I would like to take this opportunity to give a brief account of the events that I have had to under go over the last 5 weeks. I have been a Jehovah’s Witness for 38 years and all of my close family are currently active JW’s. I got married to my wife in March 1999, she was a baptized witness and had been for over 30 years. Prior to getting married she confessed that she had been having an adulteress relationship with prominent elder in a local congregation where we live in the North West of England. At this moment I didn’t want to damage our relationship any further by exposing what had been going on for over 20 years to the elders, She also put me under great mental strain to keep it all concealed. The elder in question had been seeing her for over 20 years in this time he had been serving as an elder and undertaken all the duties of an elder including judicial committees where he was disfellowshipping others for the same sins he was committing. The same elder was taking the watchtower, book studies giving talks at conventions etc, he was well respected and appointed by holy spirit !!!!!.
As I write this account I have had to attend a judicial committee last week where I was disfellowshipped for covering over my wife’s sins and the elder in question, both my wife and the elder have been disfellowshipped. The judicial committee have given me 7 days to appeal against the decision to which I feel very aggrieved. I would like to point out at this time that I have had my doubts about the WTS for a number of years and this is obviously the last nail in the coffin.
Over the last few days I got in touch over the phone with the presiding overseer of my congregation to ask for his advice on appealing against the decision. I was promised that no other elder would know the details of my case by the elders making up the judicial committee, so I was assuming the presiding overseer would not know the details of the case but could offer me advice. To my surprise he knew exactly what was going on and informed me that there was no reason to appeal because no committee would over turn the decision. He also went on to say that because I was asking for advice this was a sign of unrepentance. This loving shepherd of Jehovah’s congregation rather than offering help and loving advice and counsel had a tone of anger in his voice to the point of disgust. During the conversation I requested that the grounds for my disfellowshipping be put in writing because I couldn’t fully understand what they were, his reply to this was that it was out of the question to do so but I had to put my appeal in writing to them.
I have now spoken to the chairman of the committee and told him I would be appealing against the decision to which he was shocked. I have spoken to all the elders who were at the committee over the last week and each has given me a varied response. One elder said that I could be a ministerial servant if I make it back another said I was getting the raw end of the deal and the whole affair had become wide knowledge throughout the circuit so had to be brought to a stop, another elder said that I had to confess my sins to Jehovah’s channel on earth the elder arrangement. When asked whom the body of elders confess there sins to he replied that they confess to Jesus Christ and are answerable only to him.
My course of action now is to search for legal advice regarding taking the congregation of Jehovah’s witnesses to court on the grounds of defamation of character and mental abuse, which has resulted in me regularly visiting a psychiatrist and taking medication. Since the story of the Bryant family has become public knowledge it pains me to see others going through this mental torture to the point of suicide. From my own experience over the last 30 years of being a witness and especially at this time when I have been cast out of the congregation and my family put under intense pressure to shun me, I can personally see how easy it is to end ones life. I feel that there are so many of us who have stories to tell but just require the right channel to get our stories in the public eye. I would welcome any suggestions on newspaper and television reporters who would like to hear my story, maybe this could lead to others giving there accounts. I would also like to know if there are any solicitors in the North West of England who may have dealt with possible cases similar to this against religious organisations.
My wifes affair of over 20 years with local elder!
by ukexjw 28 Replies latest jw friends
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ukexjw
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slipnslidemaster
1.) Stay here. Continue to post here on the board. Welcome!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!
2.) Immediately drop any contact with any member of any congregation elder body. All contact that you feel compelled to make, do so in writing.
3.) Continue seeing your qualified therapist and talk to them and us here on the board continually.
4.) Read the Greek scriptures. Alone with no other help. Just read it, absorb it. Think about Jesus and his love. Now, compare to the elders and what they just did to you.
5.) Start down the road to letting yourself recover from systematic brainwashing for the last 38 years.
Some of this takes time but in the end, you will be ok. It WILL hurt for a little while, but you WILL see relief.
Remember the steps of loss:
Denial
Anger
Hopelessness
Bargining
AcceptanceYou need to go through each one fully, but you WILL be ok.
Slipnslidemaster: "Easter so longed for is gone in a day."
- James Howell -
Ivor Hope
Hi ukexjw
I can only guess at the anguish you are being put through by this arrogant, self righteous, hypocritical organisation and their "Star Chamber"!!!!
