Carnival of the god forsaken

Borges

As it is carnival season in Germany and the daughter of my girl-friend is in a dance group that performs at carnival sessions, we went today to see her appearance, not knowing that it took place in a home for mentally handicapped people.

The hall wasn’t that big, maybe room for one hundred people, but it was crowded. Almost everybody was costumed, even the physically disabled in their wheelchairs. Next to the inhabitants of the home there were relatives and nursing personnel. The mood was gushy and every performance (mostly given by young girls and boys) earned big applause and here and there a yelling.

For me it was the first time to meet with mentally handicapped people since I’ve abandoned every concept of God or any kind of a supreme being.

Earlier such encounters gave me uneasy feelings because I wasn’t able to understand why God permits this kind of suffering. Almost immediately my compassion vanished and was replaced by a self-referential struggle with my own beliefs. And all my emotions and actions towards handicapped people were dictated by the thought, what God wanted me to do and to feel.

Today it was totally different. I watched the handicapped ones, most of them enjoying the afternoon and the performance, but some were rather uncomfortable and uneasy, some very ecstatic, some just sitting in their wheelchair not showing any kind of emotion. I saw relatives who shared the joy, but also some, who couldn’t get rid of the pressure they experience by having a loved one in such a challenging condition. Even some of the nursing personnel seemed to be more irritated by the event.

I was touched very deeply by all I observed, but there was no inner fight, no searching for an answer that can’t be given. As I accepted this situation as it is, and the condition of this people as also natural and not a twist in a fathomless master plan, I draw as close to this people as never before. There was no barrier anymore and I could percept this emanation of life just as it is – one of the many ways life can exist.

In some occasions I reached out my hand, could speak to some of these very special people, at the same time some of them scared me by their behavior or just the way they looked. I felt compassion but also bewilderment. I allowed both feelings to dwell in my breast and enjoyed the freedom to face this situation without prefabricated concepts – even it was sometimes hurting.

I can’t remember a moment when I was happier to be an atheist as this afternoon.

whathappened

Yes, I agree. At first I had trouble arriving at the conclusion that there is no god.

Now, the old saying "god works in mysterious ways" makes me laugh. It only seems that way because he isn't there, you just think he is.

label licker

Borges, I commend you for going and being not only apart of your daughters life but the life of all those people. I grew up with two handicapped siblings. One died at eleven. He would take up to fifty-two seizures in a day. Twice I remember the ambulance taking him away in the middle of the night and then he lived out his last year at sick childrens hospital. He had insephilitus of the brain set in and later bled to death. I have another sister who is in a home where they really do care for these guys. She has cerebral palsy, rare eye disorder where eyes shake along with the whole body non stop and is mentally handicapped as well. She's in her mid fifty's now. She went into the home after mom took her own life with an overdose. Now my sister is ageing ontop of her disabilities and I just wonder trying to make sense of all of this. I just can't. I remember taking my sister to the hall before I stopped going and only one kind sister came over and held her hand as I went to the bathroom and cried. People just stood at a distance and stared and it made me feel awkward. When I saw how tough life can be for some and then I see all sorts of rubbish and backbiteing going on over petty crap in the congregations, I said to myself I don't have time for this. When you hear from the platform that half of us are here to torment the other half I asked myself what does my sister and others in the home think about. Probably when is their next meal, or next bath, You know, just wondering how to survive and when will a family member come to visit. My family members say they can't bring themselves to going in these places with these kind of freaks and yes those were the exact words they used. My handicapp sister will rock back and forth on her bed with a smile and can't wait for them to come and visit. It's been almost thirty years and still no visit from any of them. I admire people who can look for the good in others. I still want to look for the good in god and believe he'll do right even if it meant me dieing in order for her to live. That was nice you went. The other kids in the home will not forget you.

yadda yadda 2

That's a really nice and insightful account, thanks for sharing it. I understand what you are saying. Just viewing your fellow humans as fellow humans, without the tinted glasses of religious paradigms colouring your perception of your fellow man.

Although you can accept these people's condition as natural, humankind must of course still keep looking for cures, and it may be only a matter of time until such illnesses and handicaps are a thing of the past.

It is amazing what they are discovering now that the human genome has been mapped. The other day I read an article where they reckon that in about 5 years they may crack the key to curing cancer because they are beginning to isolate all the DNA sequences that cause it, then they will understand how to fix it by repairing the damaged DNA.

Just imagine how much progress the human race may make in medical science in the future (it could be 50 years or 500 or 5000 years or way longer, who knows) once DNA is fully mastered, but as I said, it appears it is only a matter of time. If there is no God to intervene and save us (its a wonderful hope, and I still hope it is true), then there is still hope of a world that is free from sickness and disease one day through the efforts of science, just maybe.

Borges

Thank you for your comments!

whathappened - "God works in mysterious ways" has changed for me in "Life goes various ways"

label licker - Thank you very much for telling of your siblings. You've been through a lot of sad experiences. It's a shame that nobody in the congregation gave you a helping hand or took care of your sister. Wittnesses are so busy with preaching and arranging their own salvation that they are missing the essential things in life.

If believing in a god good gives you kind of consolation I'm very happy for you!

yadda yadda 2 - Interresting what you are saying about cures. I've talked with my girl-friend on our way home from the event. We both agreed in that in 20 or 30 years you wont see mental handicaped people anymore (or in very rare occasions) because the medical possibilities will be so advanced, that any kind of a genetic failure will be detected even before a person is going to procreate.

cantleave

Thanks for the post!

Phizzy

Thanks from me too, you made me think about how much more I can enjoy since leaving the WT and since leaving any judgemental attitudes caused by a book full of ignorance and bigotry, the Bible.

I can enjoy any celebration I want, from a Wiccan one to a Gay Pride one, without fear or discomfort. I can enjoy all sorts of Art and music not thinking in the back of my mind about the artists life style or choices.

We are free to enjoy life as it is, and to live in hope that those who follow us will be even more enlightened and will benefit from what man's progress has to offer.

Borges

Thank you cantleave!

Phizzy - You've mentioned something very important: To enjoy life just as it is. And sometimes enjoying life isn't amusing. Sometimes it means that life grabs you at the guts - but still its life. As an atheist you are facing life as it comes to you and not as something wrecked that is in need of a god to repair it.

Carnival of the god forsaken

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