Hi awakening, I really sympathise. I'm a wife of an elder and although he is very understanding I feel that to keep my marriage intact I have to compromise. I'm careful not to say too much and if I do say anything to say it at the right time.
It's very difficult sometimes but as time's gone on (it's been a year now) it's become easier to the point where if I don't want to got to a meeting or field service (which is often) he doesn't raise an eyebrow or ask me why not, he just accepts it. If I bring anything up then it's always something I know he'll agree with me on.
As time has gone on it's become more and more things. He's beginning to see things now that he never would have before. I know the cognitive dissonance gets stronger in him every time we talk. If I notice him putting up barriers, I back off and stay quiet.
I think the secret is to take it slowly, don't rush anything. Sometimes stomaching things will be particularly hard but remind yourself how much your wife means to you and that might help to be able to put up with things.