How to get someone out?

by Hyghlandyr 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • Hyghlandyr

    I am seeking information on stories of those who have assisted relatives or friends out of the organization. Particularly I would like books, or websites, or personal experiences, suggestions on step by step methods, to carefully present ideas to those who are staunchly pro JW, without alienating them further. I am especially interested in situations in which a DF person was able to finally break down the barriers. Any advice welcome. Please email me if you like. [email protected]

    Many thanks in advance.

  • dungbeetle
  • Hyghlandyr

    freeminds, yes I know, and watchingthetower, and beyondjw etc.

    I am thinking and looking for specific sections on those rather large websites that detail any step by step actions to be taken. thanks though dude I appreciate the suggestion:)

  • dungbeetle

    Are you saying you want actual pagenumbers or something?

    geez; what is with the rash of "give me hot and cold running secretaries' going on around this board lately....

  • dungbeetle




    Witnessing to friends and family members who are Jehovah's Witnesses is a difficult task. The Witnesses are trained to both overcome arguments disproving their faith, as well as to ignore any doctrinal difficulties with which they may be confronted. Our resources will help you in your evangelistic encounters.


    Educate Yourself on the Watchtower Society
    This page contains links to web sites and pages having to do with Jehovah's Witnesses and recovery from the Watchtower. Devoted to providing resources to those investigating the JWs as a possible way of life or those who have loved ones trapped inside the Watchtower and desperate to get them out.


    Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan

    In this eye-opening account, Steven Hassan, a former cult member and leading expert on destructive cults, shows how unsuspecting individuals are targeted for recruitment, isolated from family and friends, and psychologically manipulated. He identifies those groups which use behavior modification techniques to gain money, influence, and power, and shows how you can protect yourself and your family from their insidious influence.

    "Beyond its value as an illuminating personal account, this book is an informative and practical guide to cult-related issues...recommended to lay persons who wish to become better informed on this topic and to professionals whose responsibilities bring them into contact with cults, their members, and families whose lives are affected."

    Cults in Our Midst by Margaret Thaler Singer
    If you want a comprehensive education in how cults operate and the tactics they use then you must obtain this entertaining and most informative and important work by an eminent psychologist who has worked first hand with those involved in cults of all persuasions! As one reader commenting on stated, "Learn the difference between a convincing argrument and being brainwashed. The mind you save may be your own. This should be required reading in every school and in every parent's group in the country." NOTE: This book does not mention Jehovah's Witnesses or the Watchtower Society at all. However, any JW or ex-JW reading it will be convinced that this book was written with JWs in mind. Although it wasn't, this uneasy feeling proves how The Watchtower Society is no different than any other mind-control cult. They all come from the same cookie-cutter.

  • JT


    We understand what you are looking for, but I hate to tell you that you will not find any MAGICAL PILL to get your family out,

    What you will find are suggestions that many have found, approaches that many have found and even after all that some of us still have family in,

    the most important thing in my view is not getting your family out so much as for you as a person to fully understand what they are in.

    that being the case you will be better equiped to deal with what they don't do.

    many persons think that if i get a long list of all the wt errors , quotes from the wt proving it, then they will listen

    in fact the biggest issue that former jw face is the DISSAPPOINTMENT in seeing love ones just not GET IT.

    SO HER ARE A COUPLE OF LINKS THAT YOU MAY want to consider as well


  • Sirona

    I have made some progress with family members. My sister is fully out now.

    With the really staunch JWs, I think you need to attack the "elite group" mindset first. Help them, by subtle means, to see that the world outside the JWs isn't so EVIL. They basically think that the world, this life and all in it are going to be destroyed. I found it good to 1. Live my life well (so that they had no moral issues with me and they realised that you can live a moral life outside the org) 2. Mention to them casually about good things "worldly" people do, and / or charities who are really doing good work etc.
    This just helps them see that not everyone out there is deserving of destruction.

    You also need to help them stop thinking that their religion is the only right one. Other religions use Jehovah as Gods name, etc. This point is a toughie, but if you manage to get them to be a little tolerant and not so black and white, this goes a long way.

    Then you can talk specifics...ONLY when the time is right. If you badger them, they will put all their defenses up. Wait for them to preach to you then make comments.

    Try not to get annoyed with them (they will just say that is your bad attitude and think they're right).

    I've had best success on Blood issue (the hypocrisy of allowing components) and on "only JWs will be saved" since you can argue that there are others putting faith in Christ in their hearts. If others can be saved, why an organisation?

    Anyway I hope that helps a little.

    ** **

  • Pathofthorns
    the most important thing in my view is not getting your family out so much as for you as a person to fully understand what they are in.

    I thought this was a brilliant statement and put in a way that makes alot of sense.

    As was said, there is no "magic pill" and I would personally not get your hopes terribly high to avoid disappointment. If they do leave, generally it takes months and even years.

    Young people and those who are less dependant on the WT socially and financially tend to be quicker to leave. At the same time, the older ones have a better grasp of past and present WT teachings and can understand better the implications of the changes made to these. Young ones just need a reason and they will be out.

    I find getting people comfortable being around you, even though you disagree with some things and don't attend meetings or go in field service is a good first step. Once they are comfortable and feel you are not a threat you can discuss things more easily.

    If things are going well for you and you are feeling good (or even better) after ceasing involvement, this helps alliviate concerns that life outside is horrible. It also goes directly against their perceptions of what they have been taught happens to people when they leave.

    It is easier to help them if you still believe in God and still use terms they are familiar with (like Jehovah etc.) Generally it is not a good time to raise doubts about the Bible or God as this sends them running back to mother and sets off the 'aposto detector'.

    Once you have laid the groundwork, they will ask YOU questions. Don't try to 'witness' them out of their religion, but just live your life and be happy and they will just be so perplexed they will want to try to figure you out.

    Most Witnesses don't care for the "routine" and find it stressful. Let them know that while they were at the meeting, you were kicking back with a beer watching the game. Ask them how it was and what they learned. Let them know how the game went

    Always keep it low-key and subtle. Keep your expectations low and never be pushy, or only push at key times. Make them arrive at their own conclusions. When and if the time is right, hopefully it works out.


  • TheStar


    I'm in the same boat! Desperately looking for help, maybe we can swap ideas when something works?


    I've read and re-read those pages and they are not helping all that much. I think maybe that is why Hyghlandyr was asking for more info. and yes maybe even exact page numbers. Not because we are lazy but because we are looking for something specific to our situation and haven't found it in any literature yet. I do realize I will not find anything exact for my situation but I am looking for something more and maybe Hyghlandyr is too.

    You are obviously an old timer at this and I can see how all us newbies could make life frustrating for you but you were where we are now once too. Please be patient with us.

    JT, Sirona, Pathofthorns,

    Thanks for all the great advice, we need it badly, at least I do. Thank a million, it helps!


  • butalbee

    Well, I do have some great advice how to get somebody out, but do to it's explicit nature and graphic content, I will be unable to specify...

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