This story is true, although there is some exaggeration about the actual conversations, the gist of the conversations are also true.
I'm 18 years old, emancipated and living 1,000 miles away from my parents. I'm still a dub and so are they.
My mother is crazy. My mother has always been crazy. She comes from a long line of people with a rich spiritual heritage of being whack jobs.
One day I get a phone call from her. After the usual greetings and guilt trips, she says:
"I think I know why you are all screwed up, Farkel."
"I'm not screwed up, Mom."
"Yes you are."
"No I'm not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"I'm certain you have something in your possession which is demonized(tm) and screwing you up."
"You mean my Playboy magazines, Mom?"
"YOU READ THOSE?!"
"I only get them for the articles."
"We'll talk about that later. I'm talking about that metronome your uncle gave you." (A metronome is a device which has an upside pendulum and is used to help musicians during practice to keep time with music.)
"My metronome isn't demonized, mom?"
"Yes it is. Your uncle is demonized, so that metronome he gave you has to be demonized."
"Mom, he gave that to me when I was in sixth grade!"
"Yes, and that's about the time you became screwed up."
"I'm NOT screwed up!"
"Are too. If you just get rid of it, you won't be screwed up anymore."
"Alright. Whatever you say, Mom."
...two weeks pass by and of course, I didn't get rid of the metronome...Mom calls again:
"Did you get rid of it?"
"Yes I did." (I lied)
"Do you feel better now?"
"Yes. MUCH better."
"See? Just trust in Jehovah. He knows what is best for you. Now about those Playboy magazines..."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Farkel