This is so difficult

dissonance_resolved

So I woke up a few months ago and had no idea what to expect. At first I was outraged that I had been lied to all these years and so sad that I lost so many years of my life to a cult. In the past couple of weeks though, I've actually been having second thoughts. If I go through with my plan to fade, the pain that my family will experience will be very real- yes, they are delusional, but they will honestly believe that I've forfeited everlasting life and turned my back on them and everything we stand for. I love them so much and can't imagine my life without them. I don't know what to do. This dilemma of course is about my parents and siblings.

The situation with my husband turned a corner this week. He is now fully aware of the extent of my disagreements with the WTBTS. He was very quiet and supportive and loving, but I know I also just blew his world apart. On top of that, he's very sick, so it hasn't been a happy time n our household. I feel more lost and confused than ever.

StAnn

Poor D-R. I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I'm DF'd and haven't spoken to my mom or siblings in years. All I can tell you is that, after gut-wrenching pain in the beginning, you get used to it and eventually don't miss them anymore. I really couldn't care less that I don't see my family. I've made my own post-JW life and am quite content, but it took a long time to get there. I remember those early days and they are painful, to say the least. Just know that it is worth it in the end.

JW love is conditional love. I don't want people in my life who only "love" me if they can control me. Good luck, dearie.

Satanus

Since your husband knows, isn't it just a matter of time before your parents also know?

S

spirituk

unless your husband change to your thoughts i think it would be better for now to stay put and dont try to tell them anything about your new beliefs .dont forget that they are brainwashed to choose god instead of you..its the bitter truth..i hope everything goes well for you my dear

dissonance_resolved

StAnn- I can't imagine not missing my family, but I do realize their love is conditional. This is through no fault of their own, though, only the conditioning they've unknowingly received. I've already resigned myself that they'll never get out- they're too far in. That's why it's so emotionally wrenching that I would be the one to inflict any change in our relationship.

dissonance_resolved

Satanus- not necessarily, I don't think my husband will go running to my family. It's an in-law thing. He may go to the elders, but he's very sick so it may nt be anytime soon. I'm hoping that breaking this news to him while he's confined to bed might give him the impetus to do some research online that he might not otherwise have done. Oh, I'm so evil.

Hortensia

I'm sorry your husband is so ill. I hope he feels better soon. As for your dilemma, just one step at a time. For the present, you can skip meetings because your husband needs you. Maybe the cong. will forget all about you! As for your family, I don't know what to say. In my case, eventually my entire family got out, but I got out first and it took a while for the rest of them to get tired of that religion.

smiddy

JW love is conditional love. I don't want people in my life who only "love" me if they can control me. Good luck, dearie.

I think this,from StAnn sums it up pretty well....,do you want to live the rest of your life living a lie ? to please your family who would cut you off in an instant if they knew your true feelings ? Emotional blackmail is used very effectively by JW`s why allow yourself to be a willing victim .

You need to take back control of your own life and if your family decides to shun you because of your decision then that is their choice not yours they must take responsibility for that ,they are the guilty party not you

If you give in to emotional blackmail you will be a victim for the rest of your life .

soft+gentle

hi dissonance resolved

relax and breathe when things become difficult and remember you are not responsible for the bad calamities that happen in your household. there are many outside influences that can squeeze the life out of an individual that sometimes other than offering resistance to them, you can do nothing about. I guess what I am saying is learn to accept what you cannot change and try to change what you can. Meanwhile take time to enjoy what nature has to offer.

other things that make life easier are

exercise

massages

shopping

coffee shops

lost

hi DR - is there any rush ??

If there is no rush, then just take your time, day by day.

as Jesus says ......... don't be anxious (lo)

You have a lot on your mind, and with your hubby being ill, I guess your a bit stressed. Better to try and relax and not get to freaked out with it all.

This is so difficult

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