Crystal, your story was actually very interesting.
Welcome to the board!
My story. not that interesting but, I want to tell it.
by crystlew123 36 Replies latest jw friends
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ruderedhead
Crystle, you absolutely should NOT be embarrassed to seek help for something horrible that happened to you in the past. It was NEVER DEALT WITH. If your medical card allows for psychological health care, please avail yourself of it! You and your child deserve the healthiest life possible!
I hope you find a job soon. Sounds like you are doing all you can to make that happen. Al the best.
rudered
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smiddy
Welcome to the board
smiddy
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cantleave
That's one hell of a story - thanks for sharing and welcome!
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Fernando
Welcome Crystle!
I pray you make many fine friends here, and that you are blessed on your life's journey...
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MMXIV
Hi Crystle,
Thank you - very interesting story and your inability to use the letter a has made me smile. Your response to your father when "invited" to tell the elders about your experiences was simply perfect. What a wise, intelligent girl you were and brave! Great to hear you've gone on to get qualifications and a beautiful son!
I share your frustration at growing up with illogical beliefs, twisted moralties that you suffered so much from, isolation and hypocracy. I found I would sit down at dinner with my parents and say nothing, just eat and leave as we had nothing we agreed upon. The point when I felt free of it was when I stopped going to meetings and lived away from JWs.
Living back at home and seeing life from the different perspective of now having a son will drag up a lot more feelings of frustration I'm sure. Hang in there - it sounds like you've got your head screwed on right, you've got good prospects and part of your own small but great family.
mmxiv
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donny
Welcome to the board Crystle. Your story was a far cry from "not that interesting." I hope you find a lot of support and help here. When I read accounts like yours, it makes me realize how my struggle was much less intense.
Donny
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crystlew123
Thank all of you for your support and comments, (today my A works...im at work lol... Sitting on the reception desk with nothing better to do than run the internet!!!) I have thought about counseling- in fact went ot a therapist twice but never got past the first session (where they basicaly just figure out what you have done before etc...) I suffered really bad depression for several years and once called my mom in the middle of the night telling her i was going to take a bottleof tylonal pm and drink a bottle of tequila. yeah, my cousin who worked at behavioral health was over in like ten minutes and she lived 45 minutes away.
Basically I am on medication to control the depression, and yes its helping. Some nights I lay in bed and wonder if I can make it. But my little boy is the only reason I am still alive. ( hes also the reason I went back to school. Gotta give him everything I didnt have growing up) What would he do without me. he would grow up Jw is what would happen. I cant let that happen. His father would lose his rights and end up having no say in what happened to him (due to his situation for thelast ten years).
I am the youngest of 8 children my father had and the only one my mother had. ( ( have step bro's and sisters") They are all grown and never had to endure the JW life because my dad and mom didnt become JW until about a yearbefore I was born. My grandfather was a babtist preacher (back in 1920's on thru till he died) He told my dad he was abusing me. That the faith he had chosen was wrong and he shouldnt be raising a child in it. Of course my dad jus started discussing the bible with him, trying to indoctrinate him. Ha! that worked out well. LEts just say they argued more than studied. Lol. My other family members didnt agree either and when they herard I had left where surprised but happy and supportive.
I commited a great sin the other day .... I thought about going back. (GASP!) But then I popped online and found this forum again, saving me. I was lonely. Scared. Having douibts. Maybe Just maybe I could live the life. Skirt around the edges. Would my life be easier? Would being in Jehovahs organization make things better? I had to scour my brian, thinking of the reasons I had left, of the basic doctrines of the faith before I decided no, it wouldnt. I would hate myself. and I think my son would hate me too. He loves His birthday, and christmas....and holloween)
I had his birthday partty at my parents house this year- with thier permission. Of course, they were going out for the afternoon, date night I guess, going to see some fellow sisters and brothers. I had six kids , my ex his girlfriend and one of the kids parents.
I posted on FB that the party was at my house. the time. even that my parents were going out for the afternoon so it was PARTY TIME!Etc about a month before-hand. Guess what happened?
A JW found out the party was at the house. MY DAD AND MOM got called to a MEETING to find out why they were having a birthday party at thier house. I got called to the table for a family meeting and the situation explained to me. (yes i was still alowed to have a party at the house since my dad is big on promises) I asked who had "ratted" me out and why it was even thier business. (I suspect it was the next door neighbor who is also JW) My parents refused to tell me who it was. I said dont I have the right to face the accuser?
In any case becauseI have a few pictures of my son on facebook (security settings limit viewing to my family and his dads family) I also got chewed out.
Im still trying to figure out how any JW knew I was having said party because Ia m not friends with any JW on facebook. ALthough my aunt is, but she is not on my FB. She recently got chewed out for dating outside the truth, and my grandmother got counseled for celebrating her brithday (pics once agains posted on FB) I kinda wonder if my aunt snitched us all out? Or if one of her JW FB friends followed pages till they fou nd me. IT wouldnt be hard...afterall i Grew up in the congregation and in the same town I live in now. Everyone knows me. I did how ever [post a response on FB telling JW's to stay the f*ck outa my life and so on. It was rather a nasty rant. my neighbor hasnt said shit to me since that day. He used to at least wave and say hello, along with his daughter who was my friend growing up in the JW faith. I guess that seals the deal for me lol.
Ugh sorry. Venting again. I didnt meant this post to be so long.
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JWdaughter
Hi Crystal, I don't think your story is boring, it is interesting and we are all anxious to see where you go with it.
I would encourage you to seek a job away from your parents, maybe in a place where "the need is greater". Some areas are very underserved. I say this for your son's sake and yours. It is great to have the financial support of your parents, but you know they will always feel justified in the indoctrination as long as you live "under their roof".
However, you know what is best for you and your son, and if they aren't being too obnoxious, then that might be best. I don't know. I know I would die inside living with my mom-and her controlling the upbringing of my kids. And I adore my crazy mixed up mom!
You take care, sweetie. You are just about my son's age and if you need any encouragement, I hope you will always get it here and hopefully make some real friends and connectoins.
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wallsofjericho
Welcome!
GET YOUR SON OUT OF THAT HOUSE
Please, get him out. The guilt they are going to impose on him could take YEARS to fix
FYI - we all looked at the "spot" when we were kids. You aren't wierd or anything, you were just a normal healthy child being conditioned to think what is normal and healthy was wrong.
Thanks for sharing