Hi ! I am a lurker, and NEED YOUR HELP! / and IDEAS!

Sittingstraight1212

I stopped going to meetings over a year ago! YAY...Me!! It was the body of Elders that led me to my disgust with the ORG. The help with youtube and this site has OMG,,, opened my eyes. I came in due to getting married to a Born in. over 2 decades of marriage and 3 children, now all in there 20's. and 4 grand kids. @ are in and the youngest is not (never got baptized) The Elders never say anything to him when he would go to memorial (unloving holier than thou jerks ). Oldest one got D'fed, now back...middle one is on my side in some thoughts and on his dads side in other areas. ( Dad is still VERY active). Thankfully there was a recent post about holding in our anger and rage,, due to losing the family relationship/ or divorce.. A little late in my reading it but I think I got things back on track so I can continue my fade with out being DF'ed. ( biting tongue, I now have half a tongue! :)) I want to let everyone know what liars this org is... kinda like the feeling when you learned the "truth" you talked to all your "worldy" friends and family....well thats me reverting!.

The Daughter who was DF'ed has totally shunned me after getting back, due to her husbands side of the family... telling her to watch her association. She got DF'ed for smoking pot....due to sleep issues. (smoking BAD) now she eats pot cookies...LOL just kidding!!! (i eat them) :~p

She will text once in awhile. I told my spouse , this is wrong...I have not done anything to be shunned. I just dont go to meetings, or out in service, or kiss Elders A$$!! But she texted me last week and wants to "VISIT" with me. My dilema is,.... what do I say to her when she wants to know why I dont want to go to meeting or do anything with the "truth" Other than , her knowing how I feel about the Elders... what points, without me looking like an apostate can i bring out to her???

Your help is SO MUCH appreciated!!

Oubliette

Sittingstraight1212: what do I say to her when she wants to know why I dont want to go to meeting or do anything with the "truth"

Welcome!

I recommend avoiding the issue. Tell her you love her, you've missed her and want to know how SHE is doing. Be evasive, "We can talk about that later. First I want to know how YOU are!"

LisaRose

You could say that the behavior of the elders has stumbled you and you have a hard time being around such unloving shepards. Keep it simple and short, and say it's too painful to discuss. In what other religion would a parent have to defend their actions to their child? How is that showing honor to a parent?

clarity

SS.......so glad to have you here....feel free to vent!

You have a great sense of humour anyway lol, but you may

lose the rest of your tongue before you are done.

It is soooo hard to stop trying to tell them stuff, if your daughter

insists on bringing up the subject of mtgs etc ...

have a couple of questions to ask her. Listen intently &

ask more questions. Let the onus be on her to show you.

Don't let her just go off on a different subject ....stick to

the point.

All the best ....keep posting.

clarity

jgnat

What's worked well for me in the past is to give a firm stare and ask, "Do you really want to know?" The cultist will quickly withdraw because deep down, they know there is something wrong. If she is open and sincere, she has given permission and can't later pretend she didn't ask for it.

You might also say, "I have personal issues with what some elders have done, but I don't want to stumble you." You've given her food for thought. No details. Let her fill in the blanks. Who knows? It might bring up issues of her own.

If she gets preachy, ask, "Are you saying that for your benefit or for mine?"

Open-ended questions, put it back on her, make her go hmmmmm.

Crazyguy

I would explain to her that shunning the way the WT says is wrong and point out that Jesus never said to do this he said to love your enemy. I would also mention to her that when a JW is disfellowshipped or announced as no longer a JW that every one starts shunning that person even though they have no idea what that person did or if that person just quit. Anyway how can this be right since the bible is very specific about whom should be shunned (really no one except apostates) You could even show her 2 thess. 3:14-15 were it speaks of 'admonishing him as a brother' How can one do this if your shunning that person.

If that doesnt work, then go for the throat and show her Luke 21:8 in a King James Bible

lost

Hi and welcome.

it's awful isn't it, the pain and suffering they dish out to people.

Hope things get better for you soon.

Chin up, smile, think positive.

Iown Mylife

HI, Sittingstraight1212,

This is my first comment! After reading your post I wanted to say, OH MAN i know exactly how you're feeling! and also i'm really glad to have this website and others, as well as the great friends who have done videos on youtube. It has all helped me immensely!

When your kids start asking you questions Why this, Why that, try asking THEM questions right back. The one who asks the questions is the one in control! We all have this automatic reflex when someone asks us questions, like we're in kindergarten and the teacher wants to know what we did with our crayons.

Questions like, What's your opinion as to why I haven't been attending? Did you have any thoughts as to what might have caused this change in me? Can you think of any reason why a person's feelings would change towards the organization? and so on. Always use the follow-up question: "And how do you FEEL about that?"

Listen very carefully as they answer. Then say, Well, you know your old mom pretty well! You've said some insightful things here today! And sometime when I feel the time is right, I will explain myself to you but it's not going to happen today. But I really appreciate getting to VISIT with you and I love you so much...

Ding

I don't have anything to add to what has already been said.

Just want to say:

Welcome, Newbies!

sarahsmile

Listen to your daughter. You know her and her personal needs to share. She might just want to connect with you.

Some times the best way to handle a topic is to ignore it and let her answer it for you.

Hi ! I am a lurker, and NEED YOUR HELP! / and IDEAS!

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