There is NO Polite Way to Say it to a JW

by OnTheWayOut 10 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • OnTheWayOut

    There are so many recent joiners to this forum and many have the same questions about helping their loved one leave Jehovah's Witnesses.

    We can try to cushion our statements. We can approach the subject with thinking questions that seem to be disconnected to JW issues, but really are not disconnected. We can state so-called "apostate" positions from a "doubter" view instead of one that is convinced of the lies.

    We can learn all there is to learn about cognitive dissonance and dangerous mind-control cults.

    We can read all kinds of things about JW history and doctrine and secret practises of the organization.

    We can and should do what we can from the above to help someone we care about to free themself from the Jehovah's Witnesses.

    But many of you newbies (and still a bunch of us oldbies here) want to know how to politely say
    "Spouse/Parent/Sibling/Loved one, you have been wasting your life in a false belief system."

    You must understand that crossing into that statement made to a JW loved one is the equivalent of saying "I am an apostate and I want to die at Armageddon. Further, I want to take you with me."

    My wife used to literally put her hands on her ears (but did not say "LA LA LA LA, I can't hear you."). I had to learn to just move toward freedom without her and continually challenge her way of belief indirectly by finding seemingly unrelated things in the news and the entertainment programs we view. I had to dip, just occasionally, into interupting her disgust with something she hears about Babylon the Great or treatment of women or whatever, and remind her that Jehovah's Witnesses do the same or similar.

    Don't stop posting your questions. Just understand that it has been heard before and people are not "insulting" you with their radical suggestions, and even when they are occasionally going too far in suggesting things about you or your loved ones, it is not meant as the insult they might present, but it is a comment from their own frustration.

    So pose your questions here on JWN, and understand that others have answers for their situations that worked or did not work, but it may turn out different in your case. Post your thoughts on what did or did not work for you, or what you are currently trying.

  • OnTheWayOut

    One thing that church pastors have learned, which works the same in reverse, is to be clever in what they say. They tell old congregants exactly what they need to hear about the doctrine (Hellfire, Adam and Eve, God hates homosexuals, etc.) but when they say it from the pulpit, they find a way to say it with a wink for the younger ones who question such things. They pose doubts as questions instead of as foregone conclusions.

    When you feel you must be straightforward, remember to do your best to maintain sincerity and respect.

  • LostGeneration

    For newbies and lurkers I cannot stress the importance of what OTWO states above. You cannot rip someone's belief system away by drilling them with facts. They will defend this like you are trying to steal their first born child.

  • Ding

    While there is no surefire way to get through to a JW, one thing I have found helpful is to let the JWs in your life know that you will not push an agenda on them, that you will only discuss some hot button topic with them if they give you permission.

    True, this approach requires a lot of patience on your part, but it has several advantages:

    1. It is the opposite of what the WTS has indoctrinated them to expect from "apostates."

    2. It shows respect for them.

    3. It piques their curiosity.

    4. It helps them see that you are a safe person to talk to.

  • BU2B

    Thanks for that OTWO, I am trying to get my wife to see TTATT, she is a good person, just blinded as we once all were. Sometimes I feel like its hopeless but I know questions are the best way to help most. Telling facts doesent seem to work, I can attest to this personally. Hopefully soon I will see the results of using good questions to help her think.

  • minimus

    I think facts are important COUPLED with other things that make things "click".

  • Pterist

    *** There are so many recent joiners to this forum and many have the same questions about helping their loved one leave Jehovah's Witnesses***

    Thanks OTWO, good motivations should steer us in the right direct !

    When I first joined this forum I taught this was the motivation and goal of the forum. However, the reality is that this motivation is not always the case. I like the way the forum has different cathorgies of JWs, Watchtower society, members only, Social and their sub topics, which makes a good selection for diverse interests, without the need of sarcasm from those who have absolutely no interest in these topics.

    Thanks again for your welcome reminder of why Im here.


  • Think About It
    Think About It

    OTWO......your OP was great.

  • Roberta804

    Great thread OTWO,

    Simon, this thread should be put permenantly where newbes can see it. And hopefully for all of us to review it occasionally.

  • flipper

    Good thread OTWO. I know my mom used to tell me as a JW teenager growing up, " it's not WHAT you are saying young Flipper, it's HOW you are saying it to me that makes me think you are being a smart alec. " LOL ! So your points are well taken in your initial thread. JW's are SO touchy about the least little bit of criticism ( of course it's how they're trained by the WT Society ) - that they'll go 5150 on you if they sense any kind of insult to the organization then it becomes like talking to a brick wall. So that's one reason we welcome any and all experiences here on the board when people are able to share what has worked in reaching JW relatives and even experiences of what DOES NOT work are good to give access to information to all here in pooling our resources to learn how to reach these people

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