Another New One

by notperfectyet 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • notperfectyet
    notperfectyet

    Wow! What a warm welcome, Thank you.

    I enjoy this site for it's acceptance of all humans, the one thing I have always been uncomfortable with "in the Truth" ( I hear you happytobefree :) ) was, and is the conditional love put on us. I have gone through years of therapy, trying to find out what was wrong with "me", why I always felt like an outsider, why I couldn't love enough, hate enough, at command. I wasted a lot of money, they all told me I was normal, I had a right to my feelings, going back to meetings, I was told I didn't have a right to my feelings, it was

    their feelings, ( the organizations ) or I was wrong. I couldn't shun someone who was df'd if I liked them, and didn't know what they did. My husband and father of my 3 children constantly cheated on me, but my ex father-in-law who was very well known, kept it all under "cover" and said it was my fault, never being submissive enough, not enough sex, sex was important to keep a man...( now don't get me wrong, I love sex but that's not what were talking about here ) I kept getting pregnant, and after 3 kids in 10 years, it is normal for a man to wander. My ex- mother in law was always very loving in taking me shopping to buy sexy lingerie, even at 8 months pregnant. It was always my fault. Of course it was, I had gotten fat, gained alot of weight, went from 105 lbs, to 130 after 3 kids. I am 5'5. In the '70's anorexia or bulimia weren't popular yet, but my daughter who became a teenager in the "80's discovered it, and her father noticed, and appreciated it.....

    ...to be continued...I have to go see my therapist...Sara Lee...

    Edited by - notperfectyet on 23 January 2001 14:17:32

    Edited by - notperfectyet on 25 January 2001 7:19:17

    Edited by - notperfectyet on 25 January 2001 7:26:24

  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    Interesting how it is always our fault. I always thought if I was perfect enough my husband would love me and stop abusing me. No way. Much happier now. And know how to lay the blame at the proper source and still take responsibity for myself.
    Don't worry about it Perfect. Perfection isn't necessary for love of life and contentment.
    TW

  • notperfectyet
    notperfectyet

    Thanks TW,

    I am so happy now with my life, I know what my faults are, and have been. With that comes acceptance that I am human, imperfect, and loved and forgiven by Jehovah. I have to try very hard to remember the guilt, depression and anger I felt trying to live up to "mans" interpetation of who or what I should be. I am very happily married now, to a man who was raised in the "truth" also. We accept each other, but sometimes our upbringing gets in the way...:)..I had a sister-in-law who DA'd..she use to tell me the only thing she regretted about leaving the "truth" was she couldn't turn her husband into the elders when he was mis-behaving...LOL....Strange life when you have to take care of your own problems, makes you grow up real fast, and finally become whole and human. But what a wonderful feeling it is, and I think that's what Jehovah always wanted us to become, Human, and think for ourselves.

  • Deacon
    Deacon

    interesting concept that the upbringing gets in the way...

    never really thought about that.....

    your quite clever really....

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine

    ...perfectly clever?

  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    Hey Perfect,
    I know exactly what you mean. You just don't have time for anything while you are in "it"! Including growing up. Between surviving my abusive marriage and protecting myself from the critical elders I missed out on a lot.
    It is so refreshing, having a loving parnter, who supports me in everything I do. And having the time to grow and think.
    Actually one of the highlights of my Witness years (I'm kind of ashamed to admit this) was turning my ex-husband in. Although it did make my life more hellish. But the eventuality was he left. Yeah!! Party time! Although a lot of adjustments. Well worth the time and effort. Proved to myself that I was capable and able, after years of being made to feel inadequate.
    I think you will find through time some of the wrinkles with your mate may smooth out! Good Luck!! And may you enjoy the ride.
    TW

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