Says he spent weekend, but didn't have sex

by rollercoaster 15 Replies latest social relationships

  • rollercoaster

    O.K., this is a long story. I was married to a JW, (I am a JW) he left me, and I begged him not to go, he went to where his x-wife lives for work, he says he spent the weekends at her place, but didn't sleep with her. 3 months later, he came back, and I let him stay, then he left me again. This time I would not let him come back. In the mean time, my mother tells me that his x-wife had called her looking for my spouse because they were to ger married. My spouse divorced me, I refused to sign the papers. Now I have to prove that he had sex with his x-wife. I have no help from the elders, because I want to re-marry and the man is not a JW. If I remarry without proof, I can be df'd.

  • RR

    Well then, wait for your x-husband to remarry, then you will be free, because he was the one who committed the sin.

    Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night.

  • ZazuWitts


    What a mess! It's terrible your elders
    and taking such a hard stand with you.
    Your ex divorced you! What were his grounds for doing so?....Was HE disfellowshipped for not having JW
    based 'grounds'? Would they accept a statement from your mother re the fact that his ex called looking for him and claimed they were to remarry? I mean, this sort of indicates something intimate, at least to me. Is your new man a JW? - if not, maybe that's partly why they are being so unyielding - but then again, maybe they are just rigidly following society policy.

    I wish I had more to offer you - hopefully some of the ones who have had more "experience" with situations of this kind will have some appropriate advice to you.

    One thing for sure, sounds like you are better off having that jerk out of your life!

  • SixofNine

    It really isn't the elders business. It is YOU who have to be convinced, for YOU to be living according to YOUR beliefs. Any reasonable person would surmise that you are scripturally free if the story is as you put to us here.

    And hey, the bible does say that elders have to be reasonable men. If they are not, I say demote them! (in your own mind of course) ;)

    Why was it you refused to sign papers?

  • rollercoaster

    OK, I don't think I gave enough information on the subject. His x-wife married somone else before he could divorce me. He is a jerk. I met with the elders from the very beginning of this mess. (5 years now) and since he denies having an affair, I am stuck. He had no grounds for divorce. I was very faithful to him and he truth.
    Yes the man I am in love with now is not in the truth.
    I feel as though I have had no support from the elders. They seem to defend my x.

  • rollercoaster

    I refused to sign the divorce papers because the elders said I shouldn't since there was no gounds for divorce.(at that time I wasn't aware of his activities)Funny how they didn't tell my X that.

  • ZazuWitts


    Thank you - the added details do help.
    Well, you know the elders don't want you marrying an outsider! Personally, I'm with 'six of nine' - it's none of their business! Hey, they aren't living your life - alone, without the support of a spouse, loveless, etc.

    Well, what it might come down to is this - marry your man, let them disfellowship you (I know it's hard), then grovel for a year and be reinstated. Shouldn't have to be this way, should it?

    BTW, on this forum, many of us are in various stages of belief/disbelief regarding the Watchtower Society and their doctines. But, we would respect your right to believe what you choose to, and give you the best advise that we can. There are some men here that are/were elders and maybe they will have some advise for your situation.

    Shameful that the elders took 'the man's' side those five years ago - and now they can't back down - but it is a patriarical organization - women are good for knocking on doors and selling/placing literature and being the good 'little woman' in more ways than one. Sorry, don't mean to offend you - but it is too true!

  • rollercoaster

    Thanks Zazu, I need some advice from elders. Some ammunition if you will. How could Jehovah approve of what's happened. It just amazes me that this man can get all of the support from the Bros. because he claims mental illness. It's like a license to do wrong. He has been married so many times it isn't funny. After he left me, he said he was mentally ill, and went to a doctor. He just doesn't want to be responsible for his actions.
    I don't want to be df'd because of the affect it would have on my child, and the few friends I do have that are JW.

  • waiting

    hello rollercoaster,

    , I need some advice from elders

    Imho, you need advice from intelligent persons, period. And you won't find any more intelligent and insightful than Zazu. I come in about 5th around here, but that's still a lot smarter and insightful than most elders. Well, 6th maybe.

    Nice to meet you. Been in the place you are - couldn't prove grounds on my first husband for a while. I choose to let it go on and not see reality for a long time. Elders had helped raised him (really raised by his grandparents because his mom was mental). They had a soft spot for the creep.

    Your elders, imo, are not going to give you leeway to marry an unbeliever, trust me on that one. You do not have grounds, what do you want them to do? You have no proof, ex's denies it, elders like him, you're in love with another man.

    You have two choices: 1. Wait to catch ex and prove sex sin. 2. Marry the guy you love and be df'd because you married with no grounds for divorce from first husband.

    The situation sucks, true. But so does being in a religion which makes you make choices as 1. & 2.

    Come back and visit. Lots of us have been through situations as yours. How old are you and your child btw? Makes a big difference. What country do you live in & are you in a small community? Is your family in the organization? All these have a bearing on you & your child.


  • frittin

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