I thank you all so much already for your input.
I suppose what I need to do is accept that this Man I have come to have such deep feelings for once again in my life, is actually NOT the same man I once loved
as he has been altered and controlled by the WTS.
During this "second chance" relationship with him, I have to say I have seen clear evidence of both the "old him": happy, fun, relaxed and loving toward me, and the "new him" : much colder, more calculated in his words and 'proper', for lack of better terminology. It is like a switch flips and he goes from "old him" to "new him" very rapidly. But almost always after we have had some form of physical contact, even sometimes of the most benign kind. (it doesnt have to be full out sex to make him "flip" on me)
Robert,
Thank you for this information, I will read and research the freedom of mind website. Sadly, I fear he will not let me close enough to be of much assistance. I think he is already shutting down on me because I represent his biggest fear... temptation. His involvement with and feelings for ME may actually force him to have a real look at Himself and his life choices in a way he is not prepared to do.
I think he may latently fear that his sobriety is wrapped up in the JW's (it was very soon after becoming sober that he joined).
I also fear that he is just a person who NEEDS to have some form of governing body, someone to 'guide' him, tell him how to raise his children (he has custody, their mother is non JW - not the current wife he is divorcing) how to think, when to breathe .
Even when we were younger and in love (before his JW involvement) he was prone to extreme "all or nothing" choices. (pyramid schemes, get rich quick ideas... that would be paramount in his life for a few months or, then never to be mentioned again..)
Maybe it shouldnt have really been such a surprise for me to find out about his deep committment to WTS.
I guess I just felt, if I LOVE him enough, and he feels the same, he will leave, he will see that it's wrong, he will be freed.
I am beginning to realize here, that it's not that simple. Love has nothing to do with it... Fear is the key. Such a waste of a human. It's very saddening to me. I would have loved him earnestly and honestly if he would let me in.
Somehow, I doubt that will happen.
