No real friendship in JW's NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE WENT THRU!!!

by darth frosty 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • darth frosty
    darth frosty

    Was talking with Blackman the other day and reflecting on our past and we were discussing some trials we went thru together, namely bethel. Our friendship has endured thru days of pioneering together, bethel and now full fledged post jw apostasy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    What we were talking about was other friends of ours who went thru and endured some severe BULLSHIT at bethel. I'm talking damn near andy dufraine shawshank redemption BS where the only difference was the rape was mental and not physical. We recounted one pal of ours who was being screwed over so tough one day he went into a tear streaming rage while working.

    Let me paint the picture for you a gigantic 6 foot 5 dude with tears streaming down his face, tossing 50 lbs bundles around like empty tissue rolls.

    They actually sought us out to come and calm our friend down. This dude was screwed over more times than I can recount. Last time I talked with him he was an elder and I was explaining how I no longer attend.

    looking back I foolishly thought considering the nature of what we went thru, that we had formed a bound that transcended the JW's. I thought this cat and others in our crew would always be there for each other no matter what!

    Damn was I wrong.

    I am not venting or ranting, not even mad just observing and putting into words one of the flaws of JW's...Brotherhood.

    Or more specifically the lack of true brotherhood! One definition of brotherhood is: the belief that all people should act with warmth and equality toward one another, regardless of differences in race, creed, nationality, etc.

    I see a lot of post where people are in a 'fade' trying to keep their friends, family and other reasons. I wish you all success but please be forewarned that the very nature of the JW beast is to cast friends and loved ones aside as soon as they no longer live up to expectations.

  • flipper

    DARTH- Very good and eye opening thread. Thanks for posting this. It's something all of us faders and inactive ex-JW's need to think about. I'm glad for you that Blackman and you have remained tight- sorry the 6 ft. 5 inch guy still is under the cult mind control spell though. It's horrific the psycological abuse he received and many others of us had received over the years also.

    In my extended family who are probably still 80 to 85 % Witnesses - I have to be very careful about what I say and to whom I say it to after being out for 9 years now. I know I can trust my older JW mom , she accepts me as I am, but my older JW dad I am not as open with him as he shuts his brain down at anything that causes him " JW discomfort ". I have 2 loder fanatic JW siblings , one an elder and another ex-missionary who I don't hardly EVER even talk to because they are always on the prowl to rat on me to our parents about ANYTHING slightly off that I would say. I find it easier to just not deal with them. Yet I have 1 older sister who the JW cult has been hard on , she has health problems and accepts her gay non-Witness son unconditionally so we get along fine. I can open up to her about my doubts in small increments.

    As far as having ANY JW friends who are not family- they are all gone. I lost touch with them years ago and it's better off that way because as you mention, most of their allegiance is to the WT Society first, last, and always. As you stated all of us ex-JW's need to wake up to see that our REAL friends are non-Witnesses who accept us truly unconditionally in friendship. We need to NOT be gullible or it will come and bite us in the a$$ . I've had several bite mark scars to prove it over the years ! I know better now. Peace out, mr. Flipper

  • tiki

    i find this all very sad, yet very to be expected. the mindset is so thoroughly banged in and reinforced that everyone not of the group is the enemy to be avoided at all costs. it will never cease to amaze me how people who are so adamant that they alone have accurate biblical understanding and an elite position before the most high are so terrified that one individual who thinks differently can damage them and their faith in the point where they can't even look them in the eye and have a normal human conversation... if their faith is all that strong and can withstand storms and all the rest, like that house built on sand vs rock illustration - why the fear and anxiety to have communication with those who have differing views???

    and this doesn't even begin to address the core values of christianity - love thy the greatest law....

    i personally have only a handful of relatives "in" and interestingly enough, they wouldn't have anything to do with me when i was "in good standing" for years and no surprise that now they perceive me with horns and a forked tail.....

  • dazed but not confused
    dazed but not confused

    Everything in the JW world is coditional. Love, friendships and families sticking together. I have unconditional love for my 2 kids. No mater what awful thing they might do when they get older, I will still love them. I will be digusted by any bad act they may commit but still love them. My love for my wife is conditional and hers for me Im sure. The condition that we remain faithful to eachother for instance.

    I suppose my love for my mom and sister is a bit conditional. Whether or not they choose to have anything to do with me because of this cult is up to them. I will still love them but I will not waste my time on people who treat me like shit. My sister has already told me she still loves me but it will be different now. I see now her love for me was based on the condition that I remain a JW. As for the rest of my "friends" (all the ones I had when I was IN) there are 2 that have almost no contact with me anymore. Thats their choice. I will and have made new friends. Their friendship was also a condition of the cult.

    I won't waste my time on people who waste my time.

  • Bob_NC

    Once I realized the truth about "the truth" I decided I would fade rather than bolt for the door under the mistaken notion that I would soften the blow of my leaving to my lifelong JW friends. My closest JW friend, who happened to be PO, even said that he and I could get together privately and talk about my concerns. I agreed, and gave him a written list of conerns as conversation points. We agreed to meet the next weekend. He called that day and said that something had come up and he couldn't make it. So we agreed on meeting the next Saturday. He cancelled that too. We never talked about it again.

    And those supposed friends that you wish to spare something? Don't put too much effort in that. They will drop you like a brick once it is known that you no longer support the Org with all you have.

  • 00DAD

    So true.

    The "Brotherhood" concept was one of the main things that attracted me to JWs in the first place.

    I was quite disillusioned when I discovered that it too was one of the many lies of the WTBTS's "theology."

    It's so much nicer to have real family and friends that love me for WHO I am and not WHAT I believe; or should I say, "Pretend to love me for WHAT I pretend to believe"?


  • NVR2L8

    The friendships are centered around congregation activities with some few exceptions as occasional "social" activities. If your best friend moves to a neighbouring congregation in very little time you will have nothing to do with him. The same goes for family members. The regimen of activities required from JWs leaves very little time for real friendships so you have to content with "friends" who slave at the same congregation activities...By the way a true friend would be someone you can confide in expecting that they will not judge you or betray confidentiality...this does not exist among JWs...

  • blondie

    This hit home today. As I left work I saw a sister I had gone to high school with, pioneered with, roomed with, did recreational things with. Then while still a jw and in "good standing" she stopped calling me or returning my calls. We haven't had any contact for 12 years and work in the same town, live within 3 miles of each other, even work within 1/2 a block of each other. But no acknowledgement, and I am niether da'd or df'd. jws are trained to put their own existence first, not to endanger their eternail life, that this life comes only through continuing loyal to a human organization, the WTS.

    That's why I say to find new, loyal friends. I go to a support group (not ex-jw or AA,NA) weekly. I got a big hug from the regulars and the new people at the end. We come together because we have similar life experiences, are young, old male, female, black, white, different economic backgrounds, etc.

    I found this quote in a WTS publication, one in print but not practiced especially in staying friends with jws.

    To be self-sacrificing means to give up our own advantage or comfort for the benefit of others. We put their needs and welfare ahead of our own even if it is not convenient.

  • wannabefree

    What a crazy thought that a relationship with friend or family would rise above Watch Tower control ... yep, conditional love, sucks.

    Fortunately my immediate family is not JW and they never shunned me when I left the faith I was raised in and spoke negatively about it to them trying to get them to see the glorious Watch Tower truth. They never stopped showing me unconditional love and after my 25 years of marginilzing them, they wept with me and have been a continued support in this crazy time of awakening and discovery.

    For some, Watch Tower is all the family they have, one big disfunctional and abusive relationship.

  • Lozhasleft

    Doesn't it stink, this conditional Watchtower love?

    Loz x

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