If they ever got me to give a substitute talk, that would be the biggest screw-up they ever made. I would simply use the LIE-ble itself to prove that joke-hova wanted us to live miserable lives as slaves, and that Satan wanted us to be free and develop our souls and become God-like. Joke-hova would not have that, so that thing interfered and caused the death and problems to coerce us into slavery. Then that thing sold us into debt, creating a structure of debt that would leave us forever indebted. Of course, poor Satan was blamed for it.
And they better not even think of asking me to give the prayer. I will simply pray to Satan that He put a stop to the whole Abrahamic structure, including the joke-hovian witlesses. Instead of the amen, I would issue a "Hail Satan!" at the end. If nothing else, that would be the last time they would ever make that mistake. If they are idiots enough to make that mistake again, I would make it even worse and ask Satan for the destruction of that hounder's life (in the form of having that thing's life falling apart, bad luck, and so on). Again, the object would be that it would put a stop to their hounding me to do things for joke-hova.