Depressed Or British?

by Englishman 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • Englishman


    George Farthing, an expatriate British man living in America, was recently diagnosed as clinically depressed, tanked up on anti-depressants and scheduled for controversial Shock Therapy when doctors realised he wasn't depressed at all - only British.

    Not depressed, just British:

    Mr Farthing, a British man whose characteristic pessimism and gloomy perspective were interpreted as serious clinical depression, was led on a nightmare journey through the American psychiatric system. Doctors described Farthing as suffering with Pervasive Negative Anticipation - a belief that everything will turn out for the worst, whether it's trains arriving late, England's chances at winning any international sports event or even his own prospects to get ahead in life and achieve his dreams. "The satisfaction Mr Farthing seemed to get from his pessimism seemed particularly pathological," reported the doctors.


    "They put me on everything - Lithium, Prozac, St John's Wort," said Mr Farthing. "They even told me to sit in front of a big light for an hour a day or I'd become suicidal. I kept telling them this was all pointless and they said that it was exactly that sort of attitude that got me here in the first place."

    Running out of ideas, his doctors finally resorted to a course of "weapons grade MDMA", the only noticable effect of which was six hours of speedy repetitions of the phrases "mustn't grumble" and "not too bad, really". It was then that Mr Farthing was referred to a psychotherapist.

    Dr Isaac Horney explored Mr Farthing's family history and couldn't believe his ears. "His story of a childhood growing up in a gray little town where it rained every day, treeless streets of identical houses and passionately backing a football team who never won seemed to be typical depressive ideation or false memory. Mr Farthing had six months of therapy but seemed to mainly want to talk about the weather - how miserable and cold it was in winter and later how difficult and hot it was in summer. I felt he wasn't responding to therapy at all and so I recommended drastic action - namely ECT or shock treatment".

    "Hopeless cases"

    "I was all strapped down on the table and were about to put the rubber bit in my mouth when the psychiatric nurse picked up on my accent," said Mr Farthing. "I remember her saying 'Oh my God, I think we're making a terrible mistake'." Nurse Alice Sheen was a big fan of British comedy giving her an understanding of the British psyche. "Classic comedy characters like Tony Hancock, Albert Steptoe and Frank Spencer are all hopeless cases with no chance of ever doing well or escaping their circumstances," she explained to the baffled US medics. "That's funny in Britain and is not seen as pathological at all."

    Identifying Mr Farthing as British changed his diagnosis from 'clinical depression' to 'rather quaint and charming' and he was immediately discharged from hospital, with a selection of brightly coloured leaflets and an "I love New York" T-shirt.



  • Prisca

    ROTFLOL @ this one......

    I was in England a few years ago, and two things struck me about that country:

    1) the propensity of English housing to be plain, small, houses built side by side, with little or no front yards, drab and all looking exactly the same;

    2) the weather. If it wasn't raining it was about to. And the clouds hung lower and were greyer than they are normally. Maybe the clouds were depressed too.

    BTW, what nationality is Logical?

  • Abaddon

    Eman, that was delightful, thank you"!

  • Sirona

    I love being British, I love England and all of the British Isles.

    Yes, it rains a lot, which contributes to the country being very green and beautiful. Wales is astoundingly beautiful, and because the country is so small, Mount Snowden is only 1.5 hours drive West away from where I live (near Manchester, England). Just 1 hour drive away East, is York, a city surrounded by castle walls, with a magnificent cathedral. An hours drive North and I'm in the beautiful Lake District, home of the highest mountain in England.

    Being depressed is nothing to do with being British. The only case I can see is someone who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder, in which case they should buy a lamp.


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  • Sirona

    That last post was in response to Prisca. The whole story by Eman was really funny.

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  • LittleToe


    Logi is most definitely British - LOL.

    I think we are in no position to judge our condition - LOL.

    To anyone who will listen:
    Life's a b*tch and then you die!
    Weather's ok today, sorta.
    "Show me the way to go home..."

  • dmouse


    Does anyone remember Marvin the Paranoid Android from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy? Now he was the quintessential Englishman!

    'Life...don't talk to me about life.'

  • expatbrit

    LOLOL....I WANT some of that "weapons grade MDMA!"

    Still, mustn't grumble.


  • ozziepost

    You're in form E'man since your break! LOL


    "If our hopes for peace are placed in the hands of imperfect people, they are bound to evaporate."

    - Ron Hutchcraft Surviving the Storms of Stress

  • ozziepost


    Be gentle with 'em! It's not their fault they're depressed! Blame it on the weather!

    Much like the kiwis, really!!


    "If our hopes for peace are placed in the hands of imperfect people, they are bound to evaporate."

    - Ron Hutchcraft Surviving the Storms of Stress

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