So if you tell a JW they were raised in a cult...

by NeverKnew 49 Replies latest jw friends

  • NeverKnew

    Problemaddict, if he does run to them, might that be a good thing? Never having been a MS or elder, he hasn't seen or experienced the things that people like "AuntConnie" are seeing and experiencing. I think he may have a very delusional picture of this group. Using rationale, WT books, and reading the Bible in context seems to have absolultely no impact at all. He's sold - hook line and sinker.

    Let me share something with you. I was in an abusive marriage at one time but didn't know it (sound familiar?). I had creative ways of writing off my husband's irrational behavior when I would discuss my challenges with those who loved me. Eventually, I found myself isolated and tired of the BS. I had cut off everyone who could have helped me because "they just didn't get him like I did." It was then that I had to deal with the walls I had built FOR him and decide whether I was going to continue to allow his inconsistencies to impact my life. It was when I had to deconstruct myself that I was able to create boundaries for what I was going to allow to be acceptable.

    He acknowledges a few concerns (which I've capitalized on when appropriate), but I suspect he hasn't seen the worst. He tells me they are starting to recognize him for more privileges and that he's showing them he's reaching out for them. I'm thinking I can't save him from himself. He has to do some of this work. My love for him can't insist on its own way.

    I promise you, AuntConnie is sitting in the middle of crossroads I'm somewhat familiar with... hers are messier, but there comes a point when one has to say enough is enough.

    If my thinking is flawed, tell me.

  • DesirousOfChange

    He tells me they are starting to recognize him for more privileges

    WTF? He is an active JW and still dating a worldly woman?

    This doesn't add up.


  • NeverKnew

    HAHAHAHA!!!! YEP! He and I dated in the 90's before he was an active JW. Circumstantially, we ended up in other relationships but still loved each other. After marrying another woman (worldly too) and falling on very hard times, he ran straight for baptism without her. They divorced a few years ago.

    We ran into each other last year. He's been praying that I'd "get" the doctrines and he sincerely believed that once I was baptised (yeah, he made that leap) we would live in this truth happily ever after.

    Unfortunately for him, I'm an empty nestor with nothing to do BUT research and needless to say, my baptism ain't happening.

  • NeverKnew

    OH, and nobody knows about me which yes, I'm insulted by...

  • moshe

    The JW was a lost cause- tomorrow will be a better day without the JWs inserting themselves into your life-

  • Think About It
    Think About It
    OH, and nobody knows about me which yes, I'm insulted by...

    You seem too good for him. Please do yourself a favor and get out of a relationship with a JW believer while you still can. He can always find you again if he leaves this cult behind, unless of course you haven't found someone better by then.

  • happytobefree


    I was a non baptized JW (still believed) and then married a nonJW and got baptized. I was a total arrogant arse...who was not capable of loving him because of the JW beliefs.

    jamiebowers..likens a JW to an alcoholic ( this is a true statement). Alcoholics/JW's are not capable of having a healty emotional relationship.

    I know it may hurt now...but you are better off not being in this unhealty relationship. He just is not capable of loving in the control of the religion. And trying to change him is very codependent behavior on your part.

    I say run and run fast if he still believe the JW's are the troof.

  • NeverKnew

    Codependent behavior? Uh... I've got a lot more going on than him. But thanks for the advice!

    TAI, you're a Sweetheart... :)


    I am sorry you are going through this. The cult ruins a lot of things. I knew a girl once who was just smitten with me, and there was a spark, a real spark between us. I ignored my feelings and her because she was worldly. I was married less than a year later. I ran into her in public, it was pretty sad. I still think about her from time to time.

    Be glad that you have not been married for a couple of decades and THEN learned TTATT. It's hell...

  • NeverKnew

    IF I remember correctly DD, your wife is still in?

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