Who seemed to be shown more forgiveness? Men or women?

by TweetieBird 15 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • TweetieBird

    What has been your experience with people you knew that were reproved or disfellowshipped for adultery?

    I always felt that the brother was treated more mercifully and excused for it, but a sister was totally demonized.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I don't think there is much difference between male or female -- what matters is WHO YOU ARE RELATED TO.

    COBE son or daughter? Get Out of Jail Free Card

    Elders? As long as there is evidence of you having regained Jehovah's blessing you don't even have to sit for the Judicial Committee. FREE PASS

    Thus it may seem that (single) Sisters get a harsher review, but most likely it's because they con't have the connections to a prominent Elder. It's all about who you know and their rank or position in the hierarchy.


  • ndmom73

    I am not sure if I could have an answer for this because I left the JW's as a teen, but I think what I remember feeling the most is how degrading it felt as a young woman to be disciplined/counselled on issues that made me me feel shame in being a young woman. I am pretty sure that none of the young men have been pulled in front of a room with 3 adults of the opposite sex talking about how their clothing is too tight, too sexually attractive, too distracting for others of the opposite sex, etc. I still get creeped out thinking about it.

  • Amelia Ashton
    Amelia Ashton

    A couple from my old cong got d'fd for fornication whilst supposed to be cleaning windows together. She was back after only 12 weeks.

    This was far sooner than the brother and it was not her first disfellowshipping for fornication either and it was his. He was married she was single so I don't know if that makes a difference.

    I do know he kept being turned down when he applied for reinstatement. He was not an MS or piosneer nor blonde or as pretty and perhaps not as flirty or such an expert bootlicker either.

    When she came to visit me the day before her disfellowshipment she did say to me that I should always keep a few worldly people in the background just in case because if you only have JW friends you have no-one to fall back on if you get kicked out.

    I thought she had learned her lesson because she was much more discreet for quite a long time but last I heard she had been disfelowshipped yet again for exactly the same thing. All she wants to do is settle down with some-one but as a born in and approaching 40 I don't rate her chances. Very sad.

  • joyfulfader

    Women are definitely dealt with more harshly since the org needs the men and there are too many women as it is. That being said it really does depend on the politics of the particular cong and the sets of brothers involved. Having been in at least 7 JC's the politics were different each time depending on those involved. And it's funny because I was only ever in those JC's because I told on myself as a good little born in. Saw virtually every viewpoint and type of discipline. Women are def second class citizens. And as far as a sister approaching 40...I was in my late 30's before I left and attracted men left and right so I don't think that poor woman is doomed because of her age. Maybe doomed to a life of depression from the org but not necessarily from marriage.

  • SophieG

    Personally, in general I feel anyone who gets Dfd gets a rough deal. But I do think brothers get away with more crap. My ex did. He was PRIVATELY reproved in every hall we attended for the same thing. I know of brothers who committed fornication, got appointed responsibilities then confessed and got deleted and private reproof. Whenever you hear a sister being disciplined the ONLY thing you hate to assume is it was for something sexual. But if it’s sexual for a guy it’s more quiet. However if you are a repeat offender then you get read out big time, male or female.

    I know of sisters who have been dealt with treacherously by their mate. Mate gets DFd and sister spins out of control, no comfort or guidance from elder body and she gets read out. What gets me more are these loser JW husbands who mistreat their wives and the wife commits adultery to get out of the situation. Ok, fine. But never ever is the husband not talked to about how his lack of headship contributed to the madness in that household. Therefore, hubby gets to look like the good guy.

    Oh and don’t believe what anyone tells you about if you’re repentant you won’t get DFd. It’s a LIE!

    Just my observations.

  • joyfulfader

    I agree with SophieG...repentance has absolutely NO bearing on the decision. Period.

  • Amelia Ashton
    Amelia Ashton

    All she wants to do is settle down with some-one but as a born in and approaching 40 I don't rate her chances.

    And as far as a sister approaching 40...I was in my late 30's before I left and attracted men left and right so I don't think that poor woman is doomed because of her age.

    I meant because she has been trying to get a husband since 16 and not succeeded her probability of finding one in the KH when other younger sisters are growing up her chances diminsh with each passing year.

    There was not one single brother over the age of 17 when I was in so only a widower would have been available or a huge age gap, we had a few, and even when in their 50s and 60s they liked the new second wife to be very young. Single sisters in their 30s, 40s, and 50s sadly quite a few and 10 years after leaving that congregation they are all still single.

    My daughter's sister got recruited and subsequently baptised at age 26 and 15 years later she still hasn't had a single offer of studying a Watchtower with any-one.

    Maybe it is just our area but I didn't either. I started associating with witnesses at age 23 and at age 49 a sister said she was surprised I hadn't given up hoping it was so unlikely I would find anyone. She was newly engaged herself at 35 to a brother 12 years younger than her that had just come from Venezuela to our congregation.

  • slimboyfat

    Men, women or elders?

    Elders can get away with all sorts of stuff. If all else fails they just get demoted!

  • LisaRose

    I think the guys get it easier, especially is immorality issues. The elders are men, I think they understand and sympathize more. But that is also true of society as a whole. It's not as bad as it used to be, but women have always been held to a different standard. Think of all the words for a sexually loose woman; slut, whore, tramp, hussy, harlot, Jezebel, strumput, Trollop, etc. Words for a sexually loose man; playboy, player, words that have a good connotation. There are no statistics, as the WTBTS does not reveal them, but my guess is that men have sex outside of marriage far more often than women, but get caught less and are not treated as harshly when they do get caught.

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