Does being a "born in" blur parental vs JW issues?

by obfuscatetheobvious 35 Replies latest jw experiences

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  obfuscatetheobvious

  Hi All,

  Thank you to the many people who have posted their experiences and advice on this site! I have browsed a few topics but the threads that I seem to gravitate to the most deal with family. There is certainly a lot that I can relate to in many of the anecdotes I have read. While reading a thread yesterday it dawned on me that maybe the issues between me and my parents or specifically my father, are more of a father/son issue rather than a "because they are witnesses and I'm (essentially) not."

  I think that zeroing in on the actual father/son issues and addressing them in isolation to JW related issues could be a more constructive approach that may allow for a less emotional conversation on any JW topics in the future. Happy to hear any thoughts!
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  Pickler

  Hey obfuscate,

  You are right, it's not always the religion that's the problem!

  My husband & son clash every now & again, and it's so tiresome because you can just see the tensions building. Basically it's the stereotypical dominant male clashing with the up and coming dominant male!!!!

  I can only imagine this would be worse if the father actually tried to say that he had the might of God and a whole religion on his side!!!

  i can occasionally warn my husband to back down, but, more often, I just get the hell out of the way!!!
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  Ucantnome

  From my experience I have come to think that as Pickler says it made it worse and has turned what things should be done out of love being done out of duty. However as it's not possible to live life again we will never know if things would be different. As a christian I believe that one is supposed to love another deeply and if things are done only out of duty and not love then can one be truly christian?
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  Phizzy

  WELCOME Obfus ! (great name by the way, that is exactly the Modus Operandi of the WT ! the obvious being that they are clueless chumps.)

  I think you are making a good point, if you read Cofty's posts about his letter to his parents, and then their response, you will see this has worked for him, praise be !

  To keep things at a calm and loving family level is ideal, I know that when I was in the first flush of finding out TTATT I presented something to an older JW relative about their religion, and I actually saw her flinch, it was like I had slapped her in the face, I think, not so much for the facts I had laid before her, but because she felt my doing so showed a lack of love.

  We do need to be careful how we handle JW family, we need to avoid heated argument, but we should not pussy-foot around too much, or we are supporting them in their deluded beliefs.

  A dfficult balance to achieve !

  Fancy posting your story sometime ?
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  Ucantnome

  I suppose I could sum up my post in answer to your question does it blur the issues by saying I haven't the foggiest, but it's something i have thought about.
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  gingerbread

  As a son and a father to a son, I understand where you are coming from. The rise of conflict between parent and child of the same sex has been part of human experience from "the beginning." The rising friction between a father and the growing son is a typical pattern in most mammals. There are hundreds of studies by anthropologists and psychologists that examine this phenomenon in great depth. Most agree that it serves a biological need to drive male offspring (who carry the same genetic "stuff") away from the "herd" or family unit to avoid excessive interbreeding. It's a matter of long term survival for a local subset of a particular species.

  In humans, a father's "repulsion" of a son forces the child to develop independance. Unless your family has some major disfunctional issues, this "repulsion" is a natural process. Once the son physically leaves the family unit and is fully independent, the relationship between father and son transforms into something new - as grown up men, allies & confidantes that is based on mutual respect.
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  mrsjones5

  I think jwism could be a hamper on developing good parenting skills for some. Not all jw parents are bad but being in the bOrg certainly doesn't help the ones who are.
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  Adiva

  Parents are authority figures and the jw stuff makes them even more so, especially in their own eyes.

  I have issues with my mother although on reflection I wonder if it's more a mother/daughter thing. I need her to see me as a fully functioning, successful adult and I feel as though she sees me as less than that because of I walked away from the 'truth'. We bristle, and sometimes clash because (I think) she feels I should simply obey her absolutely just because she's my mother.

  It's complicated.

  Adiva
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  zed is dead

  I think it is a blend of bad parenting and the religion. They are taught no boundaries, so therefore the WTS and local elders meddle in what should be a personal relationship between the parent/child.

  zed
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  mrsjones5

  We bristle, and sometimes clash because (I think) she feels I should simply obey her absolutely just because she's my mother.

  You must know my mother. We clash over the same. She doesn't win anymore. She hates that.