I had to take a break from JWn here because after all the drama that unfolded over a certain new anti-Wt organization I had to back off because I had unbearable emotions and "flashbacks" to being a JW and being bullied. Even though I didn't experience any direct bullying, seeing it happen caused all the negative emotions to come back because I felt like I was back at the Kingdom Hall. So I just left for awhile.
I've been having to do a lot of soul searching lately and reevaluating my life. It's been hard the last few months for me emotionally, but I think I'm finally coming to accept where I am in my life right now.
I had a melt down about 2 weeks ago and wrote a letter to my grandma (I didn't send it), but I got out all the feelings I was having because I felt like I was being consumed by the fact my family is shunning me. I still feel that WBTS and the JW's have control over me and I hate it! So I've started to make a plan. I haven't been to a meeting or FS since last October and I'll be inactive 9 months on July 1st. July 23rd will be my 30th birthday and also my 1st birthday. Mentally I'm out of WT and I'm never going back, but a part of me still feels like they have control over me because I have to be careful to not reveal too much about myself or double check to make sure I'm not signing my real name...I hate it! I'm not this kind of person. I hate lying and decieving, I hate hidding! So I've given this a lot of serious thought and I'm going to do it! I'm going to make a video and put it on YouTube and tell the world who I am. Yes Wt can DF me, what more can they do to me, oh my family can start shunning me...oh wait they are already doing that! I talked it over with my parents because they could be outed too and I talked to my husband about it because if any of his family sees me they will know he is with me on this. I love my husband so much because he said "I've already df them, them, so do waht you have to." So I'm going to do it, now I'm just figuring out what to say hahahaha. I'm going to do this because this is facing my fears and taking back my life from WT fully. I have to be true to myself and the person I am becoming now! I refuse to let WT influence or control me anymore. I am taking back my life fully!
I just wanted to share this with someone.
Gojira