Conversing With a Disfellowshipped Elder

by Quendi 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • Quendi
    Quendi

    I want to relate this experience I had on Monday, 24 September and get others’ thoughts on it.

    As some of you know, I returned to Alabama six months ago after a thirty-one year absence. Until yesterday, I had made no effort to contact any of the Witnesses I knew from my earlier residence. However, my sister knew a man I had once been very friendly with and she called him and asked permission to give his phone number to me. The man agreed and I called him yesterday.

    He was glad to hear from me but the first thing he told me was that he was disfellowshipped. I told him that made no difference to me first, because I was disfellowshipped also and second, that even if I was in good standing I would not shun others. He relaxed and we talked.

    The upshot is that even though he has been out for nine years, he has decided to seek reinstatement. I told him that I had no intention of ever returning. That led to a long exchange between us with him urging me not to let “imperfect men” influence my decision to abandon “the Truth.” In turn, I told him my quarrel wasn’t with any particular individuals but with the organization itself, an organization that stood condemned for its hypocrisy and lies as well as the deleterious effect it has had on the lives of many people.

    Since he had once served as an elder, I let him have it with both barrels. I told him the entire judicial committee arrangement was unscriptural, that nowhere in the Bible could the Society’s procedures be found, outlined, or even hinted at. If he could show me just one passage where these star chamber tactics were endorsed, I told him, I would humble myself and return to the meetings.

    I then closed with this: “I have no wish to force my association or company on anybody, so if you want to break off all contact after this conversation, I’ll understand.” You can imagine my great surprise when he told me he wants to talk to me again. Now maybe he was simply saying that to make me feel better. For my part, I’d love to get together again, but I’m not holding my breath. But if we do meet, I imagine the conversation will be an intense one. I welcome any suggestions about what should be on the agenda.

    Quendi

  • WuzLovesDubs
    WuzLovesDubs

    I would imagine hes starving for conversation with someone who understands where he has been and what he is now going through. When we talk to people outside the borg about what our experiences are with it they are dumbfounded. I hope you do get to talk to him again. Find out why he wants to go back.

  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    Wow he's been out for nine years and still think it's the truth and wants to go back? Poor confused man

  • Momma-Tossed-Me
  • time2keepmoving
    time2keepmoving

    This person is probably going to go back into the organization, because that's all he knows. Good, Bad or indifferent. I don't know why you entertained him since he did not reach out to communicate with you after you left the organization, especially since you said you were good friends. He took your call because his status is the same as your now, but you know the deal if it wasn't.

    Now if he is successful at getting reinstated, he will cut off communication with you and act like that conversation never happened. IMO you are just wasting your time and good common sense on someone who already knows the system is heavily flawed but is still willing to go back. I would not try to reach out to him again. I suggest you move on and don't look back, allow room for healthy, balanced individuals to come into your life. Sometimes stepping back and messing with those people who are still in or clinging to this dying organization is regression not progression for YOU!

  • Momma-Tossed-Me
    Momma-Tossed-Me

    Keep up the fight....

  • maccauk11
    maccauk11

    its hard for some people because they think the congregation is their family. It took me about 8 years to shake myself free from it all

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    This person is probably going to go back into the organization, because that's all he knows.

    He is probably still feeling the "void" of what he remembers when he was an active Elder in the Org. Most Elders, and esp "prominent" ones have lots of friends. Many in the flock adore them, from little old sisters, to newly converted ones, etc. The old timers have learned that there isn't anything special about them, but if he was of the Clergy Class, he was probably showered with praise. Now that's gone, and even after 9 years, it is hard to find another group of "instant friends" (even if they are conditional friends).

    He probably committed some sin -- immorality, drunkedness, whatever -- and feels he deserves to be where he is -- DFd. He imagines that if he can overcome this "thorn in his flesh" he will be able to return to the sheepfold and everything will be the same again. Not likely true, but from all the fond memories he has, he thinks it will still be that way.

    Doc

  • RayPublisher
    RayPublisher

    Great job Quendi! It amazes me how many that are DFed are still "in" mentally and believe the WT koolaid despite being shunned, mistreated, etc.

  • Lozhasleft
    Lozhasleft

    Well done Quendi, lets hope you've made him rethink his plans at least. I think your honest straight talking is brilliant.

    Loz x

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit