Hi ! I am a lurker, and NEED YOUR HELP! / and IDEAS!

by Sittingstraight1212 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  flipper

  SITTINGSTRAIGHT- Welcome to the board ! Nice to have you here. You are among friends here- many of us are faded, inactive, or no longer practicing former JW's ourselves who have or are experiencing your same treatment. I haven't attended for almost 10 years and have 2 adult JW daughters who have shunned me that whole time essentially. And I'm inactive like you.

  So the advice a couple people have given you here like Oubilette and Lisa Rose I totally agree with and you need to be cautious as to what you say to your daughter. Especially if she has just been reinstated as she is even MORE fanatic now - wanting to " prove " herself allegedly to the WT organization. But yes- telling her you have been offended by elders or just that you have doubts, but tell her it's personal , it's caused you depression and that you are dealing with it may be sufficient. I wouldn't go into ANY details as your daughter may feel more allegiance to the elders or WT representatives than you- then she could make your situation harder than it already is . Just stay on non-JW topics with your daughter asking about her health, how her work, home life or kids are doing.

  If you get a chance my friend- what really helped me after exiting the Witnesses was reading Steve Hassan's books on mind control. The one titled " Releasing the Bonds - Empowering others to Think For Themselves " is really a good book which helped me to not only understand HOW the WT Society tried controlling my mind for 44 years from birth, but it has helpful ideas in how we can assist our JW relatives or any high controlled organization member for that matter to gradually see the way to think with reality on their own without the high control that organizations like JW's implement into people's minds in being TOLD what to think- thus not using critical thinking ability. I think reading that book or any of Steve Hassan's 3 books will really help you to see what you are dealing with here. It's a psychological manipulation from the WT Society actually that has a hold of your daughter- and there are ways to deal with it- carefully though. These books really helped me too in dealing with my JW relatives still in the organization.

  I wish you the best ! Hang in there, we are here for you as a friend and support system, O.K. ? Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  LisaRose

  Welcome, Iown Mylife, good point on turning the tables by asking your own questions. I think sometimes people have been in the JW cultural environment so long they forget that you do not have to answer to anyone and it is rude to ask intrusive questions like that. I think there is usually a level of guilt involved, especially when we first stop or slow down our theocratic activity, that makes us vulnerable to questions from elders and others. You don't really owe anyone an account of your reasons, it's not really their business.
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  Comatose

  Welcome! You could say you were hurt when you were in service, and someone told you the org joined the UN. Say that you asked a trusted friend and they confirmed it. Don't say it's on the web. She is young and will google it on her own.. :)
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  ABibleStudent

  Hi Sittingstraight1212, If your daughter asks you questions about why you stopped attending meetings, anything that you say will probably be held against you because your daughter may be looking for ways to ingratiate herself with her in-laws. If you say anything but "praise Jehovah, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH", you could be in a no-win situation.

  How did you treat your daughter when she was Df'ed? How did your daughter's in-laws treat your daughter? What did you and your daughter do when she was younger that made both of you laugh together and be happy? What simple questions can you ask to connect with your daughter's authentic persona instead of her cult persona? When you ask your daughter questions, be sure to wait for her to say something before you say anything or ask another question? Listen to what your daughter says as well as her body language. Is what she says consistant with her body language?

  How do you feel that your daughter would react to the following questions? "How do people/elders in your congregation treat you?", "How do they show you that they care about how you are doing and/feeling?", "Do you dream of being with people who will love you unconditionally for who you are, how you think, how you act as long as you do not hurt others, and not judge and gossip about you?", "How will JWs treat you after the Big A happens and life is suppose to be a spiritual paradise?", and "How long would you go to meetings to wait on Jehovah to make changes that you feel are desparately needed?"

  Best of wishes when your daughter visits. If it will not be for awhile, I would strongly suggest reading about communicating with family members who are in dangerous cults before her visit or talk with a cult-exit councelor before her visit if you can afford one. Have you read Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping People Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs"), visited his website www.freedomofmind.com, and/or watched his videos? If you haven't, I would at least watch his video "Steve Hassan explains SIA method to rescue loved ones from unhealthy situations (2003)" as soon as possible before she visits.

  If your daughter's visit does not go the way that you would like, make sure that your daughter understands that you love her and that it is her choice to shun you or not. Life is too short and unpredictable to have regrets about shunning a loved one.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
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  DesirousOfChange

  You could say that the behavior of the elders has stumbled you and you have a hard time being around such unloving shepards.

  Follow that up with the fact that you know CJ is leading the Congregations and he & Jehovah will take care of it in the appropriate time, and until that time..... you are "waiting on Jehovah". You are not giving up on The Truth (TM) nor are you giving up on Jehovah. You're just patiently waiting.

  Doc
• 

  yousostupid

  u can say this .............i have learnt my lesson and have decided that elders are imperfect just like me ............see i have not been a perfect dad but u always come back because u know i AM dad so in the same way i dont worship elders i worship J and since he IS God i am willing to come back yes darling i love u too and yeah dont forget to tell her that u learnt the lesson by reading the bible about how people made fun of Moses and didnt wanna follow him because he was "imperfect" - Please God can only use imperfect humans and if that bugs u then rather stay away ....go see if u can find "the truth" somewhere else........and by the way if ur daughter has made the truth her own ............then u have no chance.
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  Sittingstraight1212

  I just want to THANK everyone with thier thoughts! I can't get on my home computer, so had to wait till I got to work...I hope that one day I can comment using Iphone. Nobody knows what I'm doing when I'm sitting on the couch!!!LOL!! When my daughter was reinstated, she knew from her siblings that I dont go to meetings. Before she was DF'ed she knew how distraught I was over the Lords of the Cong. She said" Mom, get stronger while I'm out"... Ummmm..... Thats a BIG NO! ( I didn't tell her that) One I became a witness thinking this was right...scared, alone Preg,,,and no family around...I STAYED for family sake....I WASTED over 20 yrs. and I'm not living for anyone but me...If I'm not happy....well, it'll be heck for everyone. I always HATED service! I remember one time after partying all night...got home 4am...and went out in service at 9am....still intoxicated...haha! I liked my friends...and we did do girl nites out ALOT...Elders wives....BAD!!!

  anyway when she came over, after being in the good graces of the elders, she asked what was going on...I didn't say too much...but it was enough for her to limit association, and to tell me she only wants too be around positve people (brainwashed people). she meets with dad on a reg. basis...and her siblings. So all I want to get straight is where we stand without blowing punches. Right now while at work on youtube, I am listening to "The Christian Quest" its like 23 chapters...amazing info and noting things. AND I did get the new book of Steve Hassan "FREEDOM OF MIND" and reading it late at nite and underlining and I will make notes Just in case.... But not to cause WW3. I will take points from all of you!!!AHHHH I just love the fact that I am FREE!!! sorta!! LOL!

  Much Love and peace!!

  SS
• 

  whathappened

  You have gotten good advice already. Just wanted to say hi and welcome you.
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  Quandry

  Just wanted to welcome you. I've been on vacation and see new ones are here!! What happened with your daughter?
• 

  villagegirl

  I hope you saw your daughter. No double talk just be kind

  tell her you love her. You are her mother. That is what counts.

  No religion can override the basic command " Do not turn your back

  on a relative" and " Honor your mother" Try to rise above it all.

  Hope you are living in peace. You cannot control anyone except yourself.