How are you? How is Mrs Claus? I hope everyone, from
the reindeers to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good
boy this tear. I would like ab x-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV
and an iPhone 4 for Xmas. I hope you remerber that come
Christmas Day. Merry Christmas. Timmy Jones
Thank you for your letter. Mrs Clausm the reindeers and elves
are all fine and thank you for asking. Santa is a little worried
all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa
wouldn,t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good
boy, I think I,ll bring you something you can go outside and play
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract set
by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way
clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn,t
want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don,t
you think that A jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man
who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria" need
I remind you that Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a
guarantee of sevice provided. Should you wish to pursue legal
action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my
attorny's have been on retainer ever since th Burgermeister
Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take
you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to
will not only improve your health, but also improve your social
skills and potentially help clesr up a complexion that looks
like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly yours, Santa.
Now look here Fat man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks
and my freinds into this. Now you just be disrespecting me.
I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for
your fat ass and I.m taking my game console, my phone and
whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
(Santa)LISTEN PIZZA fACE.
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house
in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a
skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you,re
sleeping; He knows when you,re awake". Sound familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my
disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around th world
and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right
now, you,d throw up your Totino.s pizza roll all over the
carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what
you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp
a mud hole in you're ass and then walk it dry. Chew on
that, Petunia. S Clizzy
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
That's what I thought you little baster.