Parents - How can I tell them what I have learnt and hope they leave too.

free and happy

My husband and I and our children having been left the JWs for 5 years now, for me it was how we were treated, the lies elders told about us and the blood issue that really opened my eyes and while all this was happening, my parents watched, supported and even sympathised with us,they said they understood our decision and even though it sadden them we were leaving, they understood. They have never shunned us and we have a really good relationship with them.

What I don't understand is how they can still stay and play happy families with the people who caused us so much pain and anxiety, without the transfusion my eldest had, she would be dead, it truely was a life saver, why did they not question the religion that was quite happy to let her die for it.

I think the problem for me is that when I was at home, we never really talked, any problems were just glossed over , in fact I don't think I have ever had an indepth jw talk with my parents about how I felt about being a witness which makes it so hard to tell them what i've learnt now, I haven't a clue where to start.

For my husband it seemed quite easy for him to have discussions with his mum and step dad as he never had the same closeness that I had with my parents when growing up even though we were raised in witness families, but then it dawned on me that we never really spoke indepth about anything much so how do I start now?

So I'm asking for any advice anyone can give, if you have any suggestions I would love to hear from you.

clarity

Hi free ...nice to see you on

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I don't think I have ever had an indepth jw talk with my parents about how I felt

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I'm no expert by any means but maybe just start here.

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Ask them questions.

"Were they able to speak truthfully with their Mom & Dad?

"What was their childhood like"

"Did they ever wish that .........

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Anything to loosen the tonques ...or try this.

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Once you get the ball rolling .... just be honest & open.

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Try to have a laugh with them.... what things happened

to you while 'fading' ...... etc

best of luck

clarity

Giordano

Well the good news is that your eldest is alive and well.......... thanks to you and your husband. You also get to have your parents in your life.

Do you think that your parents feel the same.......... that they want you back in the truth but can't find a way to talk to you about it?

I went through a similar situation where the blood issue was the big problem and that was the thread that unraveled everthing related to the JW's. We were not shunned. There were times that I wished my mother and sister had shunned us. The arguments we got into about the truth were terrible. It got to a point where we couldn't talk about anything.

ABibleStudent

Hi free and happy, I'm glad that you listened to your heart about allowing a transfusion for your child instead of following WTBTS's doctrines.

I can only think of five general ideas that you can do to help improve your relationship with your parents. My suggestions are not to get your parents out of the WTBTS, but to help them think for themselves. My first suggestion is to read Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs"), visit his website, talk with Steve Hassan or one of his coaches, and/or watch videos of Steve Hassan, like the following video, to help you think of ideas:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-oF-Z_I7U

My second suggestion is asking simple questions at appropriate times and listening to your parents about how your parents feel about something related to their lives as JWs without bringing up WTBTS doctrines. My third suggestion is write emails/postcards/letters with lots of pictures to your parents of you and your family having lots of fun and making new non-JW friends. My fourth suggestion is invite your parents on fun outings so that they can meet non-JWs, who they might share common non-JW interests. My fifth suggestion is to create a Facebook page with lots of pictures of your family having fun and liking websites like www.jwfacts.com, liking books like Crisis of Conscience, and liking videos of Steve Hassan.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

free and happy

Thank you everyone for the kind advice, sorry i've not replied earlier, had a problem with my computor, i'll let you know what happens when I tackle them.

Ding

Process slowly.

You'll be tempted to lay everything on them all at once.

That's usually a very bad approach.

People can only take so much at once.

Listen to what they say.

Have they expressed any dissatisfaction with "the truth"?

Get them to talk about that.

00DAD

free and happy: I think the problem for me is that when I was at home, we never really talked, any problems were just glossed over , in fact I don't think I have ever had an indepth jw talk with my parents about how I felt about being a witness

Welcome!

Sadly, this is typical in any dysfunctional relationship and is a hallmark of the codependent variety: you don't talk about the elephant in the room.

I am glad you and your husband and children have gotten out together. The fact that you can even talk to your parents at all is a bonus. That is not the experience of most that leave the organization.

00DAD

The Elephant in the Room

Xanthippe

free and happy, I think OODAD is right it is the hallmark of a dysfunctional relationship not talking about the elephant in the room. When we were waiting in the relatives room in hospital to find out if my husband was going to live or die (he died) his father was talking about a documentary he had seen on the BBC the previous evening! I find my inlaws exhausting as we all have to pretend everything is happy happy, even now. I tend to only make a point of talking about what is really happening if I can cope with the stress. It doesn't mean your parents wont respond, my inlaws did leave eventually. Good luck.

Black Sheep

You can't. They are programmed not to listen. Try to never defend your reasons for leaving, instead, putting it on them to defend their reasons for staying.

They are taught that they have all they answers and don't realise they don't actually have them, so just ask a single question on a subject that undermines selection as god's spokesperson then shut up. Do not express your own opinion. Point out any faulty logic they use and show them any scriptures and WT articles that they contradict, but don't read anything to them (make them read it to you) and don't do their thinking for them.

If they try any tricks to avoid answering the question, look for a way to make them feel guilty for it. Don't change the subject and don't let them change the subject and when they 'answer' a question keep your mouth shut while you ask yourself, "Did they really answer the question that I asked?" (they usually didn't, )

A possible question...

I haven't asked a JW to explain Jeremiah 25:12 yet. How many questions can you think of to ask about this scripture?

12 “But when the seventy years are fulfilled, I will punish the king of Babylon and his nation, the land of the Babylonians, for their guilt,” declares the Lord , “and will make it desolate forever.

Who was the punishment for?

What was the punishment for?

In what year was the punishment meted out?

In what year was the seventy years fulfilled?

Later compare with the various translations of Jeremiah 29:10 (... for Babylon .../... at Babylon ...) and ask which translation best fits with 25:12 and why?

When you play these games, it is best to try them out on random JWs that are not your family members first, so that you get some pactice in and will have some idea how they will likely play the game.

Don't expect to have a 'win' on the day. They've had decades of programming and have very strong psychological reasons to never admit they've been sucked into a cult and then recruited their family. Just getting them thinking without you looking like an ogre would be a reasonable goal.

Black Sheep

Get them to argue that the WT didn't get into date setting for Armageddon. The more adamant they are the better. Then ...

Get a copy of the 1961 Awake! bound volume, or download a copy to their computer/iPad/whatever from http://archive.org/details/1961Awake

Open the bound volume or PDF to Feb 22 and get them to read and explain every reference to 'twentieth century'

If they claim the PDF is a fake, put it on them to produce an original copy that they trust is not a fake.

Parents - How can I tell them what I have learnt and hope they leave too.

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