ANYONE HERE USE ORACLE?

by Trotafox 14 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Trotafox

  THE ORACLE BLUES

  The database has holes in it,
  the server is too slow;
  and everywhere I need to be,
  I'm not authorized to go.

  I've chewed off all my fingernails;
  and pulled out all my hair
  I want to hit this piece of crap
  with my big ole office chair.

  Oh Woe is me...Slow is me
  I got the Oracle bl-u-u-u-es

  It's giving me exceptions
  in every single screen;
  If I can't get something entered soon,
  I think I'm gonna scream.

  If it wasn't for the errors,
  I'd get no info at all;
  I'm laughing cause I've lost it,
  cause this sure ain't no darn ball!

  Oh, Woe is me...Slow is me
  I've got the Oracle bl-u-u-u-ues.

  I tell myself ten times a day,
  I'll find another job;
  But now no one would hire me,
  Cause my brain is just a blob

  I'll be stuck inside this office,
  what I need is a padded cell;
  Cause two weeks off won't cut it,
  after the last three months of hell

  Oh, Woe is me....Slow is me
  I got the Oracle B-A-A-LOOOOOZ !!!

  Three cheers for Oracle. May its stock plummet to the bowels of the earth.

  Just thought I'd share this with other Oracle "lovers". [8>]

  Trot

  "Wicked men obey from fear; good men, from love".... Aristotle. You can love and obey Christ without intervention from an organization.
• 

  Naeblis

  DB2 forever!
• 

  COMF

  select u.Grief, u.Anger, u.Frustration, u.Insanity
  from User u join Oracle O
  on u.Productivity = O.Shit
• 

  spender

  it's also horribly insecure :-P the worst thing for a company to do is claim their software is "uncrackable", like oracle did. I think the total number of holes found in their software since that claim is over 10 now :)
• 

  Trotafox

  Oh, please, please, give me more. I'm going to make a zillion copies and post them around my cubicle until "I'm over it"! It was bad enough to spend millions of $$$ on this crap of a database, we now had to upgrade to Oracle 11i. Gr-r-r-r-r.

  Trot ....trying to

  "Wicked men obey from fear; good men, from love".... Aristotle. You can love and obey Christ without intervention from an organization.
• 

  COMF

  You're cute when you're mad.
• 

  Trotafox

  Gee, thanks, COMF. I'm known to have a "fit or two" (or three) around the office because of the stupidity of it all. Unbelievable company! It's hard to put up with 8 hours a day.

  Trot

  "Wicked men obey from fear; good men, from love".... Aristotle. You can love and obey Christ without intervention from an organization.
• 

  COMF

  I've never worked with Oracle, myself. My department's all Microsoft, so of course we use SQL Server. But the business has several departments that use Oracle. I've never heard anything bad about it, except that it's big and meant for handling scadzillions of simultaneous hits. What's the problem there where you are?

  Could it possibly be the software that's accessing Oracle, rather than the db proggie itself?
• 

  Trotafox

  Hi, COMF: You asked so-o-o-...As you know, I'm no techie. I'm a user putting up with an overworked I.S. Dept. and an Oracle system that isn't delivering what the Sales people said it could do with an HR database. My own personal gripe is getting the information out of Oracle once it goes in. I'm sick of hearing "Oracle won't do that!" and "We don't have the time to make up that report right now; we'll put it on the list". It seems instead of Oracle meeting our needs, we have to design our needs around what Oracle can do which was not what was told to the "powers that be" by those wonderful Sales people 4 years ago. I work in the Human Resources Dept. and we depend almost entirely on downloading human resource data reports. We have Noetix (sp?) but they are having problems getting it to work properly with Oracle (why am I not surprised!). Noetix enables you to customize the reports you need...if it works. I finally gave up and took an Access database class just as a back up to use by exporting Oracle data into Excel and using Access to sort the data around and "marry" two reports together to get what I need.

  It also cannot generate a selective telephone/address report and is not compatible with our SuperOffice software (a telephone/address database) so SuperOffice has been chucked. So we are still doing our Emergency Contact Directory by hand via Excel spreadsheet. Ridiculous!

  It doesn't run our marine payroll satisfactory and that's been going on for 4 years.

  It also isn't the easiest thing in the world to learn for those of you contemplating purchasing it for your Company. Think TRAINING, TRAINING, TRAINING.

  Other than that, everything's just DUCKY!

  Trot....trying to

  "Wicked men obey from fear; good men, from love".... Aristotle. You can love and obey Christ without intervention from an organization.
• 

  COMF

  Interesting. I can't know anything more than what you told me, but from your description, I'd say you have a massive case of cluelessness there in your IT department.

  "Oracle won't do that!"

  The fact is, (assuming it's essentially the same as SQL Server, which I'm sure it is) Oracle won't do anything. It's just a database; that's what it does, stores data. You have to write software to get that data out of it in the format you want. Do you guys even have an in-house IT department?

  Sounds like somebody did a baaaaaaaad job of looking at all the factors on this deal. Sorry to see you having such trouble.