One of the hardest things I must do while in...

by OneDayillBeFree 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • marmot

    My wonderful fiancée and I met shortly after I began my fade and it turned out she was also a fader. We met by pure coincidence on eharmony five years ago.

    Needle in a haystack, maybe, but they are out there.

  • Vidiot
    OneDayIllBeFree - "Also I absolutely hate the JW way of dating. It’s terrible. You could never get to know someone well by dating the way the GB wants you to."

    That's because the GB, on a fundamental level, doesn't really want you to date.

    Virtually all authoritarian high-control groups dislike interpersonal relationships (whether they claim to or not), because they don't directly contribute to the group's agenda; it interferes with the process of regime-building.

  • ABibleStudent

    Hi OneDayillBeFree, What is preventing you from working on your dating skills by flirting with women and becoming friends with them in group settings. If they want more, than start asking them more specific questions to determine whether you can be open and honest with them. The only difference between dating non-JWs and JWs is that non-JWs you do not need to worry about disagreeing with the WTBTS, but why talk about the WTBTS anyways because life is too short. Whether you date a JW or non-JW you will have to wonder what gossip will occur if JWs see you together without being in a group.

    What adverse consequences would occur if you established criteria of what you want from a relationship with a woman and you told a woman that you were really interested in a little at a time as you felt you could trust her more and more? For instance, JWs like to gossip so you tell a JW who you are interested in that you do not like how JWs gossip and that would be is a deal breaker for you if she liked to gossip. The WTBTS promotes that the internet is dangerous, so ask a JW who you are interested how does she use the internet (i.e., shopping, planning trips, banking, etc.) if she strictly follows WTBTS doctrine that may be a deal breaker for you. You just need to be a lot more creative than you currently are about dating. What would happen if instead of using "Jehovah's Organization" you said the Watchtower to a JW who you are interested in and thought that you could trust, and she agreed with you (keeper), she reacted indifferently to your comment (continue to be friends with), or started giving you the third degree (cut her loose).

    You could even start a thread asking for ideas about helping you to determine whether a JW has doubts or is "Spiritually Strong" (non-thinking), or rename this thread on ways to date while fading or being a JW with doubts.

    Also, when dating non-JWs, lose the WTBTS's cult speak. Let them know that you are fading from a dangerous cult and the issues that you must overcome and they would be exposed to.

    Best of wishes in fading.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,



    Let's start " Fading Dub" it would be awesome..

  • Hortensia
    asking if I’m single, what my spiritual goals are and how high in the ranks I am

    Ugh. Do you feel like a piece of meat in a grocery store? They're not looking for someone they like and can get along with, but someone who fits some damned JW idea of spiritual. Yuck.

  • Honeybadger

    I definitely know how you feel, except it's the other way around for me (I'm a girl). I have similar views when it comes to this.

  • OneDayillBeFree

    @Honeybadger: Oh wow! It's sad that others are going through this but it's nice to know that I'm not alone! It's bittersweet I guess.

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