by Vanderhoven7 50 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
Hah! #5 - D - either:
"you and your wife made love in the wrong way..."
Or,
"you couldn't figure out the current teachings on 'fractions of fractions of fractions of blood', and were foolish enough to accept some sort of transfusion at the hospital..."
On second thought, maybe that second one should be #4, C...
"4. when all your friends stop speaking to you because you:
a. grew a beard.
b. visit web sites critical of the Watchtower
c. ..."
Excellent additions...but will we run out?
You know you are in the wrong religion:
1. when the all important question is not: "Do you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ?"....but...."Do you believe in the "Faithful and Discreet Slave" appointed in 1919?"
2. when you will be refused baptism if:
a. you don't believe Jerusalem was destroyed in 607 BC when all non-JW scholars, all encyclopedias and all history books say this event took place in 587 BC.
b. you, like Cornelius, are a member of the military.
c. you, like Daniel, Joseph and the Ethiopian eunuch hold political office.
d. you don't believe the apostles went door-to-door and that Christians are required to do the same.
e. you don't believe there the majority of Christians running around today are not part of the New Covenant, do not have a heavenly hope, and are not Spirit-begotten or born again.
f. you don't believe that finding and serving in the right organization (the one with headquarters in Brooklyn) is necessary to escape eternal destruction at Armaggeddon.
g. your hair is too long
h.
3. when:
a.window-washing, JC Penny suit-wearing elders insist that THEY carry out and handle cases of child abuse and NOT the trained authorities.
b. your organization holds NGO status in the Beast of Revelation for 10 years running.
c. your leaders have a 100% failure rate interpreting biblical prophecy...except of course when it comes to invisible stuff.
d. you have to surrender your conscience to men.
e. independent thinking is labeled as sin.
f. you are to encourage everyone else to question their religion, but are forbidden to question your own.
g. you are told not to look into the past history, or failed predictions because that would not be " encouraging ".
h. your religion enforces medical quackery such as forbidding vaccinations or organ transplants.
i. you are forbidden to celebrate birthdays because thousands of years ago, somebody died at a birthday party.
j. you are constantly told to wait on Jehovah for answers to your scriptural questions and doubts.
k. You are not allowed to be baptized because your hair is too long (male)
l. victims have to jump thru hoops to expose a pedophile
m. you have shunned your own children for the last 25+ years.
n. you just had to supress the thought that you might be in the wrong religion.
o. a generation can last over 100 years.
p. you are denied life saving medical treatments.
q. you are taught to distrust your own thoughts.
r. you are told to shun your own family.
s. you were told you didn't need college because you would not have time for a career in this system and now you a card carrying member of AARP.
t. you can't figure out the current teachings on which 'fractions of fractions of fractions of blood' are acceptable to Jehovah.
u. you find out that and your wife made love in the wrong way.
4. when all your friends stop speaking to you because you:a. grew a beard.
b. visit web sites critical of the Watchtower
c.
5. when you will be disfellowshipped (spiritually executed) if
a. you don't agree that rejecting the authority men in Brooklyn is worthy of excommunication and shunning ex-JW family members.
b. you disagree with any doctrinal position or change handed down from the current governing body in New York.
c. you engage in any behavior that could be labeled as "brazen", and you refuse to "repent" when called before a kangaroo court.
d. you allow your child to have a blood transfusion to save his or her life.
Humorous Additions: You know your in the wrong religion:a. when you see the words "Jehovah" and "Witness" in its title
b. when you regularly hear the word "pioneer" used as a verb...
c. when you find out that all your pioneer friends shop at Goodwill, too.
d. your car now qualifies for antique plates-- no sense buying a new one when Armageddon is coming- very soon!
e. your Harry Potter Books are kept hidden under a quilt, behind the cat box in the furnace room
f. you casually say "i don't think the governing body is the true channel" the room gets quiet they all look at you pointing and screaming your cover is blown the alien controlled humans are chasing you the last remaining human who still has a human brain.
That chart posted by LostGeneration is absolutely brilliant!
Hi Bible Check,
Where is the chart? I'd like to see it.
Perhaps I can add the info to the poll thread (see post 303) at 183805.1
You know you are in the wrong religion when...
Your purchase of a 2-door car is seen as a sign of spiritual weakness.
... when you are never sure at what point today's WT study article will become apostate literature.
You know you are in the wrong religion or group when:
1- You are afraid to leave because of the consequences.
VanderHoven7, the chart's on page 2 of your thread - it just takes a while to load...
when, there's a high probability you will keep obsessing about it online should you leave
Vanderhoven,
The generation chart can be found here: http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/generation.php
Scroll down a bit and its on the right hand side.
