please help

by joyfulfader 31 Replies latest jw experiences

  • joyfulfader

    Thank you all so much. She has ordered Steve Hassan's books and I am letting her read my COC. The books r being delivered to my house. She says her husband seems to have his own issues but she is afraid to push the envelope now. They rarely have a family study but jgnat that is a great question. She actually signed up to be a member of this forum today!!! Yay!!! And just to guys r awesome. I know she will find great support here just as I have.

  • whathappened

    Please send her my love and encouragement. Proceed slowly and lovingly. Best wishes and I am happy for her that she has a friend like you.

  • joyfulfader

    She is able to read your responses on her computer until she is allowed to post herself. My other best friend will probably be joining here soon also :)

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    I would also suggest she settle in for the long haul

    She will be unlikely to wake up her husband in a month. This would have to be a well planned exit, starting with self education and months of planning. Then the dropping little bits and asking the awkward questions gently gently.

    that would be my approach at any rate...I wish your friend well, she is in a good place here, the advice i got when i joined was huge in helping me reach my teenagers with TTATT


  • Cagefighter

    Just some food for thought: If your husband was speeding in a car with the kids in the backseat off a cliff would we be asking about a congenial way to pull away? No we would all be screaming to hit the brakes!

    Reality is bitch, but it's all we got. So here is reality:

    1. There is no easy way to leave a cult. As a member you have been asleep and it's like an arm or leg that fell asleep. It's gonna hurt like hell, but only for a little while and hurting is not bad, it means you are waking up.

    2. Your husband is driving over a cliff with your kids. Those little "medical directives" in your wallets. How would you feel if you lost a child because a surgeon hesitated for even 5 minutes instead of saving your kid's life. I know surgeons and we talk about this a lot.

    I am in my 30's (left the truth at 17) and my parent's #'s are not saved in my phone as Mom or Dad for a reason. Also, my emerg contact is always a close friend that knows his job is to never let a doctor believe I am JW just incase my parent's get caught up in some nostaglia/emotional rationalization that denying me a blood transfusion would be my last shot into the new system. It's a slim chance, but I don't want a Surgeon to hesitate one nano-second if my life is on the line.

    There are a lot of people that will give you a million execuses for staying in the cult once they know the TATT on this board. (Truth about the Truth). I understand their plights, but it's no execuse for just walking away. Contrary to what you've been brainwashed to believe, God will not zap you and life will go on, undoubtedly less complicated and more fulfilling in many ways. Everyone else will just have to get over their dissappointment.

  • soft+gentle

    joyfulfader, my situatiion is similar to that of your friend. My husband has remained an elder through thick and thin.

    For now jif she just tells herself her family will benefit in the long run from any even small moves she makes towards freedom. Often it just the thoughts in your head and the feeling in your heart that count and benefit your family in subtle ways.

  • joyfulfader

    I am so anxious for her to be able to post but thanks soft+gentle. Hope is on the horizon.

  • zed is dead
    zed is dead

    Make sure she has the Custody packet.


  • Cadellin

    Hi: I was in the exact situation when I began to wake up. I had a wonderful elder husband, many years in ft service and a small child. I would be happy to help her in any way, since I totally understand what she is - and will be --going through.

    She needs to know that there is no easy road in her situation, especially if all of their mutual fams are JW and if she wants to be keep her marriage together. That said, difficult doesn't mean impossible. Cagefighter said there's no easy way to leave a cult and that's quite true. However, I would add that there's no wrong way to leave, either. Leaving is leaving, no matter how slowly one needs to structure her fade.

  • jgnat

    "If your husband was speeding in a car with the kids in the backseat off a cliff"

    What if he is walking with children in hand? I'd rather talk him gently away from the cliff. I am a proponent of "softly, gently". Screaming usually does not jar people in to reality. You usually get screaming back. And with Hassan's model, you are scaring the cultist personality to take over, subsuming the natural, reasonable person underneath.

    I am a fan of Clint Eastwood's gentle, trusting directorial style:

    "Another technique that Clint Eastwood uses to create a comfortable set is his refusal to use the standard “Action!” and “Cut!” cues. Instead, Eastwood just rolls the cameras and lets the actors start the scene whenever they’re ready. Then he will just signal for the camera to cut. Or, if he is in a talking sort of mood, he sometimes will say “that’s enough of that shit” or something like that.

    The reason Eastwood eschews from the traditional “Action!” and “Cut!” cues is that those commands, usually shouted out so that everyone on the set can hear, can be disruptive to an actor’s concentration. They create an atmosphere that is a little more formal and a little less natural. If an actor is in his pre-scene, an “Action!” can be intrusive and take them out of the moment. Likewise, someone yelling “Cut!” can be a little jarring to an actor focused in the moment and make it harder for them to slip back into the scene for another take."

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