Sounds like a preview of my upcoming non-Thanksgiving visit with JW relatives.
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It isn't my home anymore...
by cedars 55 Replies latest members private
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cedars
Thanks again to everyone for the encouraging comments. I should say that I realize my experience is nothing new to many of you, and in many ways my current relationship with my JW family is fuller than that of many of you who are being shunned. I don't mean for one moment to suggest that my experiences are worse than anyone else's - far from it. I also realize that things will get better once I come to terms with the situation. I only write about it because the whole thing is still relatively new to me, and I therefore felt the need to get some feedback to reassure me that I'm not alone in experiencing this - which is precisely what has happened from the remarks so far.
Even though many ex-JWs go through far worse problems with their family (including full shunning), I still can't help but be frustrated that a damaging cult should have such a controlling influence on my family life, and specifically my family's perception of me. It's profoundly unsettling to think that my relationship with my family is irrevocably altered by nothing more than what is going on in people's brains, and our individual perceptions of reality based on what we have learned or been told by others.
I'm sure I'll get used to it. I guess I'm still very much in the early stages of my awakening considering that I only fully awoke last year (2011), so many of these experiences are still new to me. I'm sure with time I will learn to accept these things, but that doesn't mean I have to like it - and it certainly doesn't make it fair. Seeing my young relatives in the early stages of indoctrination was particularly troubling, because they have all of this ahead of them.
Cedars
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Heaven
My relationship with them will ALWAYS be superficial. Furthermore, no matter what I do online or how many people read my articles, I am powerless to help my own family members. This is a deeply frustrating realization to come to, but the sooner I get used to it, the better.
I remember coming to this very realization years ago. I had to accept that the relationship with my JW family members was not going to be the relationship I wanted and wished for. It is heart wrenching.
We as unbelievers suffer from 2 deaths when we have JW family. The first is the death of the relationship that we really should have with them ... the second is when they actually physically die.
All I can say is that I refused to let this cult take away my family so I've fought hard with myself to try to adapt and come up with a methodology that would work. I set boundaries which they would constantly cross and when they did I would give them my own thoughts on the religion. I made it a rule for myself that I would never start a subject related to JW stuff but if they wanted to go there, then I would not hold back. However, getting angry does not work. So I accepted that they have the right to their Religion as the laws of the country we live in state. And I adopted a method of being loving and kind but firm and honest. Getting rid of the judgmental attitude you have been brought up with takes time and effort. I would never attack their religion or doctrine outright but I would use the Bible and known facts to point out fallacies. I also had to limit my exposure at times because they went through a particularly mean-spirited phase. Aging as a JW smacks in the face of their belief that they will never grow old. Older JWs have a difficult time with the fact that one day they are going to die. But they all have to face this reality eventually.
Anyone that has been in this religion for a while knows something's not right with it. When you've experienced at least one or more doctrinal changes, something starts nagging at you. They have that splinter in their mind. I've seen this with my folks.
Maybe, cedars, one day, your family will wake up. If that happens, then I hope you still have some semblance of a relationship with them to be there for them and help them.
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goodsoul
Dear Cedar!
Yesterday I felt the same feelings..It isn't my home anymore.. It looks like it was my last meeting..I don't want to go there anymore. My wife is crying. She is not ready yet. But me definately yes. 12 years as baptized, 8 years regular pioneer,7 years elder, Service overseer and have to pick up Theocratic ministry school overseer`s responsibilities. All my family active JW,- elders, pioneers and bethelites. A lot of 'friends' across the world. I don't know how will look like my new life without watchtower. But I feel free and confident with my TRUE Christian Freedom..
..sorry, it's my first post.. -
Refriedtruth
True I have now FIVE GENERATIONS of Jehovah's Witnesses family (I am third gen) that hate my apostate guts.
My mother died of alzheimer's and I was not allowed to see or care for her.The JW family are NOT happy dubs they are miserable poor and I was always the family anchor that they could call on for help or ask for a monetary loan.
This family wrecking Watchtower religion is demonic.
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Balaamsass
Somehow I missed this thread. Cedars...I have experienced the same feelings. Family reunions feel like a visit to a Stepford Wives re-run.
Ohh did you see cousin .......or cousin....... letter from " 3 world backwater" they have sooo many studies now. "did you read this weeks Watchtower?
What congregationa are you in? Yada yada yada.
The funny thing is the worst ones about all that are the "slacker JWs", the current and ex missionaries - or anyone who has been at Bethel seem cool about it...they have all seen a lot.
Sorry about your experience. I had a JW I have known for over 30 years confide to me he was "reading a site by a "cedars" guy who sounds like a good brother." He also told me he read JWfacts "boy that guy got the shaft".
Soooo you made an impression on someone you never met on the other side of the planet!!-