I was curious if anyone else has gone through a similar experience.
When I became inactive 4 years ago, I went through a period of not being able to focus on just about anything, other than doing tremendous amounts of research to prove to myself what my beliefs were, and to clearly identify my issues with the JW organization. I was mad - and i was on a mission to build the ultimate case against the WT. However, having read the fine advice on here, I backed off with my family, since it would have just gotten ugly.
I avoided posting on here for years, and had cut down my research and put it on the back burner.
However, I still felt a need to "witness" to my family and to have an open discussion with my wife. She knew i left in disgust, but never knew the true depth of why I was so disgusted with the religion. So, having seen an opportunity, I re-opened Pandora's Box - I dug out all my old research, I started coming on here again, and even decided to finally start posting.
I had a wonderful talk with my wife - she is extremely clear on my stance, my viewpoints, and my feelings. It was difficult, but it has in many ways brought us closer together. However, I find myself on here constantly - doing research, looking up different opinions, and enjoying the discussion. I have re-read both Ray Franz books, done my own extreme in-depth research, and can discuss my beliefs clearly on any JW doctrinal subject.
Sometimes, I have to tell myself to switch gears to a different topic! I think its two things for me:
#1) I left bitter and angry, which I really no longer feel. However, I still felt a need to "cleanse" my system of the Borg, and the process has been cathartic to say the least. I am more knowledgable about the WT and JW doctrine than I ever was as an Elder, Pioneer, (Insert Other Silly Titles)...... I have read Russell. Rutherford. A lot of Knorr-era Books. With this site and others, I can quote WT's right off the top of my head....its scary!
#2) I am still surrounded by family and some friends who are "in", so my shields are always up. I wanted to be able to clearly express my thoughts to them in a kind and loving (not attacking) way, in order to stimulate their thinking on JW-related topics. I have learned a lot about the "cult" mindset, and how its hard to get people out. I know 10 years ago, despite doubts, fear, discouragement, and wanting a better way, a direct attack would have scared me off. I am always searching for that "A-HA!" topic to discuss with them.
Any similar thoughts/experiences?