How they have the gaul to dewmand you put your appeal in writing whilst refusing to put their decision to you in writing is amazing. How they can punish you, the victim, for the actions of one of their "elite" begs belief.
Double standards, double standards and more double standards!!
If they want something in writing, get your letter of disassociation in to them as soon as possible - that way you are in control, you are calling the shots! Don't give them the satisfaction of kicking you out - you take control and tell them to shove their little committees into a place where the sun doesn't shine.
Hope you come through this OK. Just remember, despite what they try to tell you, there are people out there who will stand by you.
Even though the B-Org may desert you, Jehovah won't and neither will your true friends.
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Oldhippie
I know it is too little too late, however if you get your appeal perhaps you could use the Joseph defense. Tell them you were only following Joseph's example in protecting your wife. When Joseph found out that Mary was pregnant he set about to divorce her quietly so as to avoid shaming her.
Good luck on the appeal. I am sure it happens but I have never heard of a decision to disfellowship being overturned. I know you hate to be wronged w/o a fight but this could be your chance to free yourself. -
Geordie
Welcome.
I cant imagine what you have been going through.
It is true that you are not alone, but i imagine from your story that it may take sometime for you to realise that. Pls visit this site regularly. You will read many accounts of pain, suffering and HYPOCRACY endured by many ex-JW's. You will also read many accounts of ppl finaly reaching the "light at the end of the tunnel".
If you are still at a loss as to why they want you out of the Kingdom Hall my personal view is that they are trying to shut you up. "Admit you are wrong and well say nothing more about it". Well B*GGER THAT.
Good luck and thank you for telling this story.
Pls keep us informed of further developements in your life.My heart goes out to you at this awfull time.
P.S. Im in west yorks. probably not that far from you.
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KJV
ukexjw,
If you don't appeal and decide to sue you need to let the elders know that you are suing them, not the Society. The Society will not help these elders finacially, they will be on their own. Thus they will announce "that you no longer believe as one of Jehovah's witnesses", which is the same as disfellowshipped. Elders don't want to be sued and if you have the finacial means you need to talk to an attorney. It's sad that you have to endure this crap just because you wanted to protect your wife's privacy.
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herbert
ukexjw,
This last winter a journalist, Stephen Bates, for the Manchester Guardian wrote some excelllent articles on JWs. Apparently there is also interest in the JWs from a prominent BBC program.
I don;t know if it would do any good - but I would strongly suggest writing to Mr Bates who is actually a member of this board. His email is:
He seems very responsive to JW issues.
here's a link to on eof his articles too: http://www.thetablet.co.uk/cgi-bin/archive_db.cgi?tablet-00577
You might have to register, but it's free.
herbert
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Nathan Natas
What pure hell you have been living in! I offer you my sympathies.
It is important, I think, that you sieze authority over your own life now - do not let the WTS "elders" (or "untrained volunteers" according to the WTS public relations department) dictate ANY terms or conditions to you.
Consider speaking to an attorney and explore the possibilities of bringing legal action against the individual "elders" for their mistreatment of you and the damage they have brought against your good name. Here in the USA there is a term - "intentional infliction of emotional distress" that may apply in your case.
Please continue to visit here, and read the experiences of others, talk to us when you feel like talking.
My best wishes to you,
- Nathan Natas, UADNA
(Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America) -
garybuss
I found out that if I play with skunks long enough, eventually I get pissed on.
The only surprising thing to me about a skunk is if they don't piss on me.
gb -
Beck_Melbourne
Hi ukexjw
First of all...thank you for posting your experience on the board and allowing us to the opportunity to get to know you.
As for a legal case...I don't know how UK law compares to Australia law...but my understanding is, that unless you can prove that you have suffered financial loss as a result of them defaming your name and character, you may have a difficult case. I understand that you are considering claiming medical costs...but you may also need to prove that your ability to earn income has suffered as a result of their activities. For example, I think Robert Bryant could have had a defamation case. Being a self employed Landscaper, his business suffered and he was declared bankrupt as a result of his 'shunning' and DF'ing from the congregation. Most of his clientele were JW...and as a consequence of the shunning...his business crumbled. I'm not 100% sure, but it seems to me that his financial situation was a result of the defaming of his good name.
I agree wholeheartedly with Nathan....u should contact a solicitor...and investigate another nature of claim...'intentional infliction of emotional stress' is a good one...I'm not sure how that would compare to UK Law but it is definitely worth exploring.
Good luck with your pursuits and like Nathan said, seize authority over your own life now!! All the best.
Beck