Every soldier entering the War Zone leaves behind a little piece of themself. The Gulf War is estimated to cost the V.A. Billions of dollars in disability because of the affects the War has had on these young and middle age soldiers. Some reports estimate forty percent of all soldiers serving multipule tours in Iraq, Afghanisatan are suffering from PTSD and other maladies.
The Watchtower is at War with Satan's wicked system of things, using all means necessary to keep you alive. The "Tower" provided each member with "Body Suits", "Helmets" and "Theocratic Teachings and Mentoring of their Special Force Members". Whether you were disfellowshiped or disassociated, faded or just stopped going, do you feel you left something behing in the bunkers of the Kingdom Hall? Possibly in the trenches in the field service or serving the troops as the appointed company man?
What is a brother or sister living off the good graces of the Watchtower, suppose to do if they figure out it's a lie? I ask myself why Ray Franz or Ed Dunlap did not keep their mouth quite when they could have lived like kings or little gods? Is the price of a conscience and freedom from tyrannies of mankind worth everything they lost financially? Those two men got screwed along with their wives and family. How do the creeps at the top sleep at night, knowing they do more bad than good?
I am trying to regain my sense of self worth and think about the future in a better way. I fight the tendancy to think each negative event must be a "sign" and fight the fear the Organization put into each one of us. The guilt is slowing fading even though there was nothing to feel all the guilt I had in the first place. We experienced a War Zone, something only those of us who went through it can relate to. How long does it take before you don't think of the life you left behind in the Organization?