Newbie - I need advice!

by awakening 43 Replies latest jw experiences

  • tornapart

    Hi awakening, I really sympathise. I'm a wife of an elder and although he is very understanding I feel that to keep my marriage intact I have to compromise. I'm careful not to say too much and if I do say anything to say it at the right time.

    It's very difficult sometimes but as time's gone on (it's been a year now) it's become easier to the point where if I don't want to got to a meeting or field service (which is often) he doesn't raise an eyebrow or ask me why not, he just accepts it. If I bring anything up then it's always something I know he'll agree with me on.

    As time has gone on it's become more and more things. He's beginning to see things now that he never would have before. I know the cognitive dissonance gets stronger in him every time we talk. If I notice him putting up barriers, I back off and stay quiet.

    I think the secret is to take it slowly, don't rush anything. Sometimes stomaching things will be particularly hard but remind yourself how much your wife means to you and that might help to be able to put up with things.

  • rip van winkle
    rip van winkle


  • Ding

    Reading the Bible without the WT can be a real eyeopener.

    I recommend Galatians and Romans as starters.

    The message is much different than the WT legalism...

    ... and it's hard for a JW spouse to object to studying the Bible...

    If you take this approach, try reading, say, a chapter a day together.

    Read it out loud and stop every paragraph or so and each of you summarize what you got out of it.

    The WTS never approaches the Bible this way, and I think some key differences between the Bible and the WT will become clear.

  • RosePetal
  • BlindersOff1

    A warm welcome to you .

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    Awakening, Welcome. I wish you every success in your exit.

    I hope the Love of Your Life wakes up to TTATT and escapes with you.

    Just Lois

  • Giordano

    How's this for timing....when I left in my twenties Vietnam was still raging and the WT was teaching that 1975 was going to be a VERY Important year as in when Armageddon was due.

    I also knew I would lose all of my friends. Family not so much since they really didn't go after the witnesses who bowed out quietly. We moved from our congregation after pioneering for four years and kinda didn't sign up at a new one.

    My publishers card? Well I was the servant who took care of the cards and mine kinda disappeared.

    The big thing for me was blood I wasn't going to sacrifice the child we wanted nor my wife's life if push came to push. The other thing was Armageddon, I did not believe god would kill off Billions of people. I talked with her about my feelings, by then it was making my skin crawl to even sit in a KM hall, And she said "Ok I just wanted to know what was going on with you, here's what I've got to say.....I never believed in it I just thought you were the one who wanted to live that life, by the way .....close your mouth."

    Now she was a casual sister when I met her but regular in service and meetings she just didn't buy into the whole deal.

    Unless you know your wife is a casual witness do a slow fade. You've been given great advice. You've got the rest of your life to be together.

    So how did it work out for us? We will celebrate our 50th this year. My son kept me out of NAM, they changed the rules the year he was born and in return I kept him away from JW's. If my wife wanted to have stayed in I would have become a Bystander Witnesses. Someone who shows up every now and then but doesn't have anything to say.

    I know I am making light about a very serious time in your life........... I am taking what your going through very seriously and you'll be in my thoughts.

  • Dismissing servant
    Dismissing servant

    Act very careful. If you want your wife to learn TTATT hou have to accept that it might take several years. Don't try to force her to read material that is critical to the organisation or the beliefs. Just ask open questions.

    Read some of Steven Hassans books.

  • Bob_NC

    I am glad to see that you got such a warm reception here. Advice about your wife. Here is what I did and I think this will help. Do not overload her with your doubts, but DO let her know that you have some doubts and that you have some research and prying to do. Take the humble meek approach. She will wonder what this is all about and you won't be acting like a seething apostate. Quite the contrary, you will still be a level-headed brother trying to do the right thing. But your progression towards the WT exit door can been obviously see as i one direction, even if done easily and carefully.

  • Fernando

    A warm welcome Awakening!

    My, isn't it rush hour here over the last week with newbies pouring in. Something seems to be up in Watchtower land.

    "Don't spook the natives" as jgnat said!

    Our family started making a search for the "full Good News" or "unabridged gospel" message in the electronic Watchtower library at the end of 2005. We invested around 1,000 hours a year into this search for truth.

    Unbeknown to us at the time was that the "full Good News" is God's ultimate answer to any and all religion.

    We were soon cured of our addiction to rule-making and rule-keeping ("legalism") as a means to earn, deserve or pay for a right and clean standing with God (self-righteousness or works-righteousness).

    Instead we accepted God's "free gift" of an imputed right and clean standing ("justification" and "sanctification") per the "full Good News" or message.

    Mid-2009 our family walked out intact and spiritually alive as never before. As 3rd and 4th generation born-ins we had committed a combined 110 years to the Watchtower cult.

    It was of course a tremendous shock to discover that there is nothing the elders secretly hate and fear more than the "full Good News". This is because it was specifically designed to liberate us from the illegitimate power, authority and control of the "ruling religious clergy class" of pseudo mediators between man and God (Pharisees and Sanhedrin).

    It was a shock to discover that whilst one can find the full or "unabridged gospel" message in their publications (albeit highly fragmented), it is by design not in their hearts, nor on their lips.

    Greetings, blessings and peace to you and yours


    (Why do followers of the Watchtower religion call themselves “publishers of the Good News” whilst unfamiliar with the “Good News” according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms?)

Share this