Sosoconfused, I am sorry for the stress with your mother. You seem to be a nice guy. I don't have any helpful advise, as I have endured a strained relationship with my mother, who, up until my father died, mom and I had no problems ever. So, I write to let you know that there are others in similar circumstances.
My situation is probably not unique, but I have a fleshly brother that plays very dirty; meaning launching and dropping a Hiroshima/Nagasaki bomb like character assasination composed of treacherous lies of me and my family shortly after my dad died. (He's a Bethel graduate of 12 years, what else would you expect?). My mother chose to believe his lies, and now there is a division in the family greater than any before. At first, it really emotionally hurt, and as it has been going on for 12 years now, I have never seen a chance for even a truce so I "turned the other cheek".
It seems that nothing I could do has helped; any effort on my part was quickly spun to be evil by my brother who has control of my mother. So I have chosen to recognize that there are somethings that I cannot change. I chose this path so that I would not let their hatefulness and lies affect the peace in my immediate family.
However, although there are circumstances I might not be able to change, but that does not leave me without control. One scriptural idea from Proverbs that I thought was wise, is a simple one, "Where there is no wood the fire goes out, and where there is no slanderer contention grows still." My silence has been equal to removing the wood that was being used against me and my family and hopefully, the slander would stop, or at least become a non-issue to me. My wife and family have enjoyed virtually uninterrupted peace since, although this was a difficult decision for me, I'm happy with it.
Jehovah's Witnesses have a religion that is fundamentally at war with the basic family structure, and unfortuneately we are the collateral damage.
Again, I think I may know how this weighs on you, and I feel for you.