First post venting

by Freethinking76 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • Freethinking76

    Hello ,I am a jw,been in the "truth " for about 6 years.i have to be very careful because I know the witnesses monitors sites and report to the elders ,I know cause that is what my blood sister does,she spends hours trying to find apostates in the closet.i know stuped.

    so this is my situation.i have known about jw almost all my life and heard that only them have the truth,lots of my family are in it.i was the one taking too long to baptize ,I knew it was expected from me.and I always had a need to make ppl like me .so I took the dip.i started to notice that there are lots of jws that belong to little groups.i wanted friendship so bad and at the time had a need o tell ppl about my horrible childhood traumas i guess I was not over it yet,and needed some to lisent since I had drove my spouse nuts already .what happend this ppl pretend to want to be close to me so they can know all my business and then tell everyone at the hall.then you realize uhhh,they never confided their personal stuff to like a game " you can tell me your stuff,but do not expect me to keep it to myself and do not think I will tell you my dirty laundry.a lot of mind games.

    so I was alone ,invisible ,I still can't believe I put up with so much ! I can't wright not even half of what I when through.i feel paranoic I came across a YouTube video by jwstruggle and blow my mind ,now I can't stop researching,my spouse is not a jw,and is very shock I decided that I want to fade,I guess it won't be so hard since the sis and brothers did not had a close relationship with me.i have kids and I suffer from pts ,anxiety attacks,panick attacks and severe depression.i moved to the next town of my hall,so I have change hall too.i have not been to my new hall,and wanted to know,will the elders in my old hall contact the elders in my new hall just to see if I am attending?.

    my spouse told me " I will tell them I am not letting you go" "and "I found out that your liars!"and my spouse is not going to take my kids to the hall". So that is my spouse spouse told me that I do not own no one a word ,a response .do you think is a good strategy ?

    i feel so confuse and lost.i have believe that jw have Gods favor,and now I feel that I can't unlearned what I know now,.a part of me wishes i never knew what I now know.and A part of me feel free,liberated from the stress I felt for so long for all the expectations from ppl,.i dread service is a nightmare,and they also have expectation from your children,there are sisters with children and if they see your kids are not " spiritual" they won't have your kids play with I was alone and my children too.

    now they are calling cause they want to know how things are going in the new hall,! Ohh the last meeting I went to ,a brother gave a talk and said and i quote"if you feel that no one wants to be a close friend or associate frequently with you ,perhaps you have worldly personality .i wanted to get up and leave,he also said and i quote " if you want to know what misery is ,,,ask one of the sis or brothers here with unbelieving husbands or wifes and you would think twice before not marring in The Lord .WHAT! I was shocked again.that was my last time.

    my question is should i go to my new hall a few times before disapering?thanks if you read the whole thing ,and I am sorry it was so long,but I had to vent

  • JakeM2012

    Free thinking,!!!!! your so excited!!!! I had a hard time reading your post with no paragraph spacing or capitals, but I made it through and I'm glad you had a place to vent:)!!!!!!!!!! Who knows you might be typing from a smartphone.

    WELCOME, to the forum, and I sincerely appreciate your experience. Take a Xanex, or Klonopine and try to chill, a margarita might not hurt either....

    It all gets better; this is not the end of the world; and if you continue to read you will see that there are many experiences like yours. Welcome again, and we know that is not your real sister that is looking for apostates,,,,,,you wouldn't have told us that, Oh LOL's.

  • Amelia Ashton
    Amelia Ashton


    Vent away. This is the place to do it and most here will understand and sympathise with your dilemma as they too share your experience.

    It is quite a shock to learn the the truth about the truth but we are here to support and help you any way we can.

    It is fantastic you have your spouse supporting you.

    I am a 4 year fader. I went to my new hall once after moving. I even knew some of the people there but no-one has been back to check on me or ask if I am OK.

    I would say don't go at all if you don't want to. Spend some time here researching. It will be much more enlightening than anything at the KH.

    Amelia xxx

  • Sammy Jenkis
    Sammy Jenkis

    Freethinking76 welcome and thank you for sharing your story. As far as what course to take I cannot recommend as only you truly understand the scope of the those you're now dealing with. In your shoes I would not even worry, if the info you've come across has convinced you that this is not God's people then sleep easy. Remember how they have treated you and your family despite preaching love and peace to their neighbors. It's the blind leading the blind and you will live better without the constant guilt trips and "loving" advice. Wishing you the best..

  • 2+2=5

    Hello and Welcome.

    Sorry to hear about your struggle in "the truth". In my opinion, begin your fade right away by stopping all WT related crap. No meetings or service.

    It's a hell of a ride and I can relate to that feeling you described about wishing you never knew the truth about the truth. You will never be happy as a JW so you should just move on as soon as possible, and continue with life and the pursuit of happiness.

    The creator of JWstruggle is on this site often ( Raypublisher) . He has helped many I am sure in waking up and getting out of this oppressive religious sect.

    One thing, if you can break your posts into paragraphs it is much easier on the eyes and much easier to read.

    Anyway, nice to have you here.

  • punkofnice

    Welcome FreeT.

    Don't worry about being rumbled. Just don't give names and places and no one will have any evidence against you.

    As for fading.......try here ------>

    leaving Jehovah's Witnesses

  • sherrie11

    I am surprised you got to marry a non JW.

    Perhaps "the writing was on the wall" when you married .lol Did you believe you could of slipped through the net by marrying a non witness.

    The JW's do not have any control over your life nor are they entitled to. They are a cult. Its not hard to rewire your brain back to independent thinking. Stick close to your wife and children. Just don't go to meetings... research, ask yourself and as they say fade!.

    BTW it can take up to only 3 weeks to rewire the brain.

  • rip van winkle
    rip van winkle

    Welcome Freethinking76!!!

    Thank you for sharing some of your story.

    We know how difficult it is when you find a lack of genuine love and true friendship in the congregation.

    What will wake you up from the belief that JW's have Gods favor is a book by a former Governing Body member, Raymond Franz: "Crisis of Conscience".

    Also, books by Steven Hassan : "Combatting Cult Mind Control" and/or "Freedom of Mind"

    Anyway, glad you found your way here.

  • Mum

    Welcome! We have a great influx of new people on the forum lately. It is good to have all of you here.

    You are going through a lot right now. If at all possible, I would recommend that you move to another state without telling any of the dubs. You can start a new life much more easily that way. I left in 1979, pre-internet, and I thanked God every day that the U.S. is such a big country, and I could go so far away.

    You might benefit from professional counseling as well. It sounds like you have unresolved issues from childhood, which is not unusual.

    Best wishes for a successful transition to a better life. Keep us posted.

  • jgnat

    Freethinking, your wife is a very smart woman. I think her advice is sound. You owe no-one an explanation. Pretend these false friends never existed and get on with your life.

    I think it would help both you and your wife to find a new social group to spend time with that is more rewarding.

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