Regarding his preparation for later life, how do you feel about his going to college? Has your wife ever voiced a personal opinion about this? In some cases this issue can be bone of contention. In others, when husband and wife agree, it can be a foundation on which to build.
Today my son told me that he can't stand this religion
by hardtobeme 28 Replies latest jw friends
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Crazyguy
Has your son's mentioned to you what were his reasons for hating the cult? -
DesirousOfChange
FIRST, PLEASE TELL ME YOUR SON IS NOT YET BAPTIZED! NEVER LET THAT HAPPEN!
As for your wife, try and stimulate her thinking by asking viewpoint questions - "what do you think of......?" or "how do we balance this with what the scriptures say?"
Never challenge anything. Only question things, in a way that infers confusion and a desire to have it reaffirmed. On so many things, IF she really tries to reason on it in her own mind, she will see there IS NO REASONING. By all means, NEVER challenge the WTS/GB. But always question things based on THE BIBLE or what JESUS said.
If we try to control his every movement we'll just exhaust ourselves and build a huge amount of resentment in him such that when he turns 18 he'll run out the door into a world that he's completely unprepared for. [insert an example, if you know any JW kids that left their controlling parents at an early age]
The illustration of the spring is good and used by many traveling overseers. If you hold a spring too tightly, when it slips free it springs totally out of control, meaning you must hold children back too much or they will "fly" right out of the "Troof" when the change to be loose comes along.
I think it would be good to concentrate on any issue that you son has. If it's just that he doesn't want to go to Meetings or Field Circus, that isn't good enough. He probably didn't want to go to bed at 9:00 when he was a little kid.
If it's something like: I have these good friends at school. They are good and moral and honest. They don't know anything about Jehovah's Witnesses because their parents are [insert religion or atheist, etc]. Why do they deserve to be destroyed? That is UNJUST. I thought Jehovah's attributes included JUSTICE. More babies are born every day than JWs are converted into The Troof to be saved. Everyday that goes on requires Jehovah to KILLL MORE BABIES! How is that JUSTICE?
OR, "I heard they told JW youth not to go to college in 1969 (Awake 05/22/1969) because Armageddon was soooo close that they would never finish college. that was 40 yeas ago. I'm 14 and in High School and they are saying the same thing. Are they WRONG AGAIN? Does this make them FALSE PROPHETS?
This whole defense depends on if you son is astute enough to pull it off. If you can say the questions are HIS and you are unable to find satisfying answers, then there can be no fault laid upon you. You can just "ask for help" from your wife or the Elders. Let THEM answer the questions that have no answers.
OTOH -- If he's just tired of meetings and wants to drink and chase pussy, this won't work.
Doc
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JWdaughter
It is hard to be you! You have a lot of love for your family. Keep finding them good things outside of the org and promote happy things, good things and generous things. Your wife is not a happy person and the org. likely figures into some of her general malfunctioning. Has that ever been addressed directly or indirectly? -
hardtobeme
My son is not baptized yet. He has been just an unbaptized publisher for 5 years. Elders and other family members have questioned me why he is not baptized yet. I have told them that I'm not gonna push him, that is a personal decision that he has to make. I have explained to him what baptism is and specially the two questions that they ask before baptism. I have told him that question number two is a contract that he will be making with the Watchtower Society. I told him too that when I was baptized nobody told me I was signing that contract.
Regarding education, my wife and I agree that they need to go to college. I told her that I have wasted a lot of years cause Armageddon was just around the corner since 1992 when the old generation was supposed to pass in 1995. I wasted a lot of years pioneering for nothing. No college education, no career, not a least a certificate and broke living off from welfare. I told her that I don't want the same for our kids. And she agrees to it.
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LHS123
I liked what Billy said about having to give Your son a bit more freedom so that he doesn't blow. With my son, he was asking for about 2 years from 13 to spend time with school friends, we kept reasoning with him re. Bad associations etc, and my husband especially wouldn't let him go, ever. He didn't have many friends in the cong, although we did everything we could to help him find more and cultivate those he had. He spent a lot of weekends in his room. Then even the few friends he had in the cong. let him down, and excluded him, meanwhile the friends at school were begging him to spend time with them because they got on so well, but we still didn't let him go with them. In the end he blew, started sneaking out at night, having huge rows with his father and made the decision to stop meetings etc, hasn't attended one in a year. He drinks, smokes weed, is basically uncontrollable, doesn't speak to his dad at all, they've come to blows twice. Now he's calming down a little bit but he says (after counseling), 'I just don't want to be controlled ever again, anything that feels like control makes me push back, even if I know it's something good for me'. He has low self esteem and is screwed up, he still won't speak to his father. Feel free to use him as a cautionary tale with your wife, I strongly feel that if we'd relaxed our rules a little then he wouldn't have felt forced to rebel in such an extreme way. But we were just trying to do what the org. Told us to do. When he stopped going 99% of the brothers stopped contact immediately, no attempt to help him or guide him through a very rough emotional time. In the past i had turned my back on my actual family for this JW pseudo 'family' but when my boy had problems, even though he'd been exemplary for 15 years, they dropped him immediately, my real family are the ones who are there for him. This religion damages kids. Im living it, I dread to think how bad it would be if he'd been baptized. I am so glad for your son that you are there for him no matter what he believes and he can really talk to you about his beliefs, desires etc. and get your full support in life.
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smiddy
It sounds like "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". Everyone else is asleep and have been taken over by pods.
I love that quote
Congratulations hardtobeme for helping your son out , and hopefully you will have success with your wife and daughter in the foreseeable future.
Take care
smiddy
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Vidiot
@ hardtobome...
You've let him know he's not ALONE.
That's major; concluding the WTS is wrong and thinking you're the only one is a horrible feeling.
Encourage him to make lasting friendships with nonJWs.
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OnTheWayOut
Regarding education, my wife and I agree that they need to go to college. I told her that I have wasted a lot of years cause Armageddon was just around the corner since 1992 when the old generation was supposed to pass in 1995.
Wrong. That's just for you. Actually, Armageddon has been around the corner much much longer. But I get what you mean.
I want to give the hard answers here. If I had a young young son and daughter (I missed your daughter's age and current situation), I would probably DA myself to make sure they were raised free to share everything at school and be "normal." If I had a son and daughter not quite so young when I figured out that JW's are not "the truth," many factors would depend on them. I would want them to feel free to participate in normal activities, go to parties, go on dates as a teenager, play sports or be in the orchestra (or both), YADDA YADDA YADDA. I would ask them to do normal things and not brag to the JW's about it.
If my kids could keep it quiet that they know "it's not the truth," then for the sake of Mom or Grandma or whoever, I would try to ask them to do their homework at the Kingdom Hall and stop being "publishers" and just keep quiet until Dad figures out how to remove the family from the Kingdom Hall. (A matter of months to a year, not indefinitely.) Really, I would go that far. They should not be expected to carry a lie so far as to do the recruiting and giving talks at the hall. I know that would mean Dad would lose privileges. SO FRIGGIN' WHAT? It's their lives and happiness I am talking about. Besides, I would start missing meetings and skipping JW stuff and begin to disappear from the active JW scene. So privileges would be a burden anyway.
If my kids could just play the weak JW kids card okay, that's what I would do.
If they can't keep quiet, then I would still DA for their sake, same as with the young young kids. Either way, I would let my kids know that I unconditionally love them and want what's best for them.