Would I be the punching bag?

by NeverKnew 28 Replies latest social relationships

  • NeverKnew

    Poor Cognac's challenge has me thinking.

    As a non-jw, if I were to marry this JW, would the congregation attribute problems we would encounter to him being married to me? I don't want to be a punching bag.

    Couples have challenges. Cars break down, jobs are lost, children act up... I would hate to think he'd have nowhere to turn. I already hate that we wouldn't be able to go to the same spiritual source for support.

    We are both in our forties so I'm talking about existing children, not children between us.

  • Theredeemer

    Yes. Many, if not most, will blame his decision to marry an unbeliever for any problems you both have. Thats not the worst part though. Make sure this person is not banking that you will convert because if they are, even subconsciously, then they will slowly begin to attribute all the problems to you for not wanting to convert.

    You might become the punching bag to your spouse, which is much worse

  • Think About It
    Think About It

    In or out the JW's will make you a punching bag if you let them. Being you are not a JW, you will be treated nicely to your face, but once you don't join right up you will be talked about behind your back. Flee if you can, or stay in the relationship if you must.

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    IMO, the scapegoat, punching bag, is exactly what you'd likely be.

  • nugget

    It is very difficult to be a the non JW in a relationship with a JW. As a non believer you are seen as the cause of issues but never as part of the solution. Your opinion on matters has less worth than the societies opinion and when difficulties arise the instinct is to go to the elders and the literature for an answer. There is also little compromise it is their way or no way. It is hard to be in a relationship when one side is expected to make all the sacrifices and get little respect and appreciation. I would suggest that if you are not already committed to a JW then keep away.

  • Tater-T

    until he see's the borg for what it is ..... it's worthlesss cause... he can never really love you

    it just doesn't work....

    My sister who is still in use this point to get me back, " Tate, you can never have a relationship,..."

    she is right.... but now I know i`t's not because of the truth... it's the cult mentality

    It's not your fault.... it' seemed like a good Idea.. you didn't know going in, get out


  • InterestedOne

    Use the search feature on this site to look up kissing a corpse. The society puts some weird ideas in its followers' minds.

  • leaving_quietly

    Yes, absolutely. One JW elder once told a sister who was married to a non-JW (both married before she converted) to treat him as if he had a terminal illness. How sick! He's a very nice person. I've known him for over 20 years.

    From a practical standpoing, the WTS has some legitimate reasoning for why a marriage with the partners having different beliefs and/or different religions could be a real challenge. If you do a Google search for "marriage religion" you'll see many sites that discuss the difficulties of such a mixed marriage. Many of them, of course, offer advice as to how to make such marriages work.

  • wasblind

    There were a couple of sisters in the hall I used to attend

    that had money bags for husbands

    These husbands had absolutely nothin' to do wit' this religion

    and theses sisters were full time pioneers

    I hardly think the elders discouraged these marriages

    especially if there is money to be had

  • GLTirebiter

    I wouldn't say "punching bag" is exactly the right phrase, but it would be a difficult position for both of you.

    Even if your partner has the best of intentions, he can't help being influenced by continually hearing and reading Watchtower teachings about being "unevenly yoked" to "worldly people". He will hear that his duty is to win you over to "Jehovah's Organization." When privileges are assigned within the congregation, he may be passed by in favor of another "brother" who is married to a "sister", so if he ever aspires to be an MS or elder having a wife outside of the congregation can lead to resentment.

    Couples have challenges. Cars break down, jobs are lost, children act up... I would hate to think he'd have nowhere to turn. I already hate that we wouldn't be able to go to the same spiritual source for support.

    You bring up an important point. It is easier make a mixed marriage work in the times of "for better... in health... for richer", but when life leads to "for worse... in sickness... for poorer" people revert to their inner self. Your moral compass guides your response to difficulty and crisis, so dealing with difficult times is harder for marital partners with conflicting spiritual backgrounds.

    Consider this worst-case scenario (may it never happen to you!) Suppose one of the children was in an accident, and the hospital determines that a blood transfusion is needed. You say "yes", the Watchtower says "no," and your spouse faces a dilemna. If you marry a Witness, this is a real possibility, not just a hypothetical situation. Are you (plural) prepared to face it?

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