I'm beginning to lose it!!! Update on my situation

by marriedtoajw 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  marriedtoajw

  Vanderhoven7 said

  Were you baptized into the religion? -- No, only attended 4 meetings in 20 years, I let my wife know early this was a joke...

  Are you currently attending some meetings? No...

  Does your wife love/respect you and consider your feelings as important -- She use to, not so much anymore...

  Do your children relate well to you? -- My other kids do relate very much to me, more so than my wife..

  Lastly, do you have any religious convictions? -- Bingo... I was raised Catholic and I did have very strong convictions in the beginning of our marriage. I wanted to take it seriously. Many in my family are devout, some not but I wanted to be. Many of you think Catholicism is as silly as the WT, but I've struggled for years in some of teachings of the Church but can relate better to it than the WT, but I have always had trouble commiting to anything without my wife.
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  ruderedhead

  Married, I am going to jump ahead here because I am cutious about this and ask you if you wife was also too intoxicated to drive when you got your DUI? If she was,that is a no-no in jw land.( even tho they do get intoxicated anyway). If she was sober, why wasn't she driving? Married, you have been given some excellent advice here. I hope you can heed some of it, especially finding affordable counseling and AA if your drinking is still an issue. It sounds as though you have been an excellent father and husband. You have seen to it that your children have had experiences outside of the normal jw childhood program, and they will thank you for that one day, I'm certain! Your 21 y.o. son is a young adult who has to make his own decisions and sometimes life is the best teacher. I seriously doubt his grandparents will allow him to live there jobless for very long. It hurts when they grow up, your feelings are normal. Please continue to keep your younger ones occupied with non-jw activities, and, if possible, find a church you like and begin attending, insisting that the children go with you every other time. Exert your headship status when your wife objects. It sounds like you have been very complacent during your entire marriage, so this will be a shock to her. Do study the doctrines so you can be prepared to defend why you are going. Many churches have people who will help you with understanding the Bible, and their doctrines. Hopefully you will be able to keep your other children from becoming too involved in the jw's. It may be time for your wife to finally pitch in financially with a part time job if you are working 50-60 hour weeks and are still having a hard time. I realize it is difficult for someone who has not worked in years to find a job, but retailers and some other places will hire Moms going back into the work place. Something is better than nothing, and I know more than a few women who have had to do this. All the best to you. Be strong!
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  marriedtoajw

  ruderedhead said - Please continue to keep your younger ones occupied with non-jw activities, and, if possible, find a church you like and begin attending, insisting that the children go with you every other time. Exert your headship status when your wife objects. It sounds like you have been very complacent during your entire marriage, so this will be a shock to her.

  I will continue to have my kids in activities. Finding a Church is difficult for me which has made what you rightly point out, my complacency even more difficult. I was a nominal Catholic for many of my early years of marriage. I questioned the validity of the Catholic Church's teachings regarding the sacraments. I've blamed the sacraments as being a crutch whcih caused nominalism. Catholics I knew felt right with God because they were baptized and had their sacraments but who were lving immoral lives and rarely went to Church or even understood what the Church's teachings were. Yet I also believe that sola scriptura is untenable. If I were to list my current beliefs, I would have to say that no denomination I know of would line up to them. That doesn't mean that I might be wrong on this or that, and I'm sure many of you would say it's all wrong. The kneelers on statues in the Catholic Church bother me too and the ideas of idolatry creep in. Yet there are scriptures that talk about obeying the leaders of the Church. Be obedient to those who are taking the lead among you and be submissive, for they are keeping watch over your souls as those who will render an account; that they may do this with joy and not with sighing, for this would be damaging to you. (Hebrews 13:17. Now I know there are other scripture used to illustrate that man is not to follow blindly, etc, just don't need to get into that kind of discussion now but I do beleive that a visible authority other than the scriptures is absolutely necessary, otherwise verses like this quoted have no basis. It would mean, "well I'll be obedient as long as they teach what I think the scriptures say". It makes everyone an authority unto themselves. Anyhow, thank you for your comments so far.
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  panhandlegirl

  transhuman68, I loved this writing you posted. It describes exactly what I tried to tell my husband about our children. We don't own them, they belong to themselves.

  On Children
  Kahlil Gibran

  I cannot give you any better advice than you have already received but because I have rasied two children I would like to comment on that.I don't know if you have ever heard the song "Leader of the Band." It's a song written by Dan Fogelberg as a tribute to his musician father. In the song Fogelberg wrote: "I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go." It's hard to let our children go, but they need to discover life for themselves. They will come back to you, especially if you give them good reasons to come home. You have had influence on your son, he won't forget the things you taught him and the times you shared. Keep the communication with him open. He will likely be more like you than you know. Take care. As I said you have received good advice from these posters We are here for you.