what started you to doubt?

by Imbue 12 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Imbue

  Only 8 replies, I can't believe you apostates don't want to share this about yourselves. You've probably done this one before but, refresh our memories

  Crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
• 

  patio34

  Thanks Imbue for starting this thread. I always enjoy reading others' reasons and telling my own.

  To begin with, when i studied with the JWs 30 years ago, i felt evolution and atheism were viable, altho i was a catholic. But the JWs convinced me that evolution wasn't possible and i didn't read any non-JW books on evolution (BIG mistake!).

  So it was the issue of evolution that brought me to the JWs. We studied the evolution book instead of the "Truth" book.

  And 28 long years later it was the evolution issue that brought me back to reality.

  I was watching the Disney movie "Dinosaur" with my grandson and it just hit me like a bolt of lightning: there is no way a loving creator could have created such vicious animals. I decided then (FINALLY) to read books by non-Creationists on evolution and atheism. And quit going to meetings as it was too weird to read those books and go to meetings.

  Then within a very short time of reading and investigation, the whole thing fell like a house of cards.

  I called my sister, Waiting, and asked her about it and she sent me a bunch of stuff in the overnight mail (books and printouts) and hooked me up to Simon's.

  I have never gone back or even considered it.
• 

  Sunspot

  Like so many others here, LOTS of things bothered me, but I thought it was MY misunderstanding, or MY fault that things/practices/rules made me uncomfortable.

  Sometimes even little things irritated the hell out of me......like EVERY year, having to sit through that condescending list of "do's and don'ts" on our "expected" behavior at District Conventions. Also being told which ONE we were supposed to attend. I used to inwardly groan when the Convention site was miles away, like in Canada, or ANYWHERE too far to drive back and forth to attend.

  Trying to save enough money for the rooms (5 kids) travel, food for the whole time, money for the kids for entertainment; whatever, after
  the sessions, new clothes for everyone....it WAS a burden for a lot of us.

  And 90% of the time, the Conventions came at the SAME TIME as hubby's (non JW) vacation, when we could have ALL enjoyed going away to do something FUN as a family, but no, here I was, taking myself and the kids off to an "enjoyable" assembly...lucy me. I resented it more and more as the years went by.

  When I was baptized, many members of my family disowned me, and told me I wasn't "in the family" any more, and I stayed away from ANY family functions for 26 years. A dear cousin had written to me by then, and personally invited me to our family reunion in MA, assuring me that the nastiness towards me was limited to a very small number of people and SHE wanted me there, so I went.

  NATURALLY, the date of this much-anticipated reunion and the Circuit Assembly coincided, and I went to the reunion. At the next Book Study, Elder B asked why I missed that wonderful assembly (he lives right up the road from me, and KNEW we'd gone away for the weekend) and I told him I'd gone to a family function for the first time in 26 years, and his reply (in record time) was....YOUR FAMILY was in Rochester listening to instruction from Jehovah!!!)

  My elation and joy of the weekend was smacked down, and I was supposed to feel guilty I guess, but I felt ANGER and resentment (of course, HIS entire family are all JWs, so he gets to SEE them all, new babies, etc, all the time)

  The lack of love was THE biggest factor that "got" to me, being ignored for months due to disabilities (except for phone calls to get my Field Service Report) but it just went on and on and I got pissed.

  At that point, along with many other things that were going on, ( four of my adult children got together for a few days and a few beers, I'd say, on vacation together after being scattered all over the country for a few years) and had discussed their JW upbringing and their anger-embarrassment-resentment of school days, etc. The end result was that they repaid me by not speaking to me (or returning email) and blamed me for everything from teen-age acne to failed love affairs....and there was NO reasoning with them. I cried for weeks, but still defended the "beliefs" the way I should.

  The WAY I found out how my kids were belatedly pissed at me? My mother-in-law (the only "mother" I had since mine had disowned me in 1972)had died in MA, and I had tried to call/email my kids to let them know (great timing) and then it all hit the fan.

  By THIS time I'm a basket case, and went on H20....and decided to LOOK at the information that different ones were providing, to prove the lies and manipulation that I had rejected and wouldn't look at before.......the Jimmy Swaggart "thing" was my first real slap in the face--my dose of reality. More followed of course.

  I'd sit up nights with the blinds closed, after hubby was asleep, and just pore over site after site (Shaun's, Kent's, Randy's, Gator's and many more)getting more and more upset and devastated as I learned how badly I had been duped, and what I had put my entire family through all these years. And for WHAT.......a stinkin' lying publishing company. Give ME an "A" for stupid. I'll take my award and leave.

  Sorry, but this is one of those deeply felt and pain filled topics that I can't answer in 10 words or less...... (I HEARD that out there-LOL) My kids (the ones who CAN and DO) still won't celebrate holidays with me, due to "feeling uncomfortable" about it. But that's another whole topic for another time.

  Thanks, everyone, for bearing with me and thanks to Simon for a place to be ABLE to "get it out there".

  Annie

  Shredded families and ruined lives;
  The WBTS has MUCH to answer for......

  Hugs,

  Sunspot