by paradisebeauty 20 Replies latest jw friends
I understand the emotional torment of being isolated, it's a good idea to find friends and associates outside the WT before you leave. I did not do this and it was a real challenge for me. But I feel less isolated now things have come together for me.
Kate xx
I just go maybe once a month, chuck a few mags about that no one will read. I used to be good at RVs and starting studies. Now I have pointedly not recorded one placement or "interest" in years on an S8. No one has questioned my child like report of 1 or 2 hours, some mags and nothing else. Not one RV in years.
My conscience is clear I have not set anyone on the path to slavery.
But almost all my acquaintances are jw's.
I did all my holidays/travels in the last 5 years with jw's.
I think I barely know 2 people from outside in the town where I live.
You have defined your problem......#1. it's about having people to associate with. #2,You only know 2 worldly people in the town where you live.
When my wife and I left left the town where we pioneered (where the need was great) we said good by to our witness friends but not a single non witness outside of a bible study or two. Our intent was to fade. But we were troubled by the lack of normal relationships not depended on being JW's.
Flash forward some 40 years and we have at minimum a hundred friends if you count being on a first name basis, attending social gatherings, doing lunch, dinner, invites etc. Two are even JW's the type that enjoy a party, laughter, swapping stories (not religion).
So what changed? My wife and I volunteer in our community. I sat on a preservation board where everyone had a PhD or Masters degree while I had a HS diploma and 3&1/2 years pioneering. But I earned my place and their respect because if I committed to a project or some research I always came through. My wife volunteered at the community pool and gives an aerobics class twice a week. She doesn't swim by the way nor do any of the ladies in her class they stand and work out with water weights and other gear.......and talk and laugh. I think that part of the work out is as important as the exercise.
Twice a year she has her 'pool ladies' over for a ladies luncheon. Once a year we host a 'Board' party that includes husbands and wives, a neighbor or two and perspective board members.
So what's the secret? Pretty much what you do as a JW. You meet regularly with people who are interested in what your interested in. Or in what you might become interested in. The interest centers around a common good but something you've always wanted to know more about or which helps strangers, or benefits an organization that is set up to help people in your community. We have the library volunteers, animal rescue, women's shelter, every school and charity, every group that provides a service, has a need for volunteers.
You make friends exactly as you did in the KH by meeting regularly, having a common interest, being attentive and kind, through laughter and mutual interests and always recognizing one another's essential humanity.
Eventually your KH time requirements are nothing compared to the good work you can do in your community.
It sounds like your just two friends away from leaving the JW construct and living in a real community.
Hi Paradise, our fade is going absolutely brilliantly!
This is how it began & progressed:
My conscience wouldn't allow me to offer literature, so I just used the Bible - regardless of who I worked with. It's amazing how many people clam up when they see a Bible.
From then on it was simple to just stop going out on the usual arrangements and reduce my hours.
A bonus was moving home & KH. Immediately ceased ALL service!
But you could play the depressed/private problem card and just stop after decreasing your time - and deflect any enquiries by saying "thanks for asking, but I have private issues which I can't discuss. If things change, I'll let you know."
Give no one an answer - just a prepared response!
"I also have plans to check other christian denominations" - give yourself time before you swap one controlling money-making corporation for another.
I turned in fake time for some time before I got comfortable and actually preferable to be known as inactive. I would just write down 2 measly spiritually weak hours a month then one day I was like f%$# it...
even though I was fully awake, it was really deeply disturbing to me, I knew it was crap but facing not turing in my time for the first time in 30 years or so was daunting. And people say it's not a cult.
GTFO!
Live your life in the best way you know how.
pbrow
I'm with giordano. Volunteer! Join clubs! For me, a new church brought the most friends tho, and it's not controlling, there is so much open mindedness and freedom of thought and expression it was actually shocking to me. But like you said, research doctrine and see where you stand before choosing one. I think you will be ok. Take a couple more months and either turn in fake time (I never could do that, but do what you can do. It's all meaningless anyway) or do return visits with other people or go on someone's study. Spend spare time researching doctrine and looking into organizations/clubs/classes you are interested in and you will meet friends there! But don't rush it. PM me if you want to talk.
I stopped service and counting time and when I was asked by a relative elder I just said I can't in good conscience encourage someone to believe something I couldn't explain and needed to figure it out. I mentioned that it just seemed so obvious that the other sheep Jesus spoke about were gentile believers and what do you think. Then I moved. No one cared about me to find me to report it and I let it be. Over 5 years ago...
You could just not turn it in and when CO comes around and they need to update the file and call you could say that you forgot to write it down and can't in good conscience report inaccurately that far back...Oops sorry, you were distracted by a few personal issues. Wait til they call, and you don't have to pick up the phone. (Just saying). What if they forget to call? You don't have to worry and the longer you don't the obviously harder to honestly compile a back report and you can stand on the principle of honesty. Of course you've probably informal witnessed here and there even if fading so you can come up with a few hours over that span and let them figure it out for their report to the CO
Just reporting 1 hour a month messes up the congregation statistics and lowers the congregation average, even if you do more.
I stopped suddenly reporting, and was badgered by the elders for a whole month for my report. Then I explained that I did go in service (which I did), but was not reporting because I considered it to be a man-made rule and not biblical. They left me alone, now I am a fader, attend neither meetings nor go in the ministry.
Thank you so much everyone for the advice, it is deeply appreciated!
There are so many things I am seeing now, and sometimes I feel like telling them the real truth ... but I know it is better to keep it silent for now.
I'll try to do my best to fade quietly for now... Your support and advice is of so much help.
