We've missed some meetings due to work and thinking it's bs and also one night my husband got drunk n fessed up n had a shepherding call n now the E is coming to see 'how we're doing'. Help me please I dunno what to do.
an elder will be at my house in one hour HELP!
by Julia Orwell 43 Replies latest jw friends
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Dismissing servant
At this time......OK , here in europe it is midninght, but perheaps early evening in America. But, anyhow..he has no right to force himself in to your house...did you agree to see him.
In worst case...give him some drinks and make him drunk......no, don't do that.
Anyhow....give away as little information as possible.......say that you have problem, suffer from stress/depression, but never let hiom raise questions about your faith och what you think about the borg. Take care.
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Gojira_101
Good luck and I would just suggest, you deny, deny, deny. You don't owe them any explainations.....they have no power over you, if you don't allow them to take it.
One thing elders HATE!!!! Answer their questions, with a questions. Irritates the heck out of them.
When I had an elder call me and ask if they could give us a shepherding call. I told him "nope, we don't need one. We're doing fine, in fact we are doing great! so take the time you would have used visiting us and spend it with your family."
Don't volunteer ANYTHING!!!! If they ask you something you don't feel comfortable telling them, don't tell them. They don't need to know everything.
Good luck and let me know how it goes.
G
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LostGeneration
Leave for a while?
I dunno, I guess maybe I have been out too long to understand the panic that these kind of situations allude to.
Repeat this three times - "Its my DAMN life, I do what I want to do." Then act accordingly.
You don't owe anyone an "explanation" a "reason" or anything else.
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flipper
JULIA- Indeed, I agree with what Gojira says. you don't OWE the elders ANY explanation of what's going on in your personal life. Your husbands getting dunk was a personal situation and just tell the elders everything is fine, you've handled it. As Gojira said just say you are doing well, thanks for the interest then end the conversation. Good luck to you
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earthfire
Remember, he is just a man. He only has power over you if you let him and being an elder he'll be quick to assume that power. Don't give it to him. Say a prayer to the God of your understanding, the Universe, Source, whatever. Ask for strength, courage and calmness. Also ask for the right words to say. This sounds silly but I swear it helps. It will be okay and it is your house. You can ask him to leave whenevery YOU want to. Don't let him over stay his welcome. Much love to you.
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00DAD
First, remain calm: breathe in, breathe out.
Did you agree to a meeting? If not, then go out to dinner, shopping, anything, just not be there.
If you did agree, ditching is probably not the best thing to do.
If you have to meet with them, you and your hubby need to have your stories straight and put on your game face.
Hubby has NOT had any more drinking issues. "We're much better now! It's so nice of you to come by, too bad you have to go. Would you please pray for us before you leave?"
If you think you need to talk more, then perhaps you could hint at some personal issue/problems (but it is NOT between you and your hubby) that you'd "rather not discuss, because it's too personal." ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO GIVE DETAILS. Remember, just "hint." No details.
Be vague, but not evasive. Be non-committal, but don't be to obvious about it.
You've been depressed and confused ... confused by some of the Nu-Lite: Overlapping Generation, The GB is now the FDS, etc.
"Can you please help explain it to us Elder Busybody?"
Let them explain. Nod hopefully while still looking confused, "Thank you for explaining that Elder O'Sosmart. You've given me so much to think about." No matter what you do: Do NOT argue the point.
Let them think they have helped you. Elders have two "shepherd" modes: Protector (wannabe cop) and Helper. Keep them in Helper mode. Then thank them for coming by, profusely (but don't overdo it). Again, "We're much better now! It's so nice of you to come by, too bad you have to go so soon. Would you please pray for us before you leave?"
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2+2=5
Say as least as you can while being polite. Make him feel awkward as you sit there silently.
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Roberta804
Hurry!!!!! Put some hot sauce on your door handle
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likeabird
Run to the shop for milk and 'accidently' miss them...or open the door with your hair in rollers or with paint everywhere or some sign of disarray to show the inconvenience of their visit!
Else, if you can cope with seeing them, do exactly as Flipper says.
All the best. Will be thinking of you.