi

    there is a lot of emotional pressure placed on all jws. right from the first study - some pressure is exerted to help your family 'know' this too. and to help them 'survive' armageddon.

    and the emotive picture that is painted of everyone living together as perfect men and women in the paradise.

    it's so strong !!!!


  • ConnieLynn

    Elsewhere - Your dad sounds like my mom! It doesn't matter how happy you are, you're out of the "truth" therefore, you are danger of losing your life at Armageddon. THerefore, lay on the guilt trip! I always feel sick to my stomach after one of those conversations with my mother. Every single time I talk to my mom, which isn't often, I remember what is was like to be in the organization, it is such an intense feeling, I feel upset for hours sometimes days after. Hang in there, you've come a long way just getting out. I don't know if those feelings ever completely go away. I do know it helps to talk to other people who have had the same or similar experiences, so stay on this board and talk to all of really helps.

